My best friends dh is being a dick, what can I do to stop it?

[Cushionpad72]

He has commented to her in front of me, that I am the perfect woman because we (me & him) share the same interest/hobby. Ok, so so far not too bad. But he's also commented to her both in front of me and behind my back that I have the perfect figure/arse. I've seen the pain in her eyes this causes. These comments are always said a bit 'jokey' but it's not funny. I don't enjoy it because it isn't appropriate & I hate seeing my friend hurt. If I confront it head on I know I'll only get a sarky answer & I try to not fan the flames & ignore his laddish behaviour.

Mostly me & my friend meet away from her dh but there are times when our paths cross. I don't want to fall out or make a scene but I would like to see him stop hurting my friend with his dickish insensitive comments. Any ideas?

I'd be inclined to wait until he does it again then gaze deep into his eyes, pause a second, and say loudly "Fuck off you wanker!"

If nothing else it will make it very clear to your poor friend where your loyalties lie.

He's got many good qualities this chap but he seems to lack insight where is relationship is concerned. This hasn't happened just once or twice but many times sadly.

I’d say oh dear, I hope your wife doesn’t think the same about your friend otherwise there’s no hope for your relationship if your both being dicks.

You should confront it head on for the sake of your friend, so she can see you don't tolerate it or encourage it. You can do that in a light-hearted way if you like "that's a bit inappropriate, don't you think?"

Glare at him and point out that his comments are out of order and you're not a heifer at market.

He doesn't lack insight. He's deliberately being a cunt to his wife. He uses the tactic of complimenting you, because a) you're unlikely to outright reject the 'compliment' (he comments on your arse? Really? Who the fuck is this person?) b) his wife can't exactly disagree without either being rude to you or being painted as jealous.

Follow Prawn's advice.

Tell him that him speaking that way makes you feel uncomfortable and you find it disrespectful to his wife... your friend. as well as saying....It's not something a loving husband would do in your opinion.

There's no need to tell him to f* off. Staying calm and delivering those words should be effective and hit the spot if he has a quarter of a brain.

Can you not immediately pull him up? Tell him he's being very rude and disrespectful to both his wife and you and that it's getting annoying.

Have you tried punching him in the face?

He’s a shit. He’s doing two things here
1, hurting his wife - deliberately
2, being a creep to you
With the sole aim of getting you out of here life.
If you call him out on it he can get all offended and demand she cut you off.
Or if you don’t she may get so uncomfortable that she backs away from you.

In matter of fact way I’d say ‘that’s not true. You know you are coming across as a creep to me AND insulting your wife. You know that right?’

he's using you to make digs at his partner and make her feel like shit.
If you don't confront it then it looks like you're condoning his behaviour.
She will eventually stop spending time with you to try and stop him saying these things.

So choose - your friend or this dick.

He's very rude to his wife and to you
Next time tell him that he's also a perfect arse and you don't appreciate it

Next time he says you have the perfect arse... look him in the eye, pause...tel him 'and you are the perfect areshole, how dare you disrespect your lovely wife'

Yes punching him in the face is a tempting option, however, can you say something along the lines of
“Your comment are making me feel uncomfortable “
That way you aren’t being hostile but at the same time letting your friend and him know you don’t like it

@NotTheFordType
Love it 😂

OP I'd go with something along the lines of 'please stop being a creep and remember you have a beautiful wife here'

To be honest though, if he's being like this with you when your friend's around I hate to think what he's like with women when she's not.
He sounds like the sort of guy I'd like to kick in the balls 🤷🏼‍♀️

He’s put you in a lose lose situation. And he’s either just a plain cunt who has no respect for his wife
Or he’s a manipulative cunt who has no respect for his wife and would like her to alienate you because of how shit it makes her feel.

I would say something quietly to him alone, nothing horrid or confrontational. If he decides to carry on then call him out in front of everyone, but be minded that he probably wants that outcome.

Loose loose! Even

This man is being utterly disrespectful to the two of you.

In a past life, being a "nice" person, I would have let this slide as well. This man has sussed that you are made of similar stuff and is saying these things because he knows he'll get away with it. There are lots of horrible underlying issues of power and control going on here. Humour is a classical way to negate your point of view.

I'm afraid the solution will involve you going against the grain on your nature, being assertive and setting some boundaries. Easy to say, hard to do - would you put up with this from a random man in a bar? From a work colleague?

You can be rude, or not, whatever suits your comfort level. For myself, I would consider a big grin, flipping a finger and saying "it's almost as if you think your opinion matters" with a laugh. Having said that, I've been through some terrible life changes in the last year. I used to care very much about what other people thought of me, then I learnt it only matters if those people mean something to you.

Even a "don't say things like that to me please" repeated broken record, regardless of what he says in response can work, and makes the boundary clear, even if he chooses to disregard it.

Don’t know if it’s my age (less polite now) but I would be furious if my friends boyfriend said this to me and confront him about it. I’m not confrontational usually but the damage to my friend and the sexual harassment would make me so angry. What a dick.

I think I would check him asap. Put on a very straight face and tell him to cut it out. It's inappropriate. (The trouble is, if he's anything like my friend's partner, he'll act like he's titillated, in which case you might have to avoid him as much as possible.)

he's using you to make digs at his partner and make her feel like shit. from HeebieJeebie

“Stop using me to put her/name down. I don't care what you think.”

Perhaps change to a new hobby and explain the old one was full of bastards.

Maybe he's trying to come between you and your friend. If this continues I wouldn't be surprised if your friend bins YOU off to avoid her bf chasing you. I have seen this many many times sadly. I would definitely pull him up about it.