Stuck in limbo

[chickflownthenest]

Myself and my partner are together 6 years. We don't live together. We got engaged a few years ago and he broke off the engagement over a difference of opinion regarding property. He doesn't want my daughter to inherit his house (I have my own house) but wants to ensure his nephew gets the house. Long story.

We had a long talk at the weekend and he is still standing firm on this. He stays at my house a few nights a week, but likes to bolt off home to have alone time in his own house for the rest of the week. I am seeing couples all around me getting married for the second time and living together properly and its eating into my soul. He knows I'm unhappy with the situation, but doesn't think we should "give in" and be like every other couple. I just want family life and not a partner who gets up and leaves to go home. I'm in my late 40's and I think its the least I deserve.

I'm scared to walk away in case I've left it too late to meet anybody else. Pathetic eh ? !!!

Everytime I broach the topic of ending the relationship, he says we have a great thing going and I should be thankful as there are so many people our age out there who have no one. I'm so confused. I would welcome any advice please.

Btw, he cheated on me previously and after he pleaded with me to give him a chance, I did. I thought that might have given me some leverage to get the relationship I want, but it hasn't. If anything its made him more determined never to live together.

Do you only want to live with him for 'status' reasons?
He cheated on you.
Shows you no commitment.
Why do you want to continue this?
I'm 50 and very happily single.
I would never want to live with someone full-time now.
Mainly due to wanting to ensure my daughters inheritance stays fully in tact! So I can see where he is coming from.
But honestly. You could move on. The sooner the better!

What do you get out of this relationship exactly?

What does your DD think about your bloke here? On a wider level what do you want to teach her about relationships and what example are you yourself showing her here?.

Why is your relationship bar so low that you have tolerated this rubbish behaviour along with his cheating on you?. He hit paydirt when he met you didn't he?. He saw the word "mug" written on your forehead.

Is this man really better than you being on your own; you are very alone within this so called relationship now. Is this all you think you ultimately deserve?. He sees you as providing bed, board and sex to him; you're some glorified housekeeper who likely also does his washing too. I can see what he gets out of this arrangement and he is lapping it up but what is in this for you?.

I do not think you have at all left it too late to meet someone else, you are after all only in your late 40s and that is not old. If you stay with this man you remain with him out of your own fear of not meeting anyone else so no good reason at all really. Better to be alone than to be so badly accompanied.

Girls, thank you so much for your replies. You are both absolutely right. I was on my own for a very long time raising my kid and spent most weekends sitting in on my own with a bottle of wine and the tv, while all my friends were playing happy families. I had no one to do things at the weekend with or go on holidays with. Then when I met him, suddenly I've got this great social life. We go out and about every weekend. I've been so scared of making the break, because I remember exactly how it felt to be facing every weekend alone.

At the end of the day, I know he's getting more out of the arrangement than I am. He has me for everything that you've said, plus his bachelor pad to run back to when he feels like it.

My daughter despises him and doesn't live at home and refuses to visit when he's there.

I know what I have to do. I just need to find the strength to walk away. Everytime I've tried, he's presented a very reasonable argument as to why we should stay together. Somehow I'm always the unreasonable one.