Apologies long post, bear with me. I've had a bad few years, my Mum died very suddenly 2 years ago at the time there were problems with my long term (13 years) relationship and he said he didn't love me any more. We stumbled through 10 months with me trying to make things right as I was still in love with him and he kept telling me it would be ok. Then, whilst on holiday, he confessed (because he had to) that he'd been seeing someone else for over a year. I was completely heartbroken obviously, my trust in men was shattered once again (my marriage broke up after him leading a double life for 4 years!) but with the help of friends and determination I've tried to get myself back on track.
Started online dating and in August met a lovely guy, we clicked and both came off OLD. He is very busy with work (works nights), his son (15 and lives with him and is an inspiring sportsman which takes up a lot of time), doing up his house etc, and so time spent with him isn't the easiest but he was upfront from day one and I said I could deal with this as I have a busy life (I don't work at the moment but have a lot of friends and play sport and also do some voluntary work).
His back story is that he was very hurt by his girlfriend of over two years who he split from in February. She couldn't deal with the time restraints he always had and I believe, from what I've deduced, couldn't deal with his close relationship with his son (who apparently didn't like her). From what he's said, this broke his heart and he didn't actually imagine he would meet anyone else.
We've had to deal with a lot of time apart, we've both had pre-booked holidays and obviously the time constraints have proved difficult however we have managed to see each other as much as we can and a couple of weeks ago he introduced me to his son (which I know was a big deal). It goes without saying that I like him a huge amount and have always worn my heart on my sleeve, I've never been one to play games and am probably too open with my feelings. However, I ensure I don't come across as needy and am bright and bubbly when I'm with him.
My problem is his lack of affection and me actually not having a clue how he feels about me. My ex was very tactile and would always say that he loved me and would text sweet things etc. I grew up in a household with no real love and affection and so I admit to craving constant reassurance and so now dealing with someone who doesnt give this I find extremely difficult and to be honest makes me sad. He messages me every day but generally just generic stuff and I've got so paranoid I end up seeing how many kisses he puts on the end! When he was away recently he drunk text me some lovely things ie. I miss you so so so much, but anything like that is pretty much non-existent when he's sober! We've been out and about where he lives and he's shown me around his sports club, he comes over to mine as well and we have fun when together.
Sex with him is fabulous and very loving, and afterwards he is very cuddly and affectionate but, like yesterday, when it's time he has to go he just gets up gets dressed, with no "I'm sorry I've got to go" and a kiss or something. He gave me a huge hug and kiss just before he left but then walks out the front door and goes without a backward look. He never says anything like, 'you look gorgeous' or 'lovely' or anything. Yesterday I told him I missed him whilst he was away (in a jokey way) he didn't say anything so I said 'oi this is when you're supposed to say you missed me!', he replied 'don't fish' and then said 'actions and words' which I took to mean that his actions speak more than words.
So, I do wonder whether he is just holding back to protect himself from more hurt. He talks about stuff we'll do in the future, places to go etc but nothing is set in stone and I'm just finding it all incredibly difficult. Yesterday he said 'lets just see how it goes' when I mentioned something about us.
I know I'm giving it all far too much headspace and probably if I was working full time again it wouldn't affect me like it is but I find I'm just so sad and miserable at a time when I should actually be enjoying this relationship. As an aside both my grown up children have both recently left home so, I admit to being pretty lonely and sad about that too, not helped by the fact I've no other family.
Am I asking too much? Is it me that has the problem? Do some men find it difficult to show their emotions especially if they've been hurt in the past? What should I do to try and make this better for me?
Many thanks x