Is it normal to need time alone?

[Introverted1]

I love my boyfriend and adore his company. But I often feel completely exhausted if we’ve spent too much time together and feel the need to be by myself for a few days at a time.

We’ve been together a year now and thinking about getting a place together (currently both renting) to save money and because we want to. But I’m worried that my need for solitude might spell trouble.

Am I normal?

You're normal. From the sounds of it he gets this as you've been together a year. Maybe think about joing a club in the evening where you can get some space? Or buy a house with a spare room you can retreat to when you need you time?

Perfectly normal. I would go nuts without some time completely alone

I need time on my own. I like to have a space or room where I can retreat to when I need some time. It isn't a problem at the moment because I'm on my own all day but it can be draining being around people all day at work and then all night too regardless of who they are.

Totally normal. When Dh and I first started living together until kids, it wasn't unusual for me to cheerfully tell him I thought he'd really enjoy seeing a movie that night..... cue him departing to leave me in peace!

Sadly, much much harder with children and while he's always perfectly happy if I go out, it's not the same for me as holing up at home alone. I do sometimes go to the gym and nurse a coffee and my book fo 3 hours though.....

That’s good to know others feel the same.

I’ve never lived with anyone romantically before and I wonder if it’ll actually be easier if we did live together instead of going round to each other’s houses because it won’t be such an “event”.

Spare room would be a must I think.

Me and DH are both the same, where we love spending time with each other we both need "alone time" for him thats sitting playing his xbox in the living room, for me it might be going to the gym, or catching up on trash tv in the bedroom. does us the world of good

DH and I both are the same. You’ll find many other though for whom this won’t be. The key is in being with someone who understands and respects you so this isn’t a problem.

This is me - I am very lucky as my boyfriend understands I am quite introverted and enjoy some time and space alone and doesn't have an issue. It also means he gets his own time which I know he enjoys.

I hate being by myself; for the most part, but I'd understand if someone needed this so I think you'll be fine with most people if you haven't already; talk this through with your boyfriend so you've got a plan when you move in together.

It is normal. I have a boyfriend who would move in with me tomorrow. I need lots of space. When you get a place together things will naturally settle and you'll find a way to get time to yourself. I think it's less stressful and in the end you don't even think about it it just happens naturally.

Totally normal. I have friends who 'recharge' by going out and being sociable, but I need to recharge by spending time alone.

I remember joining a gym once to be able to get away from my live-in boyfriend at the time. To my horror, he joined too so we could 'spend more time together.'

Agree that it's worth talking through with your BF - does he enjoy time on his own too?

Nah, DP and I have been together five years, lived together 2. I love it when he has a work do or when I work away for a few days - it's so nice once in a while to recharge and do whatever I want. He thinks the same.

Sometimes he has a mate over and I read-watch tv in my room for some alone time.

Everyone needs a break sometimes.

Very normal! Dp and I both like our own company a bit too much sometimes so it's easier when both parties are similar.

When I went on holiday last year with 2 female relatives I couldn't wait to escape for a bit of me time

Fortunately DP is also someone who likes/needs his own company and space so he totally gets it.

I think the real test will be if/when we have dcs

Completely normal.

Many many people feel this way. One of the reason me and my husband worked well at the beginning was the strange hours we both worked. It meant we had a great time together but had our space. Work even better when we lived together x

Yes! Completely normal. Me and my husband take it in turns to give each other a break at the weekends. One of us looks after the kid, the other goes off to sit in a coffee shop and read for an hour or so. Then we swap. We learnt when we first moved in together that we each 'decompression time' when we get home from work too, especially with jobs that involve interacting with people a lot. So if I get home later than him, he'll give me half an hour to chill out in the bedroom before we start talking about our day, and visa versa. It took some honest discussion at the start of us living together though...

Wouldn't the library do for a few hours peace and quiet? Alternatively a hotel where you could hideaway in their lounge with a coffee or glass of wine.

We have 2 dc's but a big age gap, dd is 7 and ds is 15. We still have our own time and always have done. Luckily the kids are the same!

I’m happily married with kids and definitely need a bit of time by myself, it’s usually an exercise class or run but I do see my friends fairly often as well. I think it’s normal!

I actually don’t think this is normal OP, and it’s a bit of a pink flag for your relationship.

Needing alone time is normal, we all do, but needing several days at a time alone away from your boyfriend after spending time with him suggests to me that he exhausts or irritates you. If you live together you won’t be able to get that much alone time and you’ll be spending portracted periods of time around him.

One of the things I love most about OH is how being with him is almost as relaxed and good as being on my own. I love alone time and so does he, but I don’t feel drained or constricted by being with him for days on end, I don’t feel the need to get away from him or keep him at arms length after being with him for a while.

I’d think very carefully about this relationship. Wanting some alone time is normal. Feeling ‘exhausted’ by being with him and needing SEVERAL DAYS to recover isn’t normal in my opinion, even for a serious introvert. Your partner shouldn’t be someone who makes you feel like that. You’ll struggle big time living with him.

I think it's usual for introverts to need space, tbh. I certainly do.

My idea of the perfect relationship is he has his place and I have mine. We meet up a few nights a week but have our own place to escape to when needed.. aaahhh