I didn't have a choice

[Fruityfanta]

We aren't offically together but we have been a "thing" for a while. He has been going through a lot and well one night he started crying, honestly this wasn't unusual and i found it hard to be sympathetic when this happened everytime i saw him but I would comfort him anyway. A bit later on he had calmed down and suggested we had sex. I was a bit caught off guard, we had before but he'd never just asked for it like that and i wasn't really in the mood for it, i needed to leave soon so i told him that and he became upset again. Started threatening to harm himself, I'd brushed his threats off before and it hadn't ended well so I really didn't know what to do. So i said we could although deep down i really didn't want to. It started out as just foreplay and he then asked me if I wanted to have sex. I didn't answer so he asked me again, I started crying, i don't really know why but i did. He looked straight at me like he was still waiting for an answer so i said yes. Since then i haven't replied to any of his messages or calls and I've just been trying to avoid him but i know i can't forever

I would appreciate any advice really, I didn't know who to talk to in my life

That’s pretty messed up. He’s prepared to blackmail you for sex. That’s. Well that’s awful. Even if he’s prepared to follow up on his threat do you think it right you should do whatever he wants at your expense for it? You can’t be responsible for the misguided actions of another. Sex is supposed to be a mutually desired act. A loving or at least most wanted one. Not at the end of a gun. It’s manipulative and it’s abusive.

I would stop seeing him. Altogether. Send him a message saying it’s not working out, no thank you, have a nice life. Give him a number for the good Samaritans or something and move on with your life. Even if he does the worst you are not responsible. He is. You deserve better than this.

How old are you both?

LTB, seriously. He manipulated you into having sex. He had not one jot of sympathy or understanding when you started crying-enormous red flags!

Never speak to him again. Block him on all social media.

Sorry to hear this OP!

What a bastard, I'd be done after that, he wouldn't be hearing from me again

Block him. He pressured you into having sex when you didn’t want to! What a vile messed up person he is. If he harms himself IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Avoid him and get him out of your life.

Honestly block him on everything and vanish from his life. He doesn't deserve an explanation

Don't ever see this creature again. The regular crying would be enough for me to tell you to cut ties, but the rest of it? Completely and utterly shameful behaviour.

@FleeceDetective I'm 18 he's 21

Why do feel you can't avoid him forever? Where do you see him? Work, uni?

I agree with previous posters that you should block all contact. His actions are massively manipulative, he literally guilted you into having sex. You need to protect yourself from this controlling creep!

He only lives a few minutes away from me and knows where i live, he's bound to turn up at some point

Aww you’re only a young lass. Yup. Leave. Run for the hills. Get rid pronto tonto.

Get this creep to FUCK OP. What he did was manipulative and coercive. If he comes to your house you call someone or if you feel threatened call the Police.

You are far to young for that shit.

Leave the wee fucker.

There are decent guys out there.

OP is there someone you can confide in IRL about this, I do worry you will be coerced and not able to refuse this guy.

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry you had to experience this. You probably started crying as you felt what was going on was so wrong, even if you couldn't mentally process it, you just felt it.

This is so awful, the fact he didn't leave you alone when you started crying and waited for a yes during it all, awful.

I agree, you should just send him a message telling him it's not working out and it's best you don't see each other any more, and then just avoid him. He's predatory and manipulative and it's best if he's not in your life at all.

Block him and ignore any threats you are not responsible for him

He's a red flag manipulator who has violated your space, alternatively he's a measly little fuck who is using whining bullshit to get into your pants.

Either way his next step will be to do it again and again until a really bad outcome for you when you say no. The best worst outcome will be harassment and name calling.

All while he's smugly having one of the wrist thiking about how he got what he wanted.

We aren't offically together but we have been a "thing" for a while
Stay away from him. Be clear that you want nothing to do with him. It isn't your job to fix him. Raise your standards on what you want and expect from a man. Work on your boundaries and becoming more assertive. Perhaps read self-help books on the subject, or ask friends you can trust to tell you when you are going wrong.

Coercive sex is rape. Sorry.

are you okay tonight OP

I've blocked him on everything now but he came to my door earlier, I got someone else to answer and say I'm not in. He seems (or he's acting like he is) oblivious to what's going on

Hes not oblivious, lovely. He knows EXACTLY what he is doing. His coercive behaviour is despicable. Do you really want to go out with a whiny manipulative cry-baby, when there is a whole world of better men out there?