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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He wasn't that nice to me so why do I want to text him..

8 replies

Welshcakes0 · 18/11/2018 20:00

After 6 months of no contact.....?
Being single is sometimes lonely.

OP posts:
CandyCreeper · 18/11/2018 20:09

definitely dont do it! 6 months is a long time it would be abit cringey. how long was you with him??

thisusernameisrubbish · 18/11/2018 20:14

Exactly how I feel. I think what it really is, is that we hope that they are affected like we are and that they would WANT to reach out. Because they still haven't after 6 months we feel hurt and our pride/ego is knocked. Did we really mean nothing to them?

That's when you want to text them. It's almost just mirroring what you wish they would do.

You need to remember WHY you are NC with him. Clearly he wasn't nice to you for you to feel the need to stop contact. Clearly his lack of reaching out/making an effort since shows that he didn't care/respect you enough to get you back.

It's horrible. I have days where I struggle too. Especially as mine actually did send me some texts last month, one even telling me he missed me, and then I blocked him. Truth is, he lives 10 mins from me and for months I've heard nothing.

Being single is lonely, but what's worse is dating someone who makes you feel worthless and treats you badly.

You KNOW you deserve better, that's why you walked away. Just know that it's okay to miss someone, but it doesn't mean you go back to them. If he had little respect for you before you went NC, think how little respect he'd have if you went back - I learnt that the hard way with my ex.

You can't control your thoughts, you can't control your mind giving you the urge to message him. What you can control is how you respond to that urge. If you just realise that in time the urge will pass, then you know you'll be ok.

Focus on YOU. Have you got goals set in place for next year? What are you doing this evening? If nothing, why not light some candles, run yourself a bath, watch a nice movie/read a book, have an early night. Anything that makes you feel a bit happier.

Just remember to focus on yourself now...because he clearly is focusing on himself!

Welshcakes0 · 18/11/2018 20:26

thisusernameisrubbish aww thankyou:) You have messaged more than I even expected to hear. Thankyou so much. You are so right. I have no clue where this gas come from. I blocked him on everything and today unblocked him. I had such an urge to make contact just for a response when I know deep down it's not meant to be. Reading your message has really made me think. I think it's being out with family and their partners, coming home alone and my daughter's being put all day. I thought I was ok, I have no clue where it has come from. He really wasn't even that nice to me.

OP posts:
thisusernameisrubbish · 18/11/2018 21:16

Well what it really is is a sign that you may be ready to meet someone new.

You miss him because he's your default to think about. Just like my ex is my default. He was awful to me, and in the end completely disrespected and trampled on my heart. But most days I still have a moment where I miss him. It passes, but I also get the urge to unblock him.

What you need to do now is re-block him, keep the door closed to him. Then you need to get back out there and meet other people, go on other dates, find someone who treats you better.

This time of year does suck being single, but you are a strong person. You should congratulate yourself for having the strength to do 6 months NC. Some people can't even do a day!

Now focus on YOU and making your life as fun and happy as possible.

AnyFucker · 18/11/2018 21:17

Hold on for something better. It will come.

richdeniro · 18/11/2018 21:34

It's not him you're missing. It's the idea of him.

There will be someone better out there and remember you deserve better.

Welshcakes0 · 18/11/2018 21:40

I don't think I can block him for another 24 hours now. Oh no! I don't want him to know I have unblocked him!
Thankyou for all the messages. I have no clue why today I have felt this way. Yes, it's not him I miss, it is having someone maybe? I thought I was ok. Some days I think to myself 'What a horrible person he actually was' and I want him to know how awful he treated me but he never tried to even contact me.

OP posts:
babbi · 18/11/2018 22:12

Sending you big hugs .. NC is very hard...
try to stay strong and take care of yourself x

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