When is it time to end an old friendship?

[Rosy17]

I'm not sure if I'm being oversensitive.

My best friend of over 20 years lives over 3 hours drive away. However, I used to live a further two hours away so figured once I moved closer which was two years ago, we would see each other more frequently.
I make an effort to travel to see her every few months, usually without the two DC.
For context, she works full time is married and her DD is now away at Uni. I am a SAHM with two DD 9 & 3. My DH does work some weekends so I am often not free then.
Her DH is from the Midlands and they travel up frequently to see his family. I live roughly halfway on their journey and approx 2 miles from the motorway services. My DM also lives in the city she frequently travels to, which is only 45 mins away from me so I could easily meet for lunch and a catch up if she let me know in advance.
Not once has she said let's meet up or I'll come and stay as we're passing. We get along so well when we are together I really feel upset about this. I feel that if I didn't travel to see her the relationship wouldn't have kept going.
I know I need to discuss this with her, but just wanted opinions really. I haven't made friends since moving and wonder if I'm blowing it out of proportion. I do wonder whether our lives are just too different and she just wants relaxing child free weekends. However, I would like a child free girly catch up over lunch too!

So if I get this correct, you are expecting her to go and visit her DH's family, but then to stop doing that and have lunch with you . Leaving her children with her DH's family / or with him.

This girl works full time and has children , AND a husband who is away at uni so she is living like a single mother who works full time. But she has to fit you into her schedule because you want a girlie lunch.

Sorry but it sounds to me that you are asking a lot. Let it go - she isn't making the offer to do this so I guess she doesn't want to. Some friendships just fade out when your lives take different paths - this seems to have happened to you. Try making some friends where you are instead of hanging on to this one.

No birdie, the friends DD is at uni, not her DH! The friend works but presumably after that her time is her own, no childcare issues. The OP has children that need looking after.

YANBU OP. When we visit the ILs my DH often goes out to meet up with his friends for a few hours while we're there. I stay with them!

They live about 3.5 hours drive from us. On the way back we sometimes go via an elderly lady who looked after my DH when he was travelling and who now lives in the Midlands. It takes us about 30 mins out of our way but worth it for DH to be able to see her.

So no, it's not too much to ask IMO.

It is difficult when you see it might be one-sided in terms of effort made. The upshot is you can't make comparisons about life being easier or not for one or other of you to organise the meet-ups. I've learnt it's not worth it ..... either offer & enjoy meeting up, or don't.

I've got a couple of friends I think similarly of right now, and it's more obvious given I've supported them through "difficult times" in the past, yet that support has been distinctly lacking this year when it's me looking for it. And we all live & work less than an hour apart. Maybe it'll resolve itself & balance out naturally ....or maybe it won't. What's interesting & pleasing is the other friendships which I have developed .......

Not once has she said let's meet up or I'll come and stay as we're passing.

I used to get this sort of guilt trip from in laws. You’re out of order. Trips visiting people are often busy. It’s hard to “just pop in” when you’ve got to be back home getting ready for work. It if means you’ve got to cut short your time seeing whoever you’ve gone to visit.

Birdie- her grown up DDis at uni. Of course I wouldn't expect her to interrupt family time but she is hitting the shops for a few hours. Her DH will not go with her so surely it's a perfect opportunity? With a bit of forward planning my Mum would have the girls for a couple of hours.
They drive virtually past the door on the way there and back so even a quick coffee would be nice.
You are absolutely right about making friends here, it's rural so hard. This is my best friend though, not an acquaintance! She also doesn't have friends where she lives so I don't understand it!

My DM also lives in the city she frequently travels to, which is only 45 mins away from me so I could easily meet for lunch and a catch up if she let me know in advance.

Have you suggested that to her?

PurpleDasies Yes I have suggested that but she responds by saying we must get some dates in the diary for another time. The trouble is this doesn't happen and she never lets me know in advance when she's up even though they are obviously not spur of the moment trips (relatives 50th birthday this weekend). I guess that's a brush off and I should accept that maybe she just wants the time to herself. Wish she'd just say that though! I really try to make the effort for a couple of friends I made in my old town up north and we meet up every few months, sometimes meeting halfway or at each other's houses. Maybe I am just expecting too much of her.

I’m sorry OP but she’s just not that into you :( it sucks but she could make the effort but she can’t be bothered. I think you’re best to put effort into new friendships