Might as well be a single mom 🤷🏼‍♀️

[xxjeaxx]

So here we are two weeks after giving birth to my second... and he’s not involved at all.

He’s not done a single feed, changed a single nappy, doesn’t look after new born on his own, I’m still ensuring the house work is done every day, both dogs are walked twice a day, dinner cooked every evening, taking 5 year old to school and picking him up. I’m basically doing everything without his help... I don’t even see the point of been here because it’s not like he’s helping. When I’m stressed and want a 10 minute free time he’s no where to be seen. Unfortunately he owns this house, the one with the income, I have no family and hardly any friends. I want to leave but feel trapped because I have no money and no where to go. 😩

Thought you were very young as well. No judgment here from me.

If you leave you're going to need support, childcare for uni and somewhere to leave to. I would consider contacting your local council, Shelter and the Rights of Women organisations because they can give you further advice.

What are his mother and sister like?. How well do you actually know any of these people at all?.

@CandyCreeper No! Definitely wasn’t planned! I’m at university, wanted to complete university (taken a year out of uni) and wait until I’m a lot older before I thought about more children.

Before moving in with him me and my son lived in our own flat, I gave it up... probably a big mistake tbh. 😩

I guess there is no chance of you regaining the flat?.

no definitely shouldnt have given it up, was it council? they may not rehouse you now. does his mum and sister see the baby much?

You could start by booking a session out -cinema or a session at the gym. Tell him a week in advance and then repeatedly talk about it. Make a big thing of how much you are looking forward to it. Tell him what he will need, to survive two hours with the dcs.
Make sure he has food, nappies, wipes etc on hand. Recruit your older one as an “adviser” to help him.
Sometimes you just have to throw them in at the deep end. Keep your phone on, and stay nearby but out of sight, just in case.

His sisters are only 8... but I talk to him mum on Facebook pretty much daily, she’s always checking in to see how youngest is. His mum lives in Manchester, and we are in Lincoln... he came here for university that’s where we met. 😬

I never planned on getting this serious (ie having a baby) so it was never for me to ask questions or get to know his family... Whenever we spent time together it was more when my eldest was with his Dad/ ex’s family, it’s only been since I became pregnant he came more involved with my eldest. 😬😩

No it wasn’t council, it was a student flat that I got via an agency for uni students. I could probably get help towards finding another property. Xx

He's not going to change and anyway if he has to be forced into taking an interest in you and the baby is that someone you want to be with? It's really difficult based on your circumstances but you have a to plan a future without him.

Have you got contraception sorted OP? It sounds like you need to make sure you don’t have any more unplanned babies until things are a bit more settled.

He sounds crap, but I guess not too different from most 22 year old men. My brother is 23, and spends most of his time out or playing xbox. He doesn’t have a child to look after, but he doesn’t sound unusually immature for a 22 year old.

How’s the relationship otherwise? You don’t have to stay if you are unhappy

Considering I had the implant... and the pill I’m pretty unsure what contraption to even choice next 😩 Plus I’m breastfeeding so need to speak with GP about what is best. Right now sex is 1000% off the cards for the next million years 😂

The relationship was fine before pregnancy & during pregnancy... just this past two weeks and towards the end of pregnancy have been shitty. I guess I’m slightly more mature due to having my eldest so young compared to him. My eldest is 5 so I’ve had 5 years of been a parent and having to put myself last and ensure my eldest always had everything he needed.

I would start planning for a future without him, he sounds useless.

Stop doing everything for him!

Can you get help from your family (financial or otherwise?)

so you talk to the mum on facebook, the baby is 2 weeks old and she hasn't offered to come and help - she knows you've got no family? 8 year olds are usually quite able to help out a bit with entertaining babies too with their mum.

I think you should lay on the line that you need help with her, tell your delightful partner you are going to ask for help so that if there is a backstory that she's not OK in some serious way he mentions it....

manchester and lincoln are hardly that far apart - certainly they could travel up for a weekend to help out.

Are you married or is he just partner/boyfriend?
Is he scared of looking after the baby?

Being a single parent is a lot easier than being with a partner that does nothing to help and offers little support.

I had extra cleaning, washing, ironing and shopping when I was with my partner. He wasn't a partner - he was more like another child to look after. It makes a huge difference.

I found that after we split I finally got free time for myself when he had his overnight shared care.

Nothing to say accept I'm. Sorry this is happening to you. I hope you get things sorted soon.

I found that after we split I finally got free time for myself when he had his overnight shared care.

unfortunately not all exes want to be part of their kids live once they split with the mum, i know from bitter experience! and going by the way this man (and his family) seem so disinterested i would bet the op ends up raising the baby alone. not saying you shouldnt leave op but just saying the realities, he might step up but i wouldnt hold my breath

The more you do the worse he will become, if that's even possible, because he's treating you like utter shit! Instead of listening to those saying could he be depressed, tell him he ships up or you're going to investigate plans to leave and set up on your own, it's utterly pathetic that he is living the life of a single man and sits back with his x box whilst watching you run about doing it all, absolutely fuming on your behalf.

Stop pandering, stop doing anything for him, live as though you are there on your own with child, but, tbh, I don't see him changing and I'd no way be begging a man to invest in me, he's making his feelings perfectly clear, you don't matter. You do!