Can't help my feelings, feel so bad

[Cosmicunicorn321]

I have been with dp 7 years. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and dp has brought her up as his own. We have a mortgage together.
I have this silly crush on a man at work. He's married. Has kids. I'm not the sort to have affairs or become a home wrecker. I also don't want to betray my dp in any way.

I have thought about my relationship and why this is happening.
I hate kissing dp. He is a terrible kisser but it never bothered me. He is a wonderful, kind, loyal, generous and loving man and it didn't matter.
I don't really fancy him. He has put on 3 stone in the last year and sex is uncomfortable and he gets out of breathe and it's just not enjoyable.
None of this bothered me or so I thought.
This man at work has brought out those lustful feelings in me where I do miss kissing and passion filled sex.
I know in long term relationships things settle and it's not all romance but I miss craving sex and the heat. It's all still in me but I don't enjoy it with dp
I love him and never want to leave him but I don't know what to do. I've tried date nights and romantic nights with candles etc and I still feel the same.
He wants children and I'm putting it off because I need to give myself time to get over this nonsense. I really don't want to leave him or cheat on him and I don't know how to manage these feelings.
If someone asked me what I want for the future my honest answer is i don't know.

if there is no chemistry between you no matter how much he loses weight or kisses you better will help. also no candle light dinners will help either.
very difficult situation to be in.
avoiding the other man is a very good idea, please continue doing so for your sanity.

If it is just the weight gain and the kissing these are easy to rectify just by communicating with each other.

Really? How? Say I don't fancy you because you are fat and you can't kiss either. That's going to do wonders for the relationship!

Cosmicunicorn take it from someone who has been there - if you avoid this attractive man you cannot have, you will simply find another crush and your problems will never go away.

Your feelings towards your partner will never improve unless you address them and you aren't being fair to him to let it carry on without letting him know.

The next time you have a crush, you wont be able to walk away and it will extend to kissing - you will compare your partner unfavourably and everything gets more complicated by the day.

By sitting down and being brutally honest, yes its upsetting, yes it hurts ( i have been on the recieving end and she was right, men shouldn't have tits), but by talking and being frank you can give your partner the kick up the arse thats needed, and it really helps in the long run, watching your partner work hard to be the man you once fell in love with again will rekindle that spark and chemistry, i listened to what my wife said about how i had let myself go, worked hard and we are stronger than ever because she had the courage to tell me, she also gave me advice to how to be a better lover and i thank for for that as well, 17 years together and we are stronger than ever because she spoke up and was blunt with me......painfully so