Our relationship has changed since he had a heart attack

[dogsbodymum]

Gosh coming up to 3 months married and it’s still a struggle, I feel alone like he’s a different person and after talking to him he feels the same! A week before we got married husband had a heart attack! Totally unexpected but you’d think these things would bring you closer together but it’s changed the dynamics of the relationship. He told me he needs more support 😳. I feel really awful he thinks I haven’t, I thought I was but actually I think what he means is he wants me to take control more of everything even in the bedroom. I feel like it’s all on my shoulders and who’s going to support me, I have no close family and friends seem to have their own problems. Just needed to moan somewhere 😔. I know it's worse for him, he is probably depressed, and I've got to be upbeat, more supportive and dominant in the bedroom. I just feel pressurised. We both feel lonely

I'd say a dose of both couples counselling and individually may do you both the world of good. I'd imagine it was quite a shock to you both. You both need time to come to terms with what happened.

I just feel I'm going to struggle to be the person he wants/needs me to be. But for the relationship to work maybe I do need to change a bit but I feel under pressure but the poor guy has had a heart attack....it's tough!!!

Is he doing cardiac rehab?
3 months is no time at all after a heart attack. He is probably depressed and terrified.
I definitely second the idea of counselling, but I think you should both go separately for a while.
People are often really frightened of having sex after they have had a heart attack - there is a real fear of a further attack or even sudden death happening during sex.
I am so sorry this has happened to him, and you.

Does he want you to do everything because he's still feeling unwell or sees the heart attack of a way of getting everything his own way ?

Focusing on sex seems odd.

Feeling scared to have sex after this is very common, people are frightened it will happen again. This is something you can both get help with, maybe the cardiac rehab team, cardiac nurse or g.p. having a h.a. Is a major life changing experience for many people.

It seems it's not odd actually, sex is all part of masculinity it makes him feel wanted, needed like a man but I'm just not sure I can keep up with his demands. He's not worried sex will make it happen again and I was at first but not anymore.

He is doing rehab but it all takes time also he says he won't keep going if it's all old men as that will make him feel crap.

I mean I go to appointments with him and I do all the housework, cook him and the family nutritious meals, tell him it'll be ok. Go to work look after 4 teenagers, I have fibromyalgia myself so it's not easy and we have sex about once a week. That's not bad is it , but still I'm not supportive enough. I feel pressurised and also useless but it's not about me is it?!!

I mean I know he's the one going through it all and he must be going through a lot mentally and I know it's selfish but what about me? What about my needs just sometimes.

Assuming he had an angiogram and a stent inserted, there's absolutely no reason he can't be a fitter man after having a heart attack. Did he engage with Cardiac rehab? This should build his confidence and they even offer referral to psychology if you/he think he needs it. Is he just referring to you doing more in the bedroom? Or other areas too...