I’m I out of love or depressed

[Shelby08]

Do other people go through this, I spend a lot of time getting fed up with my husband and thinking about leaving him. He’s not a bad bloke but just has a way of really getting my back up, we are quite snappy with each other (me more than him I suppose) he has a way of making comments about our grown up kids which brings out the lioness in me and then I end up feeling down and fed and find it hard to snap out of, or he’ll question something that makes me snap. We’ve always been quiet argumentative for our whole 22 years together and I’m just getting more and more fed up with us that I just constantly think about splitting up, but then there are times we get on fine, is it just normal married life or have I fallen out of love???

Going through similar. Am in an ok phase at the moment but still in back of mind thinking of how many more years before I leave. I don't think it's normal.

I think if you are constantly thinking about life without him and splitting up thats not usual/normal. Whilst relationships are challenging and men are far from perfect you should still enjoy being with him, do you spend much time together - go out? Have your kids all flow the nest or are they at home still? Did you feel this way when kids were younger, meaning that have you put on a brave face all these years for them or is this a new feeling? Have you a good friend or sibling you can discuss it with?

Ok I'm in the same boat!!.In the summer we got on time now he drives me nuts.I have been diagnosed with depression.tbh we have tolerated each other for years.Bickering is exhausting isn't it?

If these moods are hormonal then the feelings you have are just exacerbated during these times. So I wouldn't blame it on depression your relationship doesn't sound great, you don't sound happy.

You know what Fuddle I don’t think I am!! Another bust up last night and today I’ve just felt deflated, I think my gut has been telling for the last couple years enough now, it’s just gonna be so damn hard if I decide to end this!!

Maybe a good talk with each other to clear the air, communication is good. Is there anything more than getting your back up? What's he like, does he consider you etc.

He is a good guy overall but he can be so annoying and horrible at times like he’ll dig out our oldest son which I just won’t tolerate. I just don’t have any interest in him sexually really anymore and he’s never been the most affectionate or romantic guy which has just made me the same, which is not me really, I don’t know I just seem to spend more time thinking about splitting up than being together!!

Thinking about breaking up is is not a good sign. Maybe go for counselling alone or together. I split up from my husband after 18 yrs and hadn't factored in how I would feel, bloody awful but if you try and sort things at least you can say you did try.

What do you mean you felt awful? As in you regretted it, I’m scared shitless if I’m honest but I think my gut is now telling me I have nothing left to give 😫

You have to be really strong. I have had feelings I never knew existed. The problem is even if you don't have a great relationship its the severing of the bond and what you've been used to. It's best to talk things through. On the other hand life is too short to be unhappy. I met and fell in love with someone else which ended my marriage abruptly.

I think your absolutely right, it’s the years of being together that becomes like a second skin and the thought of shedding it is scared, I know I will have feelings of missing him, the routine etc etc, I don’t know I think I need to get this year over with the festivities etc and see what the new year brings, more of the same no doubt!!

Much the same here. We do have common interests and have fun sometimes, but I don’t feel much love for him and I think he feels the same. Everything he does seems to get on my nerves and I do wonder if I’ve just gone off him or if I’m depressed and that’s colouring my view. Splitting up seems such a massive decision after so many years, and some of my friends who’ve divorced haven’t had much luck with other men either. The one saving grace is that we don’t really argue, we just live alongside each other quite amicably which makes the decision even harder I think.

I wouldn't look to what luck friends have had with men as they are not you. It's all those insecurities that keep you in there. It's scarey stuff but it may just get to the stage where you just can't do it any longer.

Probably one of the hardest things to know for sure and hardest decision to make. I don’t even care abtmeeting anyone new, don’t really have any interest in a lot to be honest, just want piece of mind, but knowing my own personality I often wonder whether I’d ever find that anyway!!

Why don't you make a special effort for him before throwing the towel in?!

Tell him ( without blame as that will make him defensive and it will backfire) that you want to improve your relationship if possible, that things have got stagnant and neither of you are happy so you've been thinking about ending it.

Ask him if he'd like to have a go at improving things with you? Like a date night once a week? Cooking each other's favourite food? Doing something special for each other and take turns eg giving each other a massage?

See how receptive he is. Sounds like you ought to get counseling anyway to try and improve how to communicate without niggling each other.

Good luck

Be honest, tell him you are thinking of leaving, gage his reaction. It sounds like he is probably unhappy too, maybe he wants this as well