Had enough.

[HadEnough1234]

That’s it basically!
Had enough of DH. Drinking and fucking off out presuming that I’ll look after the dog and the baby. Obviously I don’t mind and haven’t got a problem but I don’t think it fare that he can go out drinking till 6am and think that it’s acceptable? Says that he’s in his way home but doesn’t turn up.
Asked him to come home tonight and he’s turned it into an argument. I know what he’s doing, arguing so he can stop out drinking.
He never ever ever looks after our little one, 10 months and won’t do anything with him.
Sorry to swear and moan, I’m just so annoyed/upset/pissed off/confused.

By all means be annoyed/upset/pissed off. But there's not much to be confused about. He's a shit partner and a shit dad and you'd be better off without him.

Tell him not to bother coming home. He is of no use to you

Ugh, I used to be in a relationship just like this! It sucked. Would start arguments purposely to stay out...all night! Would ignore the phone, would drive home drunk and sleep in whilst I did everything!

Note the operative phrase 'used to'.

He's out of order and treating you and dc unfairly. Can you talk to him about it, in a calm and adult manner? And how bad is his drinking?

And do you really want him looking after your baby when he is either drunk or hungover? Yuk

Obviously I don’t mind and haven’t got a problem

Well, I’d say obviously you do mind, and you do have a problem. A DH problem. He goes out drinking until 6am?! How old is he, 20?!

He is a father. Even if he doesn’t want to be one, he is. So he needs to grow up.

He sounds like a complete waste of space tbh, I’d be telling him to get lost. You’d be much better off without him.

Thank you so much for your support. I haven’t any friends I can talk to about this. I haven’t anywhere to go either so I do feel trapped.
I’ve talked to him in the past and he admitted that I’m basically a single parent as he does nothing.
He cut down the drinking for a few weeks and we got on so well and he was being a good dad. Started drinking again though. His problem is that he doesn’t know when to stop. He will go out in the afternoon or early evening then won’t come home till about 4am sometimes 6am. He will do this one a week, sometimes once every two weeks.

I’d never let him look after little one if he’s drunk or hung over......not that he ever tries to!

He sounds a nightmare.

Don't you and your baby and dog deserve better?

Are you in a position to LTB? Or preferably get him to GTFO of your home?

But that’s my point...you don’t want him looking after your child whilst drunk or hungover but by the sound of it there isn’t much sober time...he doesn’t want to...so what are you in it for?

I do love him, but I’m at the point now that I just can’t do this anymore. I need to put our child first.
You’re all right, I do need to LTB, I’ve known this for a while but I’m scared. I haven’t got much money put aside, no friends to talk to or help. Family can’t afford to lend me money, or a place to stay long term, just a few nights.
It’s his house so I can’t expect him to leave. And to be honest I wouldn’t want to stay here.

I know what it’s like to feel trapped and with nowhere to go with a baby to think of. But please understand that the only reason you can’t think of a place to go to with your baby, is because you just can’t imagine yourself there. There are options out there. It takes a little courage and s little step. By staying with your dh, inadvertently you are saying that his behaviour is acceptable to you. People read actions, far more than words. You are hanging onto those small frames of time where your dh ‘tried really hard’. The truth is, he only managed to do what he should be going permanently for just a short time.
Your obviously a lovely person and deserve so much more. Please don’t hang on to a dream that really isn’t ever going to become a reality. If you stay, your dh will always be the same. If you go, maybe just maybe he will realise what he’s lost and do something to change for the best. If he doesn’t, you’ve lost nothing. But you will have gained, a safe environment for yourself and your little one. You’ll be free to be loved by someone who goes t have a dependency and your child won’t gtow up thinking what to my daddy not care for me. Show your child what’s he/she is worth by standing up for him/her. You both deserve to be noticed, loved, and cherished. Your dh can’t offer you that because he’s neglecting himself. You can do this. X

You’ve just made me cry, thank you so much for your encouragement and faith

There are charities you can call. Women’s Aid. If they can’t help there will be other places you can go. They could point you in the right direction. Advice is out there. Nobody will expect you to stay in an environment like that. Imagine yourself and your child in 5 years if you stay. Imagine if you go. You are going to be ok when you leave. It is going to be better. I’ve done it with 3 children. I would never look back ever. X

Thank you so much. I worry because my maternity pay has finished, not due back till next year and child care is so expensive! I haven’t anyone to look after the little one unfortunately so don’t know what I’m going to do money wise.

I’d have to leave my current job as I wouldn’t be able to get there on time (moved away from my family but I’m thinking I’d need to move back as there’s nothing keeping me where I am now). I was going to be leaving anyway as DH can afford for me not to go back to work, I’d be a sahp.

Believe it or not, tears are good. Gets stuff out your system. Show your child what he/she is worth, by giving yourself your true worth. If your dh values you both, he will sort himsrlf out in a serious long term, permanent way. If he can’t, then never look back. Go for gold. In fact, scrap that, go for platinum. Xxxx

Can I just say thank you all so so much for your encouragement and help. Its amazing what a few words from complete strangers can do, you’re all already making me see things a little bit clearer now and that it is possible to get out (although I am scared, I worry so much about finances).
I only have two rl friends who I only see a couple of times a year and I don’t feel I can confide in them.

I had this it was awful, and when he had days off work he would stay in bed all day or go out all day with his mates, I always say now I'm a single mum absolutely nothing has changed, my house is just tidier! He did nothing for me and my dd and I am so glad we aren't together anymore, tbh If he continues like this I would ditch him, you are better off without the stress and arguments about trying to make him spend time with you and your baby, you can't force him to want to be a present dad and partner.

@HadEnough1234 tell them op. I bet they would listen. I have friends I only see a few times a year but if they ever called me up I'd be there for them.

Do you have a joint account? How much is in it? Start looking at places near your family. Take half of whatever money there is, calculate your entitlements and child support. You can do it.

Ref money, there is lots of support out there. I know it’s not ideal but when I left ex I had to use benefits. I stayed at home for a year to readjust with my 3 children and then I went back to work. Housing benefit will cover reasonable rent and council tax. You’ll also get help towards cost of child care when you do go back to work. You really can do this. It’s really not that bad at all. Like another p said, you’re already a single parent. You’ll just have a new home, different source of income and the best bit of all, a new start, bringing new opportunities.
If you can get enough money together for some rent, and then you’ll be on your way. Could your family help you get started perhaps?
Life with just you and dc WILL be far less lonely than life with dh currently. Message me if you need any advice. X

Thank you so much :) tried talking to him this morning but he just keeps saying that he’s not leaving the baby, that he’s not having a life without the baby. Told him I can’t do this anymore and that it’s not acceptable for me and dc to be treated the way we are being treated. He’s going to make things difficult.

He sounds like an alcoholic as much as anything else. To such people alcohol is their primary relationship with their thoughts centering around where the next drink is going to come from.

Why are you and he together?. This is not going to end well and it sounds pretty much awful now.

He is all bluster.

If you are married you have rights and assets are joint.

I would contact the Rights of Women and Womens Aid and seek their advice. The first step to take out is often the hardest and that step is one you need to make on your own.