Don't want to go to family wedding

[BWrose]

Theres a wedding later on this year. It's a cousin getting married. I'm not overly close to the cousin. The invites should be out in a day now. It should have been out weeks ago if you ask me. There was a save the date thing a few months ago though.

The wedding is so close to Christmas. I don't want to go and I don't have the funds to go. I'm in Ireland and a wedding gift is usually cash of at least 75/100 euro per person. I mentioned to mothet and my brothers my views that I probably won't be able to go. My mother is now nearly pushing me in the direction of going nearly guilt tripping me saying 'do you think I want to go but I have to because I don't want to fall out with them' or something like that.

My mother would like me to go to accompany her or something even though one of my brothers will be going to the wedding. He could do the job.

I told her to go and make her own plans and leave me out from it.

Truth be told, I'm sorted for an outfit from a previous wedding earlier this year. If I was budget, the day could be somewhat doable.

There's another reason I don't want to go. The wedding is in a different county and I don't drive. Things have been off with one of my brothers for some time. He doesn't talk to me anymore. Our only relationship is 'hello/goodbye' in passing. We had no row or falling out to cause this. I made many attempts at conversation and it's been met with one word replies. Honestly, he's hardly able to open his mouth anymore. He used to be a good lad but I don't see an ounce of goodness in him anymore. He used to help at times around the home but he doesn't do that any more. He's overly critical of our mother whenever he does decide to speak. I don't like the person he has become. I see him as self absorbed, selfish and greedy. The night before last has really clinched things for me. There's other issues happening in the extended family and an uncle came to keep us updated. I chatted with my uncle in the kitchen. When my uncle left, my brother managed to get up 'he went to bed after work). He was in the kitchen but I could see it greatly pained him to be in the kitchen for a brief few minutes while he wanted to know what the story was. I was talking and filling him in and with barked back at me with short, sharpish 'yeah' 'yeah' before fleeing to his room again.

More recently another episode from him, he tore around the house looking for clean shirts for the upcoming weekend barking at our mother. Mother turned around and washed and dried and ironed 6 shirts. Of all the shirts my mother worked on, he picked the very shirt my mother didn't work on, huffing going out the door.

I don't know if it's depression or drugs or him being a dick.

I'm zoning out from that non relationship and limiting any involvement with him from here on in and I will be polite/civil if he talks but that's it from me. No more. I don't want to get into a car with him. He will only complain about driving to the wedding anyway. I don't want to spend 5 minutes in his company never mind the guts of a wedding day and sitting across a dinner table looking at his fake smiles for the audience around him.

That sounds awful.
Several close family members suffer from depression and I can’t imagine any of them being such an arsehole over the shirts - that’s not a depression thing, he’s a dick.
Do you both still live with your mother?
I don’t know why you bothered filling him in on the family news 🤷🏻‍♀️
I can see why you’re in no hurry to attend a wedding with him!

When I don’t want to attend social occasions I send an RSVP thanking the person for the invite, but saying I am unable to attend. (No explanation). I wish them a wonderful time and then tell people I’m not going.

To be fair though Ireland is a small place, even to get from cork to Dublin only takes 2 hours on the train. There must be public transport.

It is what it is . An Irish wedding. They prob didnt want to invite the cousins but were told they had to. You should have told them at the save the date point you couldn't make it.

Can you get in touch with your cousin at all?

Ireland is really not a small place in terms of travel time, unless you’re travelling between 2 larger places.

And if OP is the only driver in the family, I can imagine she’d come under huge pressure if she told her mother and brother than they had to take lengthy and more expensive public transport because although she was going to the wedding and has a car, she won’t drive them!

It’s a good point, that if they’re cousins that you can’t be bothered attending for, they’re most likely cousins who only invited you out of form! And will either not mind that you can’t come - or even be pleased (about reduced numbers - not against you personally!)

I wrote in an earlier post, I'm not a driver. It is my brother who drives. I don't want to get into his car with him because I know I'm not welcome. The wedding is in a rural place and in a different county and it would involve a few different bus journeys and then the reception is back in my home county. A lot of traveling for the day. Doable by car.

Anyways I'm ready to really put the lid on this non relationship I have with my brother. I don't want to spend 5 minutes with him never mind a day out with him.

He's staying at his girlfriends place now until Sunday and he will only be back because he has no other place to go to. He will be home no doubt with his usual attitude. Feeling hard done by living at home and barely able to say hello before fleeing to his room no doubt.