Need some female perspective please

[matrignano]

Hello - newly joined guy who's hoping for some female advice on a recent dating predicament!

Have been seeing a girl for about 2 months, I think we both feel strongly for each other but obviously it's very early days.
Unfortunately though she lives at home (which is in another country) and we've only been able to see each other 3 times since meeting, every time long weekends to maximise our time together.

We're both pretty pragmatic and, as I expected, the last time we met (one week ago) we had the "where is this going" chat. Ultimately we could only agree that we liked each other but that neither of us wanted a long distance relationship going on forever.
We didn't break up, but neither did we (she) agree to commit to trying out the long distance thing, despite my assurances that I wanted to give it a go.
I have quite a few trips planned until January, which she can't/doesn't want to come along to, which I guess make it even more difficult in terms of planning the next time(s) we can be together.

She left Monday last week. We texted all of Monday until bed time. All seemed fine.

Then it started getting quieter, my messages receiving monosyllabic responses, no questions back etc. Last message from her was on Sat afternoon, commenting on a pic I sent but with no follow-up questions. I decided not to respond, to see if she would break the silence at some point.

Last night I was trying to fall asleep but I couldn't as I was thinking about her, so I "caved in" and texted her saying I was thinking about her and missed her.
Got a reply today along the lines of "oh that's nice of you x".

Now, since I've met her she has always been fairly reserved , and even when we meet it takes time for her to "warm up" and feel comfortable with the lovey-dovey stuff.
But her response surprised me as she had no trouble telling me she missed me before. So pretty sure the lack of a "I miss you" back is deliberate. And it broke my heart quite a little bit...

My view - she's decided she doesn't want to give this a shot, and is distancing herself to "protect herself emotionally", but doesn't have the guts to tell me she doesn't want to carry on with me.

Thoughts?

Sorry posted in the wrong sub-forum, Mods can you please delete?

I think she's just not that into you any more. But the only person who can say why is her.

But you have posted in Telly Addicts topic so you may want to ask the thread to be moved.

To get the post moved, you need to click on the "Report" link at the top of it, and then ask them to move it (to Relationships, probably.) MNHQ are very unlikely to see a post just saying "Mods can you please delete."

Best thing to do is ask her whats going on & what she wants.its best to find out now if your going to give it a go or not so at least u know either way x

It really doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.

I’d just move on.

Ultimately we could only agree that we liked each other but that neither of us wanted a long distance relationship going on forever.

I think this has sadly answered your question. The distance, her other commitments i.e catching up with friends / family / settling back into work etc. may have just taken up her time and for what it was, it was too difficult to maintain. Sorry mate but just move on. It seems she has already :(

PS sorry I just read the thread title, I'm not female, but have been there before with an LDR...

She's just not that into you.
You sound really lovely and sincere - go out there and find someone who deserves & adores you! X

Thanks, obviously not what I wanted to hear but it confirms I’m not just making things up.

I genuinely think she has feelings for me, but the long distance thing is just too daunting and she probably thinks it’s doomed to fail.

With a rational head on, I feel the same way, but I do like this girl and I would have made the effort to at least try it out.

Best to leave it and gather my thoughts for a while!

How old are you?

Why don't you phone her and have a chat and sort things out. Then you know for sure.

I’m 35.
I should call her really, but I’m 1) scared of hearing it’s ended and 2) tempted to see if she has any remorse whatsoever.
Childish I know, but I’m a bit frightened about losing her

I think she's probably already made her decision. I'm not sure why she should feel remorse, though?

Why would she feel remorse?

Sorry, to get really blunt here, no one breaks things off because they're "scared". They break it off because the other person is simply not compelling enough for them.

If she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you. She doesn't want to be with you.

I'm not trying to make you feel shit - I'm just encouraging you to let go of any fantasy that things might work out if this, if that, etc. She's not into you. You'll need to take that on the chin. Onwards and upwards.

At least if you call you will know. Its not nice but it means you can move on. Who knows what she is really thinking you are just surmising.

Actually people do break things off because they are scared. I know. I have.

If I was her and I had feelings and didn't want long distance, I would end it too. I know what I want out if a relationship. I have ended things with people I like because the situation isn't right. I don't want to get to the stage where I like them so much, I think about changing my position on what I want.

There are certain things I want and I want them for a reason. To compromise or get overly involved in a situation where that's not what I am getting, would lead me to being hurt.

I am sorry, but no. I wouldn't at least try.

Another perspective, is that you just give her a bit of space to think about it. That is not easy to do, I know, but in my experience sometimes if someone is feeling nervous or daunted or unsure they just need a bit of time to think it over. Giving her space can't hurt, anyway. It is unlikely to make anything worse.... (providing you can cope with that uncertainty - because your needs are important too!)