Trying my best to “do it properly”

[Sillysausage12345]

Been “dating” (I say loosely) on and off since April, he had just split with long term gf and I was just enjoying spending time with friends and the like.

Most recently in the last couple months we’ve been seeing each other a couple times a week, he’s got pre teen kids so does dad duties quite often. It works well as I’ve got quite a busy hobby that takes a lot of my spare time up.

This weekend we went out Friday, first time really out drinking... both of us drank far too much but we had a good time, I ended up getting a taxi home as I couldn’t settle at his (he lives 5mins from mine). Didn’t DTD.

He went out with mates sat, rings late (early am), I collect, he stays at mine... again Didn’t DTD...

I’m not sure how I feel, I’m worried that because we haven’t slept together that there isn’t that chemistry, but I’m trying to do things properly... not rush, I know he’s a decent person, known him for years etc. But I’m just not sure what my issue is... could be the number of bad experiences I’ve had with last boyfriends, maybe that’s clouded my judgement. We get on, we have a laugh, he’s kind to me, he respects me, hes patient, he’s actally ALMOST a perfect gentleman, sometimes bit of a prat but then I guess that makes him who he is which i actually drawn to... I just don’t know what the problem is in my head...

I had a freak out a month or so ago, called it (what ever it was/is) off, changed my mind a couple weeks later with help And a good talking to by my girlfriends... I need all the support I can get as I am a nightmare. Poor guy.

I almost feel myself sabotaging the relationship before it’s eveb begun, please tell me I’m being a idiot and I shouldn’t worry and this is what happens when you meet someone nice, that they don’t always want to jump into bed with you straight away... oh gosh since when did I do that?!?!? Apparently I do. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Having a slight wobble of judgement, or maybe I’m just not that attracted to him, but then why wouldn’t I be? I don’t get it.

Maybe I’m just feeling like this because we haven’t DTD... shit I’m a absolute pain in the butt. I’m annoying myself.

7 months in and you've not shagged? Is he impotent?

Oh gosh didn’t think of that!

We went out couple time in April, I then went abroad for the summer, lost contact, when I returned early October we bumped into each other again, and we’ve been casually going out since then... I just don’t know what it is.... can’t put my finger on it.

I'm not surprised you're unhappy. With no sex on offer I'd have lost interest in this guy long ago.

What's the matter with him? It's good not to jump into bed on the first date but seven months? That's weird.

Oh that's not so weird then, you've only really been seeing each other a matter of weeks.

The timing just never seems right...

What do I do??

I mean even his kisses aren’t like really passionate, they’re nice but not “sexy” I guess.

If I were to write down who he is, he sounds amazing and he is amazing BUT there is just something not sitting right with me...

If it doesn't feel right, it isn't right. Don't try to convince yourself it ought to be.

Dam it, he’s just such a good and decent person.

I’m fed up of being with arseholes who make me cry.

He’s put in so much effort, even when I’ve knocked him back for whatever reason, he genuinely seems interested in me rather than just getting me into bed.

We have actual ADULT conversations and have a laugh and take the mick out of each other, it is honestly so normal (which is nice for a change). Maybe that’s what I’m not used to.... normality.... I’ve been love bombed, ghosted, taken advantage of, stalked and attacked this year so surely I’m due some normality! Just wish I wasn’t such a weirdo looking for a negative issue.

Oh OK. Perhaps give it a bit more time, having had such an awful time with blokes, then. Are you sure you're ready to be dating at all after all that?

I personally would try to shag him. Put the moves on, if you get knocked back then at least you have your answer

I really don’t know the answer, I’ve been single for nearly 3 years with a number of failed attempts. I just don’t know when the right time is, I’m happy being single, i actually am content doing whatever I do, but it’s just nice to be treated like someone cares and wants to spend time with you sometimes.

How does anyone know if they’re ready for a relationship? I guess you only know if you try and if it’s with the right person...

May just have to put my big girl pants on and pull my best moves.... or take them off in this case 😂 only one way to find out I guess.

Re: not being sexy. Lots of people aren't sure about the sexual chemistry/desire until they sleep together. It may push you one way or another with the decision...

Do you actually want to have sex with him?

Yes I do want to have sex with him, and not when we are both plastered. I’m just worried that I won’t feel what I am hoping to feel... dating has changed so much, last time I was in a proper relationship it was 8 years ago and my ex made it very clear... ended up staying together for 6 years with a very boring sex life.

Sounds like you’re perhaps both overthinking this!! For probably the same reasons.
Just go in for the kill, it’s sink or swim!! And don’t worry about it coming from you!