Relationship not going well

[Baking101]

Been with my partner for 2 years. Lately, I haven't been wanting sex or kisses from him. Cuddles are fine until he goes too far in wanting more and I repeatedly have to say no stop it. He does eventually stop, but it takes ages. I don't know why I no longer want affection though. I used to always want it. It was usually him turning me down to be honest. Seems to have changed sides now and it's me that no longer cares.

I do have the implant in and am getting rid of it soon as I think it's making me depressed. Has anyone else had this issue on it and does it go away?

Anyone? I do keep feeling sick at night too before I go to bed, getting bad acid reflux too every night and dunno if these are caused by the implant too.

Anyone? I dunno if I have fallen out of love with him.

Well loss of intamacy usually says problems in other areas of the relationship. Not always but usually.

How is the rest of your relationship?

I must admit ifninwas still pestered after saying no, it would be a bit of a killer for next time.

Dunno really. I'm always having to nag him to do stuff around the house. He still hasn't done a chore from about 2 weeks ago and isn't looking like he'll bother any time soon. He's nice to me I guess but not very supportive. He'll only be supportive in words but not actions. Most nights we sit in silence as he'll play games. If I suggest we watch something, he'll insist I choose and then slate the film the entire time. He's gone out again and just left stuff all over the floor, not washed dishes and he'll be too drunk when he gets home to do them.

I don't feel that attracted to him anymore if I'm honest. He's gained weight from working at home and refuses to do any exercise. He'll shower about twice a week, rarely brushes his teeth so his breath always smells. And yet has the nerve to say I smell or something, albeit in a jokey way, but it's not nice.

There's no point speaking to him about it. He's aware that there is something wrong, but I'm not telling him what. We just argue and it doesn't get resolved so why bother?

He is quite selfish really, it's all got to be on his terms. Like when I'm driving him somewhere he insists the window must be open even when it's freezing outside. I just keep closing it since I'm the driver. He refuses to learn how to drive, but that's not my problem. I don't want to drive a car when I'm freezing cold just got his convenience. Plus he puts a coat on, complains he's too hot and opens the window. that's just stupid.

If you've gone off him sexually it's time to call it a day. It's usually a big sign.

It doesn't sound as if you like him very much. I don't blame you from the sounds of it, I wouldn't want a dirty body near me either.

Maybe it's time to call it a day? Don't get rid of your implant just yet, a pregnancy is the last thing you need.

He's staying out tonight and staying at a friend's so I've got some time to think at least. He knows the issues and isn't coming back to talk. He's too drunk to anyway, he'll just yell.

I'm fairly sure nausea and reflux aren't side effects of the implant. Mood changes can be with any hormonal contraceptive. And they can effect your sex drive but it's more likely to be the relationship tbh. And also, the "pheromone" stage is supposed to last around 2 years apparently...ie that's when the wanting to rip each other's clothes off finishes for lots of people and settles down into a more long term rhythm.

What the PP said re not getting pregnant..so many women end up with unplanned pregnancies in exactly these circumstances. Stopped contraception briefly because they weren't getting on with it, etc. Don't be one of them!!

Get rid of the implant, the side effects are horrific and you never want sex while you are on it. It's the equivalent of the menopause and makes you rabid.
It's not jusrt me several of my friends have experiences this and there are numerous internet sites devoted to just this.
Your libido and affection will come back after it is out.

So he's lazy, selfish, smelly, overweight... Wow, you've got a prize there, OP! So, why exactly do you think you've fallen out of love with him? Urgh!

Sounds like he's the problem making you depressed.

Write a list of things you definitely need from your partner. Try not to think of him, just an ideal partner. Do it like a job application with necessary & desirable criteria & see if he fits the minimum criteria & then ask him if he wants to apply & put him on probation! Ask him to do the same exercise & see if you'll ever be compatible. He sounds like a dick atm at least. What attracted you to him in the first place? Is it still there?

from the outside looking in OP, I'd say your relationship is emotionally and physically over.

Think it is too. He's staying at a friend's tonight because it's easier apparently after drinking. Yet he could have got a bus or train home and has in the past. Just now decides that sleeping on a couch is better.

Your relationship sounds dire, especially that you're at the stage that you feel "there's no point talking to him about it". That's the death knell.

What's keeping you there? Time to make the jump?

He sounds horrible.
And dirty.
And vile.
And lazy.
Why are you still with him?
Do you have DC together?
I'd be gone by the time he came back.

Your libido and affection will come back after it is out.

I don't buy this, who would want to be intimate with someone who is lazy and doesn't tidy up after themselves? Assuming you will somehow do all the chores is really not sexy, regardless of your method of contraception.

Echoing the questions from buckeejit and category12, what attracted you to him in the first place, and is it still there? If it was just a dizzying feeling of being in love, then I would be inclined to think it’s fizzled out. If it was a ‘passion for helping others / great sense of humour / excellent moral compass’ etc then I would review the situation calmly from some distance and see if it’s 1) still there and 2) still a point of attraction for the long term... otherwise there doesn’t seem to be any point in this relationship from what you’ve described.

If the point of attraction is still in there somewhere, and you sound like you’ve been hanging on for some months now, it might be wise to have an honest grown-up discussion about your concerns and unhappiness with him. It will give you closure if you decide to leave, knowing you’ve said it all and he doesn’t want to make efforts to improve things, and if you do end up staying, everything is out in the open and he will know which bits to change (from his angle, he may well be wondering why you’re dissatisfied and refusing intimacy without realising the reasons).

Good luck OP, don’t leave it too long - it is a waste of your time and will make you so bitter if you carry on without trying to improve your situation.

I was attracted to him as a person, his sense of humour etc. Not really looks, he's not the kind of man I'd usually fancy but I just grew to like him more the more we saw each other and I fell for him. Then he seemed to change and now I feel more like his mother than a partner.

He annoys me so much because he can never think for himself. Like putting away clothes he acts like it's the hardest job ever and I must help him. Er it's folding clothes and putting them in drawers it's not rocket science.

He's still not home anyway. Apparently coming back at 3 ish.

I would never fancy sex with someone who only showered twice a week and didn’t brush their teeth, implant or not. Who would?!

I hear you OP :0( I would have thought that gradually falling for someone because of the person they were, and their sense of humour (which tends to be innate and doesn’t fade like looks / body etc) would have been a sturdy formula for a good long term relationship.

Disappointingly it sounds like you’re not able to find that personality or humour behind the superficial (but all-consuming) laziness, poor self-care and refusal to improve.

Relationships need to have a spark, it doesn’t matter if it’s in peaks and troughs - that’s probably realistic. They also need maintenance and investment. If there is no spark and maintenance, I can’t see how you would wake up a few months down the line and feel a significant amount of love and respect for him. Be brave and level-headed and address this with him. If he wants to change, he probably deserves the opportunity. However, feeling like everything about him is a chore and a turn-off is an extremely strong indication that you would prefer to be out of this relationship.

@baking101

Sorry, forgot to respond to the most crucial part of your original post.

Do NOT go without contraception! When you have the implant removed you should go onto some other form of contraceptive at the same appointment - the GP / family planning clinic will be able to advise. You have enough on your plate without needing an unplanned pregnancy at this time. Take care!

Well I certainly want sex with him either. Get rid.

Wouldn't!

It's fine, I won't be having any unplanned pregnancies. Need to be having sex for that to happen and I can't bring myself to do it. I can't just have sex with someone random, have to actually love them. Just don't love him anymore.