IVe been fighting for so long I want to give up - everything is just too much - i don’t know what the point of it is anymore - I’m currently on limited mobility due to disectomy 4 weeks ago - this was a fight - the wound opened up when stitches were removed - I say stitches it was one long stitch - unusual the nurse said to me - deliberate I think on part of surgeon - removal was bloody painful I asked her to stop - she said I could go next door to minor injuries for gas and air. I’ve been on antibiotics to ward off an infection. I’ve think I’ve somehow caught a nerve and so also have pain in my hip now pretty much like before the op! Not sure what I should be doing - think pretty much nothing but I have limited help. I’ve been back & Firth to the surgery every couple of days to get dressing changed!
My kids I really don’t think get it - thy are busy with their own lives - full on college up to a levels next summer both working part time and quite active social lives - I have to ask for a cup of tea!
I posted a thread about a complicated house purchase. 9 months of backwards and forwards to wales - the builde refused to sell to me even When matched other buyers offer and could exchange and complete within a week. Estate agents lied to me I know this they do too - to make matters worse I have seen another house through them and went to seller direct to view.
I have the landlord of the former family home coming to do an inspection next week - MY Dd has said she will help me - this is going to be last minute. I HAVe boxes of stuff all over the place to ebay to car boot I can’t lift anything - I can’t even put my own socks on - this is how I am.
IVe been keeping the house on for the kids - tryi g to give them stability to completion of a levels. THIs impacts on me financially hence reason looking to wales to live - this is not ideal- kids have not yet decided on uni - so everything is up in air!
MY KIDs are great don’t get me wrong - under previous family situation they are doing fine - but i feelgiven changed circumstances I am getting short changed! Everything I’m doing is about them but I’m no too The on,y parent. THe X cancelled court case for CMS at last minute as I knew he would but put me through months of stress.
My Ds based on Mn will be a manchild - why? I didn’t raise him lkie this he knows how to use the washing machine he knows how tocook yet everybloody day he leaves his clothes on the floor dirty dishes by the sink - why because I think He is overloaded not lazy - possible aspergers traits - referred for assessment but never diagnosed. CAmhs referral but refused to go refused to talk - does not bode well for future relationships!
My Dd on the other hand obsessed with money - will not eat when out as costs her - waits til gets home - How will this set her up for the future?
I really don’t know where I went wrong - I have fucked up magnificantly. My whole lfe has been one fucking joke - doing things for other people - when you stand up for yourself it creates shite - because when people should care they don’t They should care without being asked reminded cajoled and when you lose it because youve had enough you’re seen as the crazy one
Well I’ve had enough no more crazy no more fight just nothing - and now I’ve got to get to the bloody Drs again - lift or taxi ? - there should be no doubt but there Is - is this My issue or someone else’s - another depressive blip - coming up to 1 December - my mums anniversary - unconditional love at its best - but her life not easy either