Come to the realisation my partner manipulates me when he wants something

[Elizaraven]

Don't really know if I'm overreacting so need some advice, me & my partner have been together 7 years & I've come to the realisation he manipulates me when he wants something instead of being up front & honest.

When we was first together he would lie to me about wanting to go out for drinks with his friends, he would make up a elaborate lie about he has to go until I pulled him up on it & said I wasn't like his ex girlfriend, I don't care about him going out I just want him to be honest so it seemed to put a end to it.

Over the years I've noticed he has a way of talking me into things, particularly new computer games which seems really silly writing it down but at £50 a time sometimes twice a month & we are on a budget (3 kids) it all adds up. Lately though he has developed a gambling problem & now it's money to use for that, I'm trying to keep it under control & every time he manages to talk me round & afterwards I feel like crap & we are falling further & further into debt.

Tonight he lied to me about wanting to go out & I'm feeling like this is the final straw, not really sure how to handle it or where to go from here. Advice would be appreciated

I think you know what you have to do OP. It's either that or put up with it for ever.

I'm sorry man

You’re not overreacting. This isn’t how healthy relationships work. My ex was the same - it took me years to see his behaviour for what it really was. I felt miserable and couldn’t put my finger on the reason - that is what emotional abuse does - it eats away at your self esteem and at the core of your being. By lying and manipulating you he is taking away your means to challenge his behaviour and stand up for yourself. You have seen it now and hopefully you will gather further evidence and with it, the strength, to do what you need to do to limit the ongoing damage to yourself and your DCs.

Anyone that gambles a lot is an ace manipulator. Its part of the parcel. Same as alcoholism and other addictions. Even if they are not doing those things thats the personality profile. Unless they deal with it by joining a support group or having counselling thereby becoming aware.
Its impossible to have a relationship with someone like this. You also need to learn why you give in eg around gambling money so maybe contacting Gamblers Anonymous would help.

I'm feeling like this is the final straw, not really sure how to handle it or where to go from here

If he’s gambling he needs help to stop and you need support too. Spending money you don’t have readily on computer games is selfish, spending it on gambling is reckless.

No more debt in your name. No more money to sub him. Be clear you are worried enough to split up over this.

You describe him as your partner, apart from being anything but it would also indicate you are not married to him.

He is taking money from you and his children to fund his gambling addiction. You are basically lurching from one crisis to another; its never stable.

Time to end this relationship asap OP before he further drags you and these attendant children down with him into his pit. What is the situation re the property and finances?.

The only viable realistic option is to seperate whilst he combats his addictions.

Once he addresses and deals with his addictions you may have a chance, however he will have to keep up with an addictions support group as it is likely that he will go back to his addictive behaviours in the future.

Thanks for all the advice, I stupidly confronted him when he was drunk & it just ended up in a argument that resulted with him walking back out to calm down. I've suggested getting help with his gambling habit before but it goes on deaf ears like a lot of other stuff. I do love him & have tried to sort things out many times but this time it feels like this is it until he gets some help.

He won't decide to get help because you suggest it. Its up to you to decide on your bottom line here. No talk but action. Action first around money but more importantly action around getting yourself and your dc away from his carry on.