Moving back home at 41 with my dd's after divorce. Anyone got any happy ever after' stories for me please?

[Welshcakes0]

Me and my two dd's have been living in the home we once shared with my soon to be Exh for the past 6 years. I have really struggled paying the mortgage whilst studying and working to be financially stable to one day live comfortably. He has always paid maintenance but not physically or emotionally been involved. He has pushed from day one for me to sell but i have fought to stay and its been emotionally and financially hard. However, it's come to a stage where I'm never going to live comfortably if I stay. He is still on the mortgage and I can't change that (long story). I have already paid lots in solicitors bills. I have been advised my next step is taking him to court which I really can't afford. Im tired! I need to finalise everything! I am very lucky that my mum has offered to move in with her man friend so we can move in to her 2 bed property. She more or less lives with him now anyway. I just feel a little bit like a failure. I am so lucky we have somewhere to go but I will have no property as such. I feel like i have fought for nothing. When he left I had arrears which I have only just paid off. It was almost repossessed. So I worry about never being able to get a mortgage again because of my credit scoring.
Has anyone been in this position? How did you feel? What was it like?
Has anyone got any happy ever after stories? I know it's just a property but its our home too. I'm scared of the unknown.

Hi OP! I can totally sympathise with the way you're feeling right now! I lived with my parents for 8 months post split, and I found it really difficult. My son was 3 at the time, and struggled with the change.

In the long run, we have both thrived! We have our own place now, granted its council rented, but it feels like home. My son seems happier than ever, and to be honest I am too!

No man child hanging around the house, not having to clean up his messes, or listen to him droning on about work all evening. I love having my own space.

Hang it there, it does get better, I promise! I thought I'd be living in my parents spare room for the rest of my life, but here I am in my nice little flat with my own lovely things around me.

Hope you start to feel better soon.

B00kworm86 thankyou ;) I'm glad it's worked out for you.

Hi, Welsh.

I left my XH and the family home with my daughter 2.5 years ago. We lived with my elderly parents for 20 months whilst the divorce and house sale went through but moved into our home in spring of this year.

Living with the olds certainly had it's challenges, and doing it all on my own is bloody hard sometimes but I've no regrets at all.

Good luck!

MintyCedric hiya :) that's great news. Did you buy again? I'm hoping to save some money this way and pay off debts too.

I'm in this position at the minute. I've moved back in with my parents while divorce and financials are being sorted as I can't afford to buy or rent until fmh is sold. It's been tough at times, but they've been fantastic and I wouldn't be without them. I can't wait to be able to get my own place, and dream about it every day! I know it will come and it's just temporary, and I'd much rather be here, than still in a miserable environment with my stbxh

I was very lucky that we had enough equity in the house (and a little help from the Bank of Mum & Dad) that I was able buy a little house for me and DD, although it has meant going from 25 hours a week to full-time. I'm term time only so get the holidays off which is great but it can be a bit inflexible if something crops up in term time.

It's worth it though. XH was quite controlling and had to have the final say in everything. DD (she's 14) and I were eating dinner last night and I said that even after 7 months I look around our house and it's exactly how I pictured it when we were going through all the tough times and sometimes I still can't quite believe it's real.

X also used to insist on going camping every bloody year even though I hated it and it made me really anxious. Since leaving we've had a lovely UK based holiday in a cottage with a hot tub (I had to woman up and embrace motorway driving for the first time since I passed my test at 18!) and been on city breaks to Vienna and Barcelona.

Oh and we got two kittens, something my 'dog person' XH would never have allowed.

sosickofthisshit it is only temporary, you're very brave. Glad you are happy.
MintyCedric that's a lovely happy ever after story, thankyou. I will have equity but concerned about my credit rating. I'm scared I won't be able to buy again.

I did it with 3 children. It's now 20 years later and I've been happily remarried for 16 years and have another child. Living with my parents was good and bad but we made it work. Think long-term for rebuilding your finances and think of this as a much need financial break from your EX.

Have you considered making the application to court yourself without a solicitor. If you want to stay in the house what have you got to lose. If the court orders a sale so be it but they might not.

Welsh it's a massive leap of faith taking on a mortgage on your own. I bought my first place very young then sold it when XH and I got together. He wouldn't let me be on the mortgage of our family home and my finances have been shot to shit on a few occasions over the years.

I had an excellent mortgage broker who got me a deal that took into account tax credit and maintenance payments as part of my income which made all the difference in terms of what I could borrow.

I did consider renting as in some ways it would have been easier (could have worked part time...sigh) but ultimately I would have basically been throwing my settlement down the drain.

Disfordarkchocolate that's a nice happy ever after story. I couldn't even imagine dating someone again (absolutely no free time) let alone getting married again. Happy for you :) I'm definitely seeing it as a financial break. Fresh start.
2018ismyyear2018 it costs too much money and I am financially exhausted. I'm ready to leave, it's just the fear.
MintyCedric tour story gives me hope :) I can save some money and hopefully buy again. It's like taking a leap of faith. So scared but trust in new beginnings. I just can't live like this anymore.

@Welshcakes0 it's not always been easy but it's great. I must admit I wasn't looking and then there he was. Good luck.

I couldn't even imagine dating someone again (absolutely no free time)

I hear ya sista!

Must admit I did think I would at least be dating by now. His Lordship had met someone online within 2 weeks of me filing for divorce and they now live together (along with her dog!).

I just don't have the time, energy or confidence and most of the men I fancy are either spoken for, too young or gay!

I do enjoy my own space and having the freedom to make my own decision without constantly having to consult and compromise though, so I've come to the conclusion that for now I just need to make an effort to meet new people, rather than new men once Christmas is out of the way and I'm not hibernating anymore

MintyCedric haha! I feel the same. I thought I would be too. He also met someone pretty quickly (within 2 months). I know I will date one day but for now I am also more interested in meeting new people and just surrounding myself with nice people :)

I moved back in with my folks too last year. My dc were 12 & 14 at the time. Although it was tough, mainly because Dd and I had to share a room it was soooooo worth it.

I have now bought my own house and although I'm mortgaged to the max it is mine. I will never ever depend on another man financially.

I have indeed met somebody else now (there's was no way that was going to happen!!) but we will remain living apart, no future marriage for me either. It's 100% worth it I promise.