Sexless Marriage

[Simondivanti]

Sexless marriage is probably the most crude way to describe lack as in “no intimacy”. I have been married for over 10+ years and still see myself as an outgoing energetic guy, however we do have a little one that is fantastic and not a bother and never has been. We dare responsibly for day to day parenting and have a very settled life in that respect. But our sex life is none existent. My wife says she doesn’t know how to be intermit anymore. She lacks in any response of affection, quite cold. It has now affected the way I am as I am loosing my mind as I am craving intermcy, it has been nearly 5 years since I have had any physical contact in any shape or form. Please don’t take this the wrong way but I am a athletic slim guy who has never had any issues with partners prior to my marriage.

Sexless marriage is probably the most crude way to describe lack as in “no intimacy”. I have been married for over 10+ years and still see myself as an outgoing energetic guy, however we do have a little one that is fantastic and not a bother and never has been. We dare responsibly for day to day parenting and have a very settled life in that respect. But our sex life is none existent. My wife says she doesn’t know how to be intermit anymore. She lacks in any response of affection, quite cold. It has now affected the way I am as I am loosing my mind as I am craving intermcy, it has been nearly 5 years since I have had any physical contact in any shape or form. Please don’t take this the wrong way but I am a athletic slim guy who has never had any issues with partners prior to my marriage.

She says she doesn't know how to be intimate any more. So clearly you have talked about it but how does she feel? Does she actually want to rediscover a sex life? Did you ask her what she wants or how she feels?

Maybe you were always focused on your own pleasure and when she was younger she didn't have enough self-respect to notice or mind this but now she has some maturity and insight she feels differently. Or maybe she would love to get enthusiastic in bed again but is simply too knackered. You simply aren't going to find out in here - you need to talk to her.

Hi there after an argument my huaband dosnt want to have sex with me it has been over 2 months , i try talking to him said sorry but he dosnt accept he told me last night that i pushted him away because we being arguing more often for sily thing i hav four kids been together 13 years dont know what to do just asking if he going to be able to get back to his feeling or dont know what to do i cook clean do everything for him he start talking to me now but cant get any closer as he disnt want me too.

Yes i understand but we been together happy and now i feel bad why he needs to change after so many years i just wish everything gona be fine because dont know how i will do with out him if he decide to leave is very hard

5 years is a long time. You need to make it clear to her how much this is hurting you and get her to agrer to concrete steps to change the situation (either look to improve things or separate).

Thank you for your response, yes we have discussed briefly, but it’s her lack of enthusiasm, she say she doesn’t want to break or anything, she just says “I just don’t know what’s wrong”. With regards to sexual contact at the beginning I would say she was a lot more dominant than I, thanks

I definitely feel your pain, unfortunately I am unsure what happened to us. When ever I made a move or anything it’s excuse after excuse. I do hope he snaps out of it soon or you end up on my rocky road to ruin.

I have given her the opportunity to back out of the relationship, I asked her straight if she still finds me attractive, I got the right answers but I am unsure of her validity. Yes you are correct I do look after myself and I would definitely say I probably do more around the home than her especially cooking. Ha ha not sure on your washing up though

OP - search other threads on this..
They pop up weekly....
Its unlikely to change, so in simple terms choices are:

• Live w/o sex
• Tell her you need to open up the marriage and have sex with others
• Find a friendly person in a similar position
• Divorce

No magic solution. Sorry

May be try to make special day for her only you too surprise her ladies love that

Hiya

There is only ever so many bacon scented candles one can try before recognising your marriage is a dead shark. Don't try for too long, it will break you.

Hi is anyone here

I'm in a sexless marriage and it is soul destroying. My husband hasn't touched me in 3.5 years. Its been on the cards for a while, we have had periods of non contact for about 18 months at a time. He does have bouts of depression but I try really hard to support him emotionally, physically and financially through this. I'm the sole breadwinner but I never, ever give him a hard time about not having a job. We get on really well and rarely argue. But it's got so bad I have moved into the other bedroom as I'm finding the rejection too hard to deal with. He's not happy about the move but hasn't done anything to stop it. I knew he wouldn't so it wasn't like I was trying to push his buttons or make a point. There doesn't seem to be anyway to solve this as he doesn't want to talk about whatever the issues are and I'm now so tired of it all. I love him dearly but I don't think he feels the same way. I don't have a high sex drive but his reactions make me feel like some sort of nympho. So I'm taking it slowly and trying to get my strength back as my confidence has taken a battering

Hi Farle i fill the same my husband dosnt want to touch him eather since we been on holiday now about 4 months and i feel so bad down i understand u feel unpriciated why do u think they do this do us because they are mens or ? We get on too we have four kids but when i ask him or touch him he dosent want i dont know what to do we are young couple 35y so no coment i really fill sad

Been there be for the t-shirt for this one. When someone says they're not interested in sex anymore, what they really mean is that they are not interested in sex with YOU. My ExW used that excuse, blaming the children, work, anything really and a reason not to try to get back what was dying. Turns out she was cheating. IMHO marriage is a passion killer and I wish I'd never gone there. Happily with my GF now and she knows I'll never marry again, and you know what....it means that we both have to try harder knowing that the other can walk away easier. Marriage breeds complacency unless you really work at it. As for your situation OP, time to be honest and stop tiptoeing around the subject. State that you're unhappy, the lack of intamacy is making you angry, resentful and depressed and make it clear to her that you're prepared to end the marriage if things do not change. You cannot force you wife to have sex (nor should you) but you do have control over what you will accept in a relationship and do not have to put up with something that is making you miserable. Life is too short to put up with crap. It might seem like leaving will be the end of the world but trust me, you'll feel 1000 times better for it.

It's been over 6 years now for me; in the beginning I was so upset, felt rejected & unattractive - it really affected my confidence. It felt like begging for crumbs.

He said it was depression that affected his sex drive; but I later found out that he had been having an affair.

I no longer want to sleep with him & that decision has freed me tremendously. But I'm too young to live like this for the rest of my life & am working on my escape route.

Sorry to hear that 6 years wow TheEndof u must feel bad , but do u see some else instad o u never do it is hard for us too😢

No, not seeing anyone else - I believe that it's better to end a relationship that's not working before moving on.

We have 2 young kids; I don't want to mess up their lives more than I have to. IME, affairs are messy & destructive. Best to have a clean break.

Yeah u right same i dont want to see anyone either ia better clear just like u said