I could do with some advice as I have a problem and don't know who to talk to.
I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months. The problem is that I don't want to have sex with him. It's not that he is doing anything wrong I just have no interest whatsoever in having sex. I am taking some pretty strong antidepressants (fluoxetine, olanzapine, mirtazapine) so this could be having an effect on my sex drive but I am not at a point where I can come off of these as I feel they help me a lot. I have never had a high sex drive but I have been on antidepressants since my early teens so I don't really know if I would feel any different without them.
The problem is not my boyfriend, I love him and in all other aspects we have a very healthy relationship. We have had sex before but atm I just don't want to and I am finding myself counting the weeks since we last had sex and feeling anxious about it. He has not put any pressure on me at all, all the pressure has come from myself. He hasn't even mentioned anything or tried to initiate anything, he is just waiting for me to initiate sex. He's very respectful like that. I think a lot of my issues stem from my previous two relationships both of which were abusive. Both my ex-boyfriends harassed me for sex constantly and put a lot of pressure on me if we didn't have it regularly. So I frequently had sex when I didn't really want to to keep them happy which didn't make me feel good about myself. My first boyfriend even raped me numerous times when I had explicitly said no.
But this relationship is different. My boyfriend treats me as an equal and seems to see sex as a privilege rather than a right which is unlike what I have experienced before. I'm just feeling more and more anxious about not having sex with him. I think I have been damaged by my previous relationships and view sex not as a loving experience but as being about control, abuse and violence. I just don't know how to change my perception.
I feel like my only options are either to just have sex even though I don't really want to or to carry on not having sex for as long as I feel nessecary but I am becoming increasingly worried about this.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated