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Original poster

Social Media - Am I overreacting?

44 replies

bubblebubbles · 13/11/2018 21:56

So today I find out my partner of 3 years has been liking a load of one specific girls pictures on Instagram. I asked him who the girl was and this was the story I got...

He had met her in a club a few years ago before he met me. Him, her, a few of her friends and a few of his friends all went to the casino together. Nothing happened with him/her - it was just a bunch of people, albeit they never knew each other before meeting in the club that night, having a drink together. After they left the casino that night he never seen or heard from her again until August this year when he went to a club and she was working there. He spoke to her that night, that was it. He went to the club again twice in September, she was working again, he spoke to her again but on one of the occasions said he was really drunk and said to her to follow him on Instagram - which she did and he followed her back. Since they have been ‘following’ each other he has liked every selfie/picture she has posted of herself. She’s posted other pics, pics she’s not in, and he hasn’t liked them - he’s only liked the pics of her. He said he ‘doesn’t know’ why he’s liked these specific pictures. He says ‘doesn’t know’ why he asked someone he doesn’t know and has only spoken to in a club a few times, to follow his Instagram. He doesn’t like any friends or family members pictures and told me he only has an Instagram account as there is this comedian guy on it he likes and uses Instagram to watch this guys videos.

I don’t have Instagram or Facebook as I just can’t be arsed with social media. Also, I’m 37 (so is he) so I’m not interested in posting constant pictures on Instagram.

I’m currently pregnant with our 1st child. I got really pissed off asked him to delete all social media accounts. He thinks I’m overreacting.

I feel like this is a situation a couple in their late teens/early 20’s should be in - it’s pathetic.

Am I overreacting by asking him to delete his social media accounts?

OP posts:
Emma765 · 14/11/2018 10:19

It might feel like asking him to delete social media will solve the problem, but in reality the problem is him, not Facebook or Instagram. Millions of men have Facebook without feeling the need to comment on women's tits.

With regards to the girl....he went back to a club that he doesn't like twice in a matter of weeks because he knew she'd be there. He fancies her. If he can't communicate on Instagram I wouldn't be surprised if he pursues communication another way. I think the problems here go beyond social media.

YoumeandlittleP · 14/11/2018 10:20

I also agree with PP, in that you can make him delete these accounts but essentially he wouldn't done it of his own accord, which won't end well because he'll start either resenting you and/or doing it in secret if he doesn't actually take on board the reasons why he's had to do it.
If he can't own up to the fact that what he's doing is wrong in the first place then this behaviour won't stop because he doesn't have any respect for you or your baby. You said he's done it before too, so unless you can make him understand and admit that he's playing with fire then I can't see what help deleting his accounts would have sorry OP.

Tranquiltess · 15/11/2018 03:46

OT but I've just been on Instagram now, and I've seen that a married male friend of ours (in his late 50s) has just liked several photos of women in bikinis etc. In his case, I presume he doesn't know that people can see what you're liking,

@MrsCar how do you see what someone you follow is liking??Shock

SoleBizzz · 15/11/2018 04:29

Sorry. He is a cheat.

cushioncuddle · 15/11/2018 04:48

Making him get rid of all social media does not get rid of his want to comment or like pictures of girls or his feelings towards them.
You believe this has only happened with two girls but they are just the ones you found out about.
I'd be more worried that he obviously fancies another woman. Deleting doc media doesn't stop his feelings.

LadyRochfordsSpikedGusset · 15/11/2018 05:08

Also, I'm 37 (so is he) so I'm not interested in posting constant pictures on Instagram. I'm afraid OP, the middle-aged are now just as bad if not worse with the narcissistic selfies!

Seriously though, banning (& stalking?) his social media is extreme. Maybe point out it's a bit disrespectful to you and your relationship to like so much of someone's pictures etc, someone in particular like that that he's met too. Ask him how he'd feel if you were doing it with one particular attractive younger man? Other than that you either trust him or you don't. Even if there were no social media if he was a cheating knob he would find a way to do it.

Saying that you are pregnant with his child and obviously hormonal, so IMO at the very least he's being an insensitive arse.

Original poster
bubblebubbles · 15/11/2018 07:25

@ladyrochford

I’m not stalking his social media. Despite me not having any sort of social media, I do actually know a lot of people. People I know, know the 2 girls in question, so stuff like this always gets back to me one way or another. The joys/power of social media eh?!

OP posts:
MrsCar · 15/11/2018 08:16

@Tranquiltess

If you click on the heart (on my iPhone anyway) to see your likes, and then click 'following', you'll see exactly what the people you're following are liking right now.

I think quite a lot of people don't seem to know it though Shock (judging from what I see)

VirtuallyConfused · 15/11/2018 10:27

I just... you want to ban him from all social media??? Seriously?

Whatever is going on with this girl, him liking her Instagram pics is probably the least if your worries. Anything public is likely to be above board - its the private messaging in apps where the real stuff happens and banning apps means he find another way, or create a fake acc on a burner phone.

Tranquiltess · 15/11/2018 10:45

Thanks @MrsCar. It worked :).

MrsCar · 15/11/2018 10:51

👍

Original poster
bubblebubbles · 15/11/2018 11:14

@virtually confused - if you read back on my PP’s I’ve said I’m fine with him unfollowing her on Instagram, but given what he did last year as well, then yea I would prefer he deleted social media. For me ihom liking this girls pic is a big deal. I wouldn't put it as controlling, it is a boundary for me. So if I'm not comfortable with it and you're not happy to oblige, fine I can't be in a relationship like that. If you respect my boundary, then cool.

Some people have hard limits with different topics, I am not forcing him to do anything, I am telling him my hard line and it's his choice to either respect or get out.

I don’t think he’s going to start creating fake accounts on a burner phone either, that all sounds a bit extreme to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
bubblebubbles · 15/11/2018 11:17

Oh and btw - he has respected my request and deleted his Instagram and Facebook accounts.

OP posts:
RosieCockle · 15/11/2018 15:33

So controlling! I'd go ape if my husband tried to get me to delete my Facebook account, even if he did say they were boundaries. It's a slippery slope. It won't stop you being with someone you don't trust, but I'm sure you'll find that out later on down the line...

gamerchick · 15/11/2018 16:02

Well it was pretty obvious from the off how controlling the OP is. Not having SM yet knowing exactly what husband is doing on his screams that. Despite the protests of friends etc...

Not once have I had a conversation with my friends about what my husband's been doing on SM. It's not a normal conversation to have.

Fuppsake · 15/11/2018 17:22

Oh for god sake!! The OP is pregnant and her dick husband is asking girls to follow him on Instagram and liking all their pics (pics which sound to me like posing selfies) and because she’s asked him to delete social media because of her boundaries, she’s being controlling??!!! What a load of shite.

He’s a 37 year old man who’s about to become a father, his attention should be on his pregnant wife and not some narcissist who is posting constant pictures of herself in social media, fishing for likes 🙄

IMO, she’s perfectly reasonable in asking him to delete SM. I would do the same in her situation. People are far too caught up in the social media hype these days. Its actually ridiculous

VirtuallyConfused · 15/11/2018 19:14

My point was that getting him to delete his social media if he is really having an affair is utterly pointless.

His liking some women's pics isn't the issue - it's that he has gone out of his way to go and talk to this same woman and you don't trust him.

If he wants to cheat he will find a way. And i say that as someone who is cheating via social media.

Original poster
bubblebubbles · 15/11/2018 19:57

@VirtuallyConfused

I don’t think he’s having an affair. If I did I would end the relationship. But what he’s doing on social media is disrespectful towards me and makes me look like an idiot. The woman who’s partner is constantly liking (perving) on another girls pictures.

What he did isn’t healthy in a committed relationship, in my opinion.

So I’ve asked him to delete his social media, which he did, and we move on from this. If I find out he’s having an affair then I’ll walk away without even a second glance, simple as that.

OP posts:
Tranquiltess · 15/11/2018 20:36

He’s a 37 year old man who’s about to become a father, his attention should be on his pregnant wife and not some narcissist who is posting constant pictures of herself in social media, fishing for likes

Exactly. Time he stopped behaving like a horny teenager.

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