What could he be getting her for Xmas...?

[zozozoo]

So earlier this evening in response to me suggesting what I think is a good idea of a present to get our dd for Xmas, dp says he'll be getting her something himself for when she's older. I ask what it will be. He says it's none of my business. Whaaat? I bring it up again later... Why is it none of my business? Because he doesn't trust me with the information. Great.

I feel shit on by the fact he's responded to me like that and sad as it's like he's decided to place me at a distance for some reason. Though I reckon that in his head it's probably perfectly legitimate to not tell me and thinks he was just being honest, plus he doesn't owe me an explanation and can do what he likes. True, he doesn't have to tell me but isn't part of having a child together sharing ideas in respect of said child? What if he's regretting having dd wth me? I'm going to feel really uncomfortable that he'll have given our baby a secret to keep from me already! That's fucked up isn't it? Am I overreacting?

So two questions dear mners:

1. Should he tell me what it is, or at least offer some explanation as to why he doesn't wish to tell me? Why?
2. What on earth could it be?!

PS I've never shown myself to be untrustworthy and I will be speaking to him tomorrow hopefully.

Dd finally sleeping so I'll be doing the same. Thanks in advance for any replies

That would hugely piss me off - it's secretive, controlling, humiliating and just plain rude.

If the parents are together, I think it's normal for them to give a joint present to their DC, not separate ones. Even if there are separate presents, it's definitely not normal to keep all knowledge of them secret from the other parent! I can't think of one good reason for that.

I found it weird and humiliating enough when my mum wouldn't tell me what she was buying for my DC (turns out they had one already, so it went to the charity shop... best to check in future, Mum!). But to have a DP doing this is beyond what I would find tolerable.

You’ve been ridiculous, I bet he doesn’t even know what he’s buying yet and wishes he hadn’t started it.

I think it's a bit odd but you may be overreacting a bit.

I wanted to get my DD a pearl bracelet for her 1st birthday, I had it engraved and really wanted it to be a gift from mother to daughter. I didn't keep it a secret as such from DP but I didn't mention it as he shows little interest in presents anyway then on Xmas day when she opened it I explained I wanted to give her something special personally.

Yeah OP's husband's a complete nutter.

Look at her past posts.

I’d be unhappy with this OP. It’s weird behaviour. You’re supposed to be a parenting partnership and it’s supposed to be fun selecting xmas gifts TOGETHER! You might as well be parenting separately because that’s what this is like. I’d be feeling sidelined and upset

Well, I wasn't quite going that far, but something you wouldn't approve of. DF would see nothing wrong in buying me revealing clothes for example, which I see as wildly inappropriate. Or a 15 rated DVD when I was 6.

A crucifix and you're an atheist?

But whatever it is it'll come with a message of don't trust your mother. This will be his first gift to her.

Eh? He hasn't said you will never know and he will tell her not to ever tell you.

She's a baby. She has no clue!

Day to day he's great actually despite one incident some time ago that got cleared up and dealt with well in the end, so this has come out of the blue. Thank you everyone for your ideas - quite a mix! All being taken on board.
In the event that he really doesn't get why I could legitimately take issue with this, they will come in handy to help me explain. But thank you for getting it, even if I may be going a bit too far in my ideas. And then I'll decide whether to take back the large amount of trust I have placed in him...

It's between me and DD

What an odd thing to say. Does he see you as a family? Or you and DD and mother and daughter and he and DD as father and daughter?

How does he see the relationship between the two of you?

Just such a bizarre attitude.

Where did the ‘don’t trust your Mother’ idea come from. It’s a present from a Father to his daughter FFS.

You are completely over reacting.

You should nurture individual relationships with your children.

It's weird, but maybe because it's your DD's first xmas it's going to be more of a sentimental gift that he actually wants to be a surprise for you rather than her?

I agree, "that's between me and DD" could mean that he's bought you a combined gift. Matching bracelets or something.

Oh bumbother that seems like such a sweet and normal idea. I wish I lived in a world like that sometimes.
Well we had a chat and I didn't ask he didn't tell but eventually he gave an inch... He said he trusts me in general just not on this specific thing, because... He hasn't known me long enough! Well that'll do me. He agreed he was reserving judgement as opposed to thinking badly about me already, which is fair enough so we left it there.

He trusts you enough and has known you long enough to bring a CHILD into the world with you, but can’t tell you this?

He’s being a dick.

Maybe he wants it to be a surprise for you too?

Eh? You have a child but he hasn't known you long enough to trust you to not tell your baby what he's buying her? Bizarre.