need handhold to leave and stick to it this time

[Anotheridiot]

I have lost count of the number of times I have tried to leave DH. I have a pattern of telling him i've had enough, finding somewhere else to live and then just letting it get brushed under the carpet until the next time.
He is always grumpy, he criticises everything I do, i feel like I can't do anything right. He is like a dark cloud over us most of the time. DC tell me they hate him, he is unfair on them all but especially DS1 who is not his biological child. Some examples of his personality or behaviour are:
DS1 had run out of the breakfast cereal he likes, I said he could walk round the corner to the local shop and get some, DH said no, we are not wasting money on cereal, ds should eat the other cereal, I said all DC's had the cereal they liked and DS doesn't like them, whats the issue with spending £2 on cereal? He raised his voice as he always does, I refused to back down as I am sick of him telling me what to do all the time, if I want to buy my son cereal then i will, he kicked off and stormed out the door to work. After he had left I noticed DS1's mobile phone was missing, I had left it on top of DH chest of drawers the night before, I text Dh asking him if he knew where it was, he denied it. Later once he had returned from work the phone suddenly appeared in the living room, i asked him how it got there, he said he found it on top of his drawers. I told him I had looked everywhere for it and it definitely was not there, he starting shouting at me asking if I was calling him a liar, I just said I know it wasn't there, he then proceeded to call me a stupid bitch amongst other things.
I know he took the phone, I think its his way of being in control as I disobeyed him and let DS buy cereal.
He is very controlling but in small ways.

anyway, I can't keep going on like this, it's a miserable existence for me and DC.

Handhold please ...

How horrible of him to behave like such a controlling bully! Poor little children
Please don’t hesitate to call the police

Another hand hold.

As suggested give documents to a relative, also bank details if there are joint accounts. Let school know, and tell your GP. It’s a hugely stressful situation, obviously, so tell them you are stressed but dealing with the situation. Tell your solicitor about the threat to trash the house and you with nothing. That in itself is emotional abuse without everything else.

And be kind to yourself. In case you get doubts, or accusations, about breaking the family up, it’s already broken and you are fixing it. Your DC will prefer to be from a broken home rather than in a broken home.

Thank you all

Hand hold as well. Call the police next time he kicks off and the children say they are scared. He needs to know this is serious and you will not be pushed around.

How did he respond to you spending your first night in your new bed?
Hope you are ok x

So how bad has it got to get before you do finally give up and leave? If it was me I would go ahead and rent a place, and I'd move out PDQ! It must be utterly miserable living there with that bully! I'd be worried for my safety tbh.

Then I'd have to pay the rent on the new place and wouldn't be able to afford any contribution towards the house with H. He had the choice pay it all, pay half or pay none. In either of the last 2 options the house would eventually get repossessed, and you'd both lose a lot of money. But you'd be a lot happier and so would the DC.

I've not been in your situation but I really feel for you. I think you need to leave or you won't respect yourself again.

He told me to make sure I get all of my stuff out of the bedroom, didn’t offer to lend a hand moving my chest of drawers even though he is well aware I have a medical issue hereto shouldn’t lift anything heavy.
He went to bed without saying anything last night. Stayed in bed this morning whilst I sorted dc out, then expected us all to take ds1&2 to football training together?? Seriously, I couldn’t help but laugh when he said that. He then picked on ds1 again and told him he wouldn’t take him to football as he said he had lied about something (which was a misunderstanding) so he took ds2 and I drove ds1! Pathetic.

I have just called for a second viewing on one of the houses I saw

You need to go and soon. He is already starting to use the dc to mess with your head.

I was going to go to my parents house tonight to get away from him but he has made it impossible. Threatened to take the wheels off my car as he paid for them.
He has said he won’t leave, he won’t pay the mortgage even if I leave and he will smash the place up.

What the hell do I do? I just want him to disappear. He’s making me feel guilty about dc, accusing me of having an affair.

Now because I haven’t gone he is being me nice again

Taxi. Tonight.

He really is a piece of work, get out OP and stick to your guns, keep focusing on the future, and don't get sidetracked by his threats and manipulating behaviour

He hasn’t actually taken the wheels off, just threatened to. I don’t think he would actually do it. He also threatened to phone my parents and tell them I’m a liar, they are on holiday and I haven’t told them anything as I don’t want to ruin it for them, we’ve been here many times before.
I told him I have an appointment Monday with a solicitor.

When I split from abusive exh I filed for divorce and didn't tell him for a fortnight.

Hi
I just wanted to say you have got this, if he gets nasty call the police.
I got my controlling/emotionally/verbally abusive husband to leave on sunday night. Its hard but once its done you will feel much better for it.
The thing that really helped me to get the courage to do it was a post on mumsnet. I can't find it again to say thank you though! Basicially the poster said visualise everyone who loves / cares for you standing behind you, giving you strength, include all those wonderful faceless people on mumsnet, people who have passed away, God, angels or whatever you belief. Visualise them all standing behind you, supporting you, giving you strength.
You can do this

Thank you

Changed my username Adora10

How long until your parents are back from holiday? Good luck with the solicitor

They only went yesterday, they are back Saturday.
I’m having a wobble this morning, I feel so guilty to the younger dc, I’m taking them away from their daddy.

Did you read what I said about doubts and accusations?

You are not taking them away from someone who loves them and would do everyone within the power to support and nurture them.

Seriously, tell your solicitor about all the threats, trash the house, remove the bed you bough, take wheels off your car, isolate you from your parents by telling them you are a liar. These things are all meant to keep you in your place, on the floor.

And do not tell him about your efforts to get away from him.

Stay strong, there is a better way to live. Keep that in mind. A peaceful loving future with your kids. You can do this 🌸🌸

He makes me feel like it’s all in my head.
Had a lovely, actually, not lovely but ok, afternoon together, took dc3&4 out together as he wanted to come With us and dc 1&2 are with exdh.
I told him a few home truths (not in front of dc) about why I ended our marriage, not because I have met someone else as he keeps accusing. I thought he was getting it.
But.. I keep rekey, I have been here before, he’s not sorry, he’s nit even said he is, he has just listened which is the only change.
It will still be the same eventually.
I just wish we didn’t have to loose our house

Hang in there x

You can do this @GettingBrave you don't want the kids growing up with him as an example. You lose the house you lose the house but you and the kids will have gained freedom