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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I leave him

6 replies

toomanygreys · 18/11/2018 14:34

I have been with my husband for 22 years and we have teenage children and a younger son of 9.

To put it bluntly he has always been very childish and likes to throw tantrums if things don't go his way.

In 2012 he had an accident that left him with a chronic nerve condition which affects his arm. He was put on strong medication and in 2016 had an op to stop the pain in his arm but he then began complaining of leg pain and back pain and has now been diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

From 2012 he hasn't worked but I now have three jobs. I feel heartless but I've had enough he gets 220 a month and spends all of that on cannabis- I don't allow any kind of smoking in my house I hate it so he has a shed and every night he goes outside 3 times for 30 minutes at a time to have a joint. If we try and watch a film he becomes irritable if it goes past his time to be outside he gets irritable and I can't do it.

I've tried to talk about the financial impact but then he says he needs it for the pain 🤯. So I then feel heartless for complaining.
Every now and again I have a moan about it and he has a big tantrum and screams at me about his pain and how I don't understand.

He does the day to day housework and takes our ds to school and picks up but makes a big fuss over fact he has to do the school run. Everything financial is on me
The rent, the food, Christmas, everything and I'm so annoyed he's going to smoke all that money away and there isn't a thing I can do without looking like a vile human being.

What can I do ?

OP posts:
funkylittleboatrace · 18/11/2018 15:58

Leave

BumbleBeee69 · 18/11/2018 16:03

Jesus OP, you need to leave and take the kids with you Flowers

Bananalanacake · 18/11/2018 16:20

Is he ok to work or has he been signed off due to his injury. I would leave just for the smoking.

Lorddenning1 · 18/11/2018 16:32

I ended my relationship of 9 yrs and 2 kids together as he smokes weed, it got worst over time and he was doing it every night at £10 a go, he also gambled to and in the end I got sick of it. He had no drive or ambition and never wanted to leave the house for days out, he was always spaced out after a joint and I couldn't talk to him, also the next day he would wake up in a fog. Granted he went to work everyday but I couldn't live like that anymore, our arguments always came back to him smoking weed, I started to really resent him :(

AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/11/2018 16:35

Why are you with this selflish individual at all now?

What is in this relationship for you. You are basically funding his life with cannabis and that is what his primary relationship is with, it’s not with you.

I would seek legal advice with a view to divorce ASAP.

ilovekale · 18/11/2018 16:52

Unfortunate aS it is that he had the accident and everything that came with it, This is no life for you and is not fair on you. If you couldn't work how would he afford rent / food etc?

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