Need one female perspective please

[matrignano]

Hello - newly joined guy who's hoping for some female advice on a recent dating predicament!

Have been seeing a girl for about 2 months, I think we both feel strongly for each other but obviously it's very early days.
Unfortunately though she lives at home (which is in another country) and we've only been able to see each other 3 times since meeting, every time long weekends to maximise our time together.

We're both pretty pragmatic and, as I expected, the last time we met (one week ago) we had the "where is this going" chat. Ultimately we could only agree that we liked each other but that neither of us wanted a long distance relationship going on forever.
We didn't break up, but neither did we (she) agree to commit to trying out the long distance thing, despite my assurances that I wanted to give it a go.
I have quite a few trips planned until January, which she can't/doesn't want to come along to, which I guess make it even more difficult in terms of planning the next time(s) we can be together.

She left Monday last week. We texted all of Monday until bed time. All seemed fine.

Then it started getting quieter, my messages receiving monosyllabic responses, no questions back etc. Last message from her was on Sat afternoon, commenting on a pic I sent but with no follow-up questions. I decided not to respond, to see if she would break the silence at some point.

Last night I was trying to fall asleep but I couldn't as I was thinking about her, so I "caved in" and texted her saying I was thinking about her and missed her.
Got a reply today along the lines of "oh that's nice of you x".

Now, since I've met her she has always been fairly reserved , and even when we meet it takes time for her to "warm up" and feel comfortable with the lovey-dovey stuff.
But her response surprised me as she had no trouble telling me she missed me before. So pretty sure the lack of a "I miss you" back is deliberate. And it broke my heart quite a little bit...

My view - she's decided she doesn't want to give this a shot, and is distancing herself to "protect herself emotionally", but doesn't have the guts to tell me she doesn't want to carry on with me.

Thoughts?

I agree with you op

If you want definite closure then ask her directly if she wants to continue.

matrignano my only thought is this sounds overly complicated.

I'm curious if there is an age difference since you metion she lives at home and call her a girl. Yet you sound like a more mature person.

I wonder where she lives if you will be going frequently to her country (for work?).

Would you consider relocating to her country or she to your country?

"My view - she's decided she doesn't want to give this a shot, and is distancing herself to "protect herself emotionally", but doesn't have the guts to tell me she doesn't want to carry on with me."

Why don't you ask her nicely what she thinks.

Tbh op texting bores me. I would prefer to meet for real or even have a chat on the phone. Texting is only for making arrangements as far as I am concerned. I am well aware that just makes me sound old but hey I ain't no teenager

She’s 29 and I’m 35, so not a massive age gap.
She lives in my home country so I have an inherent reason to visit often anyway. I live in London and she has considered moving here in the past, before we met, but the reality is that getting a job here and leaving everything you know behind is not that easy...

Also agree on the texting thing, I’m not a long distance person either.
But I would have at least liked to try it out, with a view of eventually one of us moving country to be together. Again, easier said than done

I believe your assumption is correct. She is withdrawing and not being direct with you that she wants to end the relationship. She's stringing you along. Sorry :(

I agree with you OP.
She does not want to progress with the relationship.
( I also dislike texts)

If you want to give it another try you should probably Skype or call her. Has to be better than texting. Just a thought. Good luck op.

Thanks all. Will sleep over it for a few days lol

I think we both feel strongly for each other

But nothing has been said/confirmed?

last time we met (one week ago) we had the "where is this going" chat. Ultimately we could only agree that we liked each other but that neither of us wanted a long distance relationship going on forever.
We didn't break up

Umm, didn't you?

You say she "didn't commit to trying the long distance thing despite my assurances" - assurances of what? That you would move home? That it would all be OK somehow and that you would "make it work"?

I don't want to sound brutal, but it sounds like it is over. She may have found it just too hard to say to your face, but she isn't interested in long distance, doesn't want to move to where you are and you have no plans to move back. So what are you left with?

She may even have been trying to break up with you through that conversation but you just wouldn't hear it. You seem very keen to "read between the lines" and assume a lot of things about how she feels, and are disregarding both her words and her actions.

"But I would have at least liked to try it out, with a view of eventually one of us moving country to be together. Again, easier said than done"

Just make it clear to her what is on offer, if she doesn't want it then fine, but do make it clear what you would like.

Good luck.

I think she thinks you’ve broken up, based on what you say about your final weekend together.

TBH it doesn't sound as if she's still interested. It sounds as if she doesn't want to be rude and completely dismiss you (hence her responses), but on the other hand wants you to get the hint with the one worded/short replies. That's just my take on it, and of course I may be completely wrong! If you really want to know, like other posters have said, just ask her.