Will life be hard if I leave?

[HollyLM]

I live in my partners house, we have a 3 year old daughter and I'm planning to leave.

This means I will have to go back home until I sort something for myself.....

Is this going to be really hard on my own? I'd love to hear from anyone who's been in this position.

What if I can't provide a nice life for me and my daughter alone?

I work part-time in recruitment and I'm 30 x

I did this when i was 25 with 2 children, i worked 30hrs a week ,left with nothing a had to go live with my mum my boys got the bed and i slept on the floor, it was hard at times but im glad i did it, i now have a amazing husband & more children.
It was hard sometimes but worth it,was hard not having anything but u can build your life again x

I left ex when ds was 2. I had a pretty grotty flat for 6 months while I house hunted.
The hardest thing is getting used to spending every evening on your own. You won’t have any cover and baby will hopefully be asleep so you can’t go anywhere.
I was ok with that but found it hard to exercise or get my hair cut or have a smear or go to the dentist -again no cover. Also you have to make every decision on your own - does dc need a GP, which school etc.
Childcare is expensive but actually I found I spent less because ex was pretty expensive too.
The good things are the peace, the lack of tension, the freedom to not cook etc.
Both I and ds ate much happier.

“Are much happier.”

Yes, it will be hard on your own.

BUT it will also be much happier if you are currently unhappy.

I left when DS was 10 months old, went to my parents briefly until I could save a deposit to private rent and then we moved into a flat.

We are not well off, it is tiring doing everything by yourself but our home is filled with a love and laughter that would not have been possible if I had stayed with my exh.

Have most of you met someone new?

I'm 32 with 2 kids under 5, I'm 3 months down the line, stayed at my mums until I got our new flat 2 weeks ago and I couldn't be happier.

Look into what benefits you can get and claim as soon as you leave, if you are staying with family it should give you chance to save as much as possible

I met my new husband 6months after i left my ex .x

I had no choice but to move back in with parents at 31. I have DD who was 2 at the time.
She's now 4 and I've just bought my own house. I feel on top of the world that I've achieved it all on my own.
Yes, it was hard going at times living back with my parents, but the support they gave me and DD I can never thank them enough for.
I'm wary about getting in to another relationship if I'm honest but am dating again, and truth be told I feel so much happier now than what I did 3yrs ago! Hope it's onwards and upwards for you too

@missbehaving1000 - that's amazing that you've bought your own house! Do you work full time?

Would you like to have more children in the future?

I assume you've only just started dating as you've been wary like you say?

It will be hard but people can and do rebuild their lives.

I'm 38. My husband moved out earlier this year after years of an abusive marriage. Once the finances are sorted out, things get easier. Get advice on benefits and claim everything you're entitled to. Get as much support as you can from family and friends.

Once I sorted my finances out it's been such a relief. I haven't met anyone and don't know if I will. People from my background don't live together before marriage. I have a ds so I don't know how I can ever let another man into our lives. I have trust issues I suppose. The evenings are hard and lonely. I don't have much family or friends and it is lonely and tough emotionally being on your own. But I know ending my marriage was 100% the right thing to do. I wish I'd done it sooner.

Apologies if my post is depressing. I'm being realistic. It will be hard in the short term if you leave. In the long term it will be so much better for you and dc.

Best of luck op. Xx

This is one of those OPs where it appears to be necessary to make them re-read their posting history and be ridiculously blunt in the hope it finally gets through

This is your posting history, OP:

19 June – partner on drugs
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3282376-Help-Needed

8 July – not only drugs but you discover escort history
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3300181-Is-now-the-time-to-leave-for-good

27 Aug – on this one you’re apparently single
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3348402-30-Single-and-want-more-children

6 Nov – should you leave
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3415774-No-Trust-Should-I-leave

7 Nov – still should you leave
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3417194-how-do-you-leave-a-relationship-when-your-riddled-with-anxiety

8 Nov – you’re about to leave
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3418291-still-time-to-meet-mr-right

13 Nov – still wondering about leaving
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3422870-will-life-be-hard-if-i-leave

13 Nov – talking about the escorts again as if you’ve just discovered it, when that was months ago
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3422923-prostitutes

Everyone has been telling you to leave in all of these threads dating back six months. In all of these threads you go on about scared about not meeting "Mr Right" or having more children.

Give your head a serious fucking wobble. This bloke takes drugs, sleeps with escorts, and you are STILL allowing your daughter to live around this?

You shouldn't be giving ANY thought about finding someone else or having more children yet, and probably not until you've had some counselling for your self esteem and working out why you have accepted this for years. You should be putting your daughter first and providing her with a secure stable home life with her mother. The last thing you should be thinking about is about finding another fucking bloke, for fuck's sake.

@HollyLM Yes I work full time and am lucky that I have a well paid job. I thank my lucky stars I made the decision to return to work rather than go part time after my maternity leave finished or become a SAHM as my ex suggested. Then I would have been left high & dry.

I don't know your position but if your child is 3 are you able to access the 30hrs free childcare and increase your hours at work?

It's a daunting thought having to move back home - I did it for two years but if you have a good relationship with your family their support will be invaluable. Plus, time really does fly and it'll give you time to save some money up and start afresh.

In terms of having another child, no I don't think this is something I would ever consider. I've been through the mill over the last few years and having just come out the other side, in a better place I wouldn't want to jeopardise that and find myself back where I was. I never thought I'd find myself in that position the first time. I sure as hell am not risking it happening again!

DD is a well adjusted little girl, she's happy and I love the set up we have now - me and her against the world! And I don't want that to change.

In hindsight I probably threw myself into dating a bit sooner than I should have done. At the moment I can't ever see myself meeting someone that will make me want to change the life I lead now and I'm happy just to date when I have my down time whilst DD is at her dads. I can't see that changing anytime soon, which I'm happy with as it feels I have the best of both worlds.

Good luck!

I haven't met anyone else but that's because I don't want to. I don't feel the need for a partner right now.

Like Bitchqueen I haven’t tried to find anyone else. I had a short relationship with an ex from years back but now on my own. And that’s fine. Freedom & financial security feel really good and I’m not ready to let anyone in yet.

Thanks everyone.... you've all really given me faith that I can do this and things will be ok whatever happens! xx