Morning all. So after years of ups and downs and struggles, lots of lovely times too, but never feeling as though I’m a priority for my DH and a sense that he keeps me at arms length, I recently came across the term ‘counter dependency’. This explains my DH to a T:
“Difficulty being close to others;
A strong need to be right—all the time;
Self-centered and egotistical;
A resistance or refusal to ask for help;
Expects perfection in self and others;
Extreme discomfort appearing weak or vulnerable;
Has difficulty relaxing and is addicted to activities like work or exercise.”
It’s been quite a revelation for me and helped me to start seeing things from a different perspective. He’s basically quite a damaged individual and has difficulty expressing and receiving intimacy.
We’ve started marriage counselling but I’m concerned that his counter dependency traits are a lot more serious than he or the counsellor might acknowledge. Has anyone been through similar? Any survival tips please? I am committed to my marriage and my family and want to work through this but it is so hard when I’m constantly pushed away, not a priority and made to feel as though I’m being melodramatic. Thanks in advance.