NC / LC - how to cope when the other person ups the ante.....

[another20]

Trying to put in NC / LC with a Narc DSis - but this seems to have enraged her.....so the contact is almost constant. I am finding it exhausting - to bat back calmly and consistently - she is now going through my children. Most people would just get the hint and leave you alone - this is really getting me down. It is not an option to say why as she would go nuclear.

This is a common trait, she makes the decisions in this relationship not you! If she can't get to you directly she will go through other people and make a nuisance of herself to try and force you to do what she wants.

Ignore. If people pass on msgs just thank them and smile, don't explain anything.

This is textbook reaction I'm afraid - she will bombard you with contact, in every form she can, including "flying monkeys" (usually other family members employed to put pressure on you and make you feel guilty).

The only way to get through it is to starve her of oxygen. NO contact, no reaction, nothing. Don't be tempted to explain yourself or write a letter - absolutely no response for as long as it takes. If other family members try to involve themselves, just say that you have made your decision and you do not wish to discuss it.

She will stop, eventually.

I’ve been where you are and I’m afraid this is quite common with narcissistic people.

I went nc after advice on here and it made things worse for me.

In the end I got professional advice and it was to be in touch but grey rock and quietly slip away. It’s bloody hard but was the only thing that worked in the end because they had to feel in control

She is using emotional terrorism to keep her mind games going. Block her from your children's phones/live if necessary. Don't give her a second of your time because that's exactly what she wants. She sees this as a game she can "win." Don't let her.

I'm in pretty much the same position and apparently the "olive branches" are no longer going to continue to be presented. Ironically I don't feel like they are olive branches, more like grenades. I've been NC for a month and bombarded this past week. I've not been this stressed (physical symptoms and mental / emotional stress) for a good few weeks now and it's made me realise just why I needed to go NC.

Meeting a flying monkey today - I doubt it will get me anywhere but the pressure to meet up is exhausting so I said yes, for 30mins.

Stay strong. Grey rock has sort of worked with my STBXH - hopefully it'll help in some way to deal with the constant barrage of contact for you.

I've got a narc Dsis. Even typing that makes me feel sick.

I have learned so much from threads such as these and reading around narcissistic behaviours. Some examples have left me open mouthed when I see the parallels.

Good luck with yours. I am approaching the 'end game' with mine.

How is she going through your kids?

block her from all forms of comms - their phones and emails too

then carry on with the NC

Just had a letter directly from Narc DSis's solicitor to say that she has asked her solicitor to write to me as she has appointed me executor of her will.....WTF.....plan to ignore. Letter doesn't ask my permission or to confirm that I am executor - it just tells me that I am ! Is that even possible?

Wow. If that’s what she does while you are NC it must have been horrible when you were in contact.

I can’t answer the legalities. We just appointed my in laws, there was no need for a solicitor to formally inform them. I wouldn’t be surprised if the solicitor advised against having you as an executor since you have NC.

This could be the ‘health scare’ tactic. Hoping you will get in touch to ask why she should need a will and her saying about her ‘diagnosis’. It’s a known and nasty method to force contact.

I haven’t told her I am NC - so in effect it is LC in that I am only in her presence if it is another family event that I have to go to. I am getting the “she’s so ill and on her knees” from another flying monkey. But I don’t engage