Not sure what to do?

[TempNameChange12345]

Hello

Long term poster here but nc for this.

I'm in a happy marriage with children. We've been married 8 years, 2 children and all is seemingly great.
Our sex life is generally good, although sporadic. We go through stages of it being really, really good and then maybe a week or so with nothing. It's a lot to do with work and how busy we are and how much we see each other!

Anyway, he went to show me something on his phone the other day, and his phone flashed up a pic of a ladies naked bum but he quickly moved on and I pretended I didn't see it. He has a thing for bums!
It's been a week and I was upstairs tidying and he was downstairs with the children sorting breakfast. He left his phone upstairs. He doesn't have a lock for it and curiosity got the better of me (shoot me now) and I've never done this before. I wanted to look at the photo gallery to see if what I had seen was right. It was. And there were maybe 6/7 similar type photos all together in a cluster. He has a lot of pics of the children and work stuff on his phone, and a quick scroll through I couldn't see anything else. I put it down and left it.

Do you think I should raise it? But if I do, to what end? It could be anything from his blokey friends sending WhatsApp pics to a group for a joke, banter or whatever, to (the other extreme) it being pics of someone he has met up with, or anything in between.

If it's something sinister, he will deny it surely. If it's silly he could put my mind at rest but I don't want him to know I've snooped in his phone.

I could ask him about the image he flashed up accidentally and go from there. But this could be a can of worms and I wonder whether living in ignorance is better?

Oh, and be kind. I I'm feeling really sensitive about this. I'm just after views and advice on whether I should ignore it and move on? I can't speak to anyone IRL about this...

If it is just a few pics and does it look like personal pics or downloaded? I would be honest, you say you have a good relationship, you should be able to say you saw it when he showed you x and that you are sorry you snooped but weren’t sure how to als and now you are asking?

Just be sure you can cope with the answer

If it's personal photos and not porn
You have something to worry about big time!!

So were they pictures he's taken, pictures he's been sent or pictures he's downloaded?

I looked this morning and I don't honestly know. It's impossible to tell, right? But most of them, if not all, did look professional/downloaded but who am I to say? I don't know and perhaps it's wishful thinking on my part.

If the pic "flashed up" that would lead me to think it was part of a message someone sent to him. Pics you download don't just pop up on your phone.

@TempNameChange12345 you can tell the difference! Professional shots will have a woman wearing heavy makeup and looking posed

A photo taking personally will be crappier photo quality and have a homemade look. I've never taken a professional quality nude and rarely would a woman he knows do!

It's bums - difficult to tell if they're made-up .

Id would have to say something ,id be too upset not too. I think your right does seem more of a download as if it was a women he was chatting too etc there would be more pics as in face & other body parts,thats just my view tho x

It isn't impossible to tell because in professional pics there are no messy bedrooms or hair straighteners in the background or any personal items and they usually look America decor American bed frames

What else did you notice in the pics?

Could he have taken a picture of your bum?

They were pretty close up pics (🙈) bum and front! There were two photos that looked professional, a woman in S&M type clothing and a boob close up. Literally, 6/7 pics.

And sorry, when I meant flashed up, I mean he opened his photos and it was on that one when he wanted to show me another. He just swiped across quickly.

I'm completely bloody stuck here. I'm damned either way.
I want to just forget it but I can't and my mind is going mad just thinking the worst case.
If I say something I'm not sure what there is to gain from it. And if it's something really bad, then he'll be ready to deny it. But now I'm making him up to be a cheating lying husband when this could all be rather innocent - well, you know what I mean!

Was it from Twitter? Lots of p o r n on there

Can you strike a similar pose and ask him who has the best bum? You or his fantasy pic? Watch his reaction.

No idea where they were from.

Pics I've downloaded from Pinterest or that people have sent me on watsapp get saved to my photo stream: but just ask him; if he's just embarrassed then it's porn, if he is stopped in his tracks/ lies poorly you need to think again. If he says it's from a friend ask if you could just have a proper look, and if he starts blustering about having deleted the messages, you'll know. Trust your instincts.

The only thing I’d worry about here is if someone had sent them to him - in that case you can check whatsapp and fb messenger. I think you can do a scan on google for certain images and it will tell you the source.

It does all sound pretty tame to me though, like he’s found some private pics of the internet for his own wank bank stash! I’d mention it to him about the one that’s flashed up if it’s niggling you too much

I don't think I'd be worrying about an affair from that, OP. Have you ever tried to take a photo of your own bum? It's really difficult and it's very obvious that it's an amateur job! So unless he's having an affair with someone who has a personal erotic photographer, I'd be almost certain that he has either been looking at porn or it's part of some idiotic thing with friends (I would prefer the former if it were my DP, but you may feel otherwise).

Raise it if you like (but just mention the photo he knows you saw, rather than the fact you snooped), but I'd probably leave it.

If someone WhatsApp’s me a picture. I realised it goes straight to my photo album. I don’t even save them.

Trust your gut. I doubt he would have photos of a ladies bum. Leave his phone out. Not have a lock

I’ve been with my husband. Over 10 years. Like you. I’ve never ever snooped his phone. Not once. I trust him implicitly.

But I would also trust my gut. He has a lock on his phone. But I know the code. I would borrow his phone. Whilst he was there. Say oh I wanted to show you this cute picture. Or something. Bring it up that way maybe?

But trust your gut. It’s a bum at the end of the day. My hubby likes boobs. I’m always sending him stupid boob pics! He also has a work conversation. Which always get sent weird photos. But I would follow my heart

Thank you. All really good advice/points.
I think I'll sleep in it tonight and if it's bothering me still tomorrow I'll raise it when it's the Right time.
I'll know for next time to just raise it at the time, but I was so taken back by it I just left it.

@easterholidays that's true! You need at least another person or a timer to take a close up bum pic. If a woman was sending him a photo of her bum it would probably be taken in a mirror

@asleepallday......whose to say HE didn't take it!

Seriously he is cheating on you.

Porn is always blurry close up from video and if it's phots there will be a signature photographers stamp somewhere on the pic

Tell him you have hired a private investigator but before you read the file you'd like to hear the truth from him

You really need to check his phone again (without him knowing) and check his internet history/whatsapp/other chat apps etc etc. If you confront him now he will deny, deny, deny. You will never know the truth of the situation and it will drive you mad forever more...You need to be clever about it do some more detective work. It may be harmless, but then it may not.

Also check his laptop and other gadgets. You may think it's over the top, but seriously it's not.