Anyone else's first Christmas single?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

Hi all
So me and my ex separated 2 days after Christmas last year as that was the day I found out he was having an affair with someone at work. The few weeks leading up to this I had asked him what was wrong as he had been very moody to the point where the kids had started asking him why he was so grumpy. He then told me he was "unhappy" and gave me the usual bullsh*t and put the blame on me, as I have discovered most men who have affairs to. Anyway, my point is that although we were 'together' over Christmas last year, it was very difficult and very much a brave face for the children until my discovery just after Christmas, which made everything make sense.

We were married 13 years, together 17 so this is my first Christmas single in a LONG time. Part of me is dreading it but I've always loved this time of year so don't want him to take that from me too. I guess this isn't helped by it being our anniversary a week before Christmas.

We have sorted arrangements for the children and they are still looking forward to it so I don't want them to know I'm not. It will just be...strange I guess. I have brilliant parents who me and the kids will spend most of Christmas day with but I can't help think about how different it's going to be this year. All those traditions we had as a family, all the things we used to do, putting up the decorations together, etc.

I don't know what the point of my post is really and I know I am very lucky to have what i do. Just wondering if anyone else is feeling similar things?

My small advice to you is make sure your bedroom or sleeping area is really lovely - warm, nice soft furnishings, nice lighting, new pyjamas. When you wake up Christmas morning and go to bed Christmas night you can feel all snuggly and warm. Nothing worse than feeling a bit lonely in a cold bright/dark room.

At least you have your kids and your parents and clearly have a great time.

This will be my eight Christmas single. I have no kids, no siblings, I shall see my parents (we get on but more like neighbours rather than close) for the morning but spend the rest of the day on my own. That'll be the same right through until new year pretty much. A great friend of mine died on Xmas Eve when I was 18 25 years ago, so it's often been difficult and losing my fab grandparents who I used to see a lot over this period in 2016 and 2017 has pretty much killed what little enjoyment I got from it. I would dearly love to have someone to share it with.

This isn't meant as a pity party. I appreciate this is your first Xmas without him, but it's not like you split up recently - you've had almost a year apart. With loving family around, I would have thought you will have a pretty good time, really, and that perhaps you're pre-thinking and over-thinking something that, come the time, you will probably hardly really think about, or at least nothing more than a bit wistful. Yes it will be different, but then so was the first one when your first child. So was the first one as a married woman etc. Christmas changes throughout our lives.

Like the previous poster I only have elderly parents who I shall see for 2 or 3 hours on Christmas Day. I have no one else.
I am dreading Christmas and New Year because last year I had someone for the first time in 20 years. The relationship wasnt good but at least I wasnt on my own.
I will be off work for 10 days an more than likely not speak to anyone for most of them

I'm alone over Christmas - would rather be at work to be honest and God knows I could do with the money.

I'm divorced, DC will be with their Dad.

Re-create your own Christmas that is different to the ones you had.

I bought a natural tree (previously artificial) got the kids to make all the decorations. Went to the craft shop and bought all the materials. Spent hours doing the decorations and then they did the tree. Great fun. Completely different to what had gone before. Nice long walk in the woods in the afternoon, nicely wrapped up and got full of mud. Came home all had showers, into PJ's and watched a lovely movie on Netflix. Whilst eating ice cream.
Think outside the box OP. Make it your Christmas.

This will be my first Christmas single. I'm staying with my parents so won't be on my own, though it will be strange not to have my DS with me for the first time ever at Christmas

Yes it'll be my first single Christmas too. It's a time of year I've been struggling with but I'm going to try to make the best of it. Different doesn't have to mean bad.
The Ex had a large family so Christmases were always very busy, lots of people to buy presents for and lots of visits to schedule in, it's going to be a lot quieter this year for sure. I don't have kids so I haven't got any obligations or rituals to fill the time.
I'm going to try to make the most of the time off work to catch up with friends, If nothing else it's a day I can drink baileys and eat toblerone in my pyjamas and watch trashy TV.

noego can I come to yours for Christmas?? It sounds great!

Thanks everyone and I’m sorry some of you will also find Christmas difficult.
Like I said, I know I have lots to be thankful for and I really am. I’ve just spent every Christmas with my husband for so long and we have so many memories associated with Christmas that it will be strange. It’s the last ‘first’ I guess at the end of a year of many ‘firsts’ without him.
I can do it though and me and the kids are going to make new traditions of our own. You’re right @secondarymincepie - different doesn’t have to mean bad.
I hope we all have the best Christmasses we possibly can x

@CousinKrispy

It was years ago when after the ex had moved out. We still talk about it :)

I’m facing the first Christmas without my STBXH for 25 years. I lost my DD 18 years ago and my DM 2 years ago. I have a lovely grown DS but he lives with his girlfriend.

I’m having Christmas dinner with my DS and his girlfriend’s family, we’re all going out to a restaurant which will be different.

I have to admit I’m not really looking forward to waking up Christmas morning on my own. My STBXH absolutely loved Christmas and decorated the entire house inside and out. It galls me that he’ll probably be doing all that with OW this year.

I’ve decided I’m going to try to keep as busy as possible and accept all invitations offered.

It’s only one day after all.

This will be my sixth Christmas alone . With time I have got used to it . I have a DS but he spends the day with his dad's family. No family in this part of the world, so it's just an ordinary day for me

Hi Op, yes, my first xmas period alone in a long time due to family break up, albeit i instigated it! I have my DC's xmas eve and xmas day so am luckier than most. However, there is a long gap from Boxing Day to NYE when I will be alone. I have no family, they are either dead now or I'm NC with family or my friends this year have shown themselves to be self absorbed douche bags who are not avail for me despite me having been there for them! So, I have decided and intend to do the following while I'm alone:

1. Been putting a small sum of money by each week and will be ordering myself a small but perfectly formed box of Leonidas chocolates.

2. Signed up to Netflix.

3. I live rurally and always been afraid to walk on my own but to hell with that! I'm going to go for a daily invigorating walk around England's green and pleasant land and all the white van men who make lewd comments to me and try and intimidate me can 🖕

4. I'm am going to make the most amazing meals using all the xmas leftovers while drinking champagne.

5. I'm going to go on Mumsnet and interact with others who are finding this time of year hard, and we will laugh!

6. I'm going to hang those new rose bud design blinds that I ordered last year and DH was going to put up, but didn't &
   still fester in my garage, they need to shine and I can drill holes!

7. I'm going to go shopping in the sales and buy myself my favourite perfume at half price and smell gorgeous until March!

8. I'm going to work on my self esteem. I'm going to research and read up on why I allow myself to be everyone's support.

9. I'm going to learn from my mistakes and make huge changes in my life.

10. I'm going to welcome 2019 in with my beautiful DC's,flowing champagne and a realisation that I am good enough and I can do this and that 2019 is going to be my year!

Xmas is good OP! ❤️

Sadly I have ... weird ... living arrangements which mean I can't just loll on the sofa watching Christmas TV on my own, which I'd love And no money for treats really