How long should you date someone

[uncoolnn]

How long should you date someone before it becomes more of a relationship than casually dating?

I realise this is vague but just wanted some opinions!

I think it’s a relationship when you agree to be exclusive! But I could be wrong!

It’s a hard one and depends on so many things. What are you both looking for? Do you see each other regularly? Make plans in the future? Have you met his friends/family and vice versa? I’d say all of those things are the start of a relationship. If you’re just going on a date and spending a few hours together once a week it’s probably still just casual.

If you’re making plans beyond the next date.

But mainly you just know. Can take anything from 2 weeks to 2 months.

If its much more than 3 months then it probably won’t happen.

Why do you ask?

Thanks all

I ask because I have been dating someone since April. We see each other roughly twice a week, we make plans for the future, we've met each other's families.

But he won't say we're together. Just dating

I would be looking to let him know I was going to start dating other people and then do just that.

April! :O

It’s never gonna be a relationship sorry OP. When someone is really into you they’ll have had the exclusivity chat and pinned you down within a few months max, trust me. He likes seeing you but it’ll never become anything deeper, so move on if you’re not happy with this.

Since April!!! Be done with him, time waster

How would being in a relationship be different from what you’re doing now?

Is it that he (and you?) are also free to see other people?

I'm a very slow mover. I think I waited 6 months ish. DP was patient and wanted things to move a but faster. We had known one another since being teenagers but I had only split up with last long term boyfriend a year before I started dating DP and wasn't really ready to take any risks again.

Even I would start to be a bit hesitant with someone waiting over about 9 months to be honest. Depending in their reasons and to what extent if any they were seeing other people.

If he does now commit, he is likely to be slow with other things too. Are you bothered about maybe having to wait years to live together and maybe never marry etc etc. If so, maybe you aren't well suited.

He won’t as on he refuses to, or he just hasn’t uttered it?

Neither of us are seeing other people.

A mutual friend said something along the lines of "oh I'm so glad you two have finally coupled up" and his response was "well we're just dating at the minute"

Hmmm, thing is ‘coupled up’ does have a ‘next stop moving in’ vibe about it, so I can see why someone wouldn’t like that.

However ‘just’ dating?

Are you tempted to tell him to get to fuck?

Polka very

I'd ask him what he feels the difference is between just dating and being a couple.

I'd say dating is the casual beginning stages where you're starting to get to know each other (number of dates per week is irrelevant). When you're only seeing each other, consistently, have met families, talk of the future and are several months in, you're a couple. So his response to the friend's comment makes him look like an idiot. There isn't anything casual about where you currently are in the relationship. I'd want to verify we were on the same page with how we each viewed the relationship.

It could be semantics. In your position I would need to either clarify where I stood or bail.

It’s all so complicated these days . In the 80 s you would get pissed , end up in bed, and when you woke up the next day he’d be your boyfriend. All very english and unspoken!

Yes I’m too old to understand ‘dating.’ In my day you were either going out with someone or not.

So he thinks he is dating but not in a relationship?

I’d ask him. That’s the sort of thing I’d do if someone said that and I was unsure about how the other person feels about it. I’d regret it later after thinking about it.
If he says he wants to carry on just dating you need to decide what you want to do about it. It sounds from what you’ve said like you’re in a relationship but you just need to clarify where you both stand.

Sorry OP I think you are more of a placeholder for him. He wouldn't commit to you and if you stay with him you would be one of those women posting on MN in a few years asking that you have been living together but he wouldn't propose, or something to that effect. Make your wishes known now, or leave.

Have you actually talked to him about it and he said to you that he doesn't think it's a relationship - or is it purely that you're miffed about what he said to the mutual friend?

It’s all so complicated these days . In the 80 s you would get pissed , end up in bed, and when you woke up the next day he’d be your boyfriend. All very english and unspoken!

This is exactly what I think! I'd hate to go out with someone who was having sex with other women. If he isn't, then why isn't he prepared to say you're in a relationship? I'd have a talk to him, but be prepared to move on alone if he didn't say the right thing. You've been together quite a while now.

Ask him what he means by just dating and if he coniders you his girlfriend. If not and that's what you want then tell him.

Never commit to someone who hasn't asked you to. (I learned the hard way, too)

It's definitely been long enough that it's reasonable to have a conversation about what 'dating' actually means and where he sees the relationship going. I think you need to know whether you both want the same things.

For me I'd want to know that it's a relationship around the time when sex becomes part of the equation, so fairly early doors.

You see each other roughly twice a week ? So it could be more or less ?