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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Social services please help

3 replies

MirelaMaria · 15/11/2018 16:31

Hi everyone, i had been involved with social services for the first time and i am scared and don't really understand what is happening...and with my problem i can't really go and ask people left right and center.
A couple of months ago at around 9am i had a knock at the door and it was the police. They came n and told me that someone using our ip address has searched for and sent through an old e-mail of my husbands a photo of a little naked girl in between 10 and 12 years old. They took all our laptops, phones, sd cards etc and told us that social will come and see us later.
A few hours later a social worker called and said she will pop over in a bit. When she got to our house she seemed very friendly and gave my husband the benefit of the doubt. She said she had no worries and that she will be in contact with us as soon as the investigation is over and the only condition we had was that my husband is not allowed to stay alone with the children (DS is two and half and DD nine months) which i found perfectly reasonable. She soon left and we haven't heard from her for a month when she called to let us know the investigation is finished and that the police hasn't found anything.
She came to see us the next day and she seemed a lot more distant than the last time she said that even though police didn't find anything on any of the devices and the only thing they have to hold on to is the picture my husband did or did not send 2-3 years ago. But she said even though they didn't find anything she won't take any risks as the email could've been sent by my husband and she want for my husband to have an assessment with a professional to make sure everything is ok and after that we should be finished if everything goes well. Of course i agreed, i understand all they want is to make sure my children are safe and i am grateful for that. But i talked to her over the phone a week after she visited, i called to let her know the kids were with their grandparents for the weekend and she said that as i called she wanted to also ask me not let my son sleep with us in bed anymore (as he had nightmares at the time due to all the halloween ads). the next week she came over again when i was home alone and seemed to be completely against my husband, recommending me to move out with the kids, telling me even if my husband passes the meeting he has with the professional who is suppose to check on him that they will still be involved and check on my kids all the time when they will be older and that i have to inform them that their dad is a possible sex offender and that i will be better if don't stay with him. She added that my husband shouldn't even change nappies or help with baths even if i am in the room and asked me if i agree to unannounced visits which i said i do she also put the children on child in need plan.
She red to me the new conditions from a paper and after apologized she doesn't have copy and put everything in her bag, i didn't see any of the documents she has on us. She never gives me options she just tells me what i should agree to. I asked last friday for copy of what we can have and asked her where i could get info regarding what happened with my husbands investigation. She told she is at training and that i should call 101 for anything more regarding my husband and that was about it.
The other day i called again to let her know the kids are away again and she called back saying that she just remembered she needs the name and address of my husband's two nieces (15 and 11) who live in 100 miles away to see if they have ever been abused by my husband when he visited his sister.
So after this long boring story i have a few questions i really hope you could help me with

  1. If she came here and saw the kids are fine and happy, we agreed with everything, they didn't find anything on my husband during the police investigation, she has talked to health visitor, doctors, my therapist and everyone said only good things about my husband then why is it getting worse and worse instead of getting better?
  1. With the unannounced visits up to what time do they come at night? since it happened i have been sleeping on the sofa, i am always dressed and stressed and ready for a visit.
  1. I do know that most women say these, but i do know my husband and i know he will never hurt my children or anyone else's children , he is such a loving dedicated father, a great husband....he is a very good man and we had a happy family why isn't this ending? can they do this forever if they don't have any proof of anything?
OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 15/11/2018 17:03

She can't actually tell you what their investigation has unearthed if they don't have actual proof but only suspections. If they are trying to contact his nieces it doesn't sound like it's actually over. Just the computer search bit.

But it sounds like more bad stuff has been discovered but no physical evidence has neen discovered and she is trying to tell you that in a roundabout way. It's a great leap from one photograph, to her new recommendations. So something has changed or been discovered since her first visit.

CAB might help you get access to the ss files. You certainly need to know what grounds they have for these extreme recommendations.

BumbleBeee69 · 15/11/2018 17:16

Where you officially told by the Police that they had closed their investigations ?
What are Social Services investigating exactly?
You should consider a Lawyer, even if to just get answers because at the moment you know very little of not alot ? and nobody is providing you with answers guidance or assurances ?
Is you DH a risk or is he not ?
What does your DH say about the Email/Photo?

it's all very vague OP, but there are lots of SW professionals on here, i'm sure one will be along shortly to advise the best route for you Flowers

blackcat86 · 15/11/2018 17:31

I think you need to be very careful here. I am also wondering if something else has been unearthed. Were you actually told that the investigation was formally closed and if so what was there explanation regarding your IP address being involved? It sounds like you're getting the vibe that the social worker has concerns but that doesn't mean they you can't request the information that they hold on you and ask to speak with her manager if you feel that she isn't treating you fairly. I would full cooperate with whatever they ask as otherwise this may be seen as failing to protect your children (even if you do not think there is anything to protect them from). Have you asked the social worker to elaborate on her concerns as it seems there is more going on? I would speak to CAB.

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