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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling lonely

24 replies

Alana87 · 12/11/2018 12:22

Hi I'm fairly new to this, I have been with my current partner nearly 3years. I have 4 children from a previous relationship , I was married to the guy. Things just weren't to be. Anyways fast forward to this relationship if you can call it that. Things started great , he was working , I was working, things were great and so was our sex life. For the past year he has not worked , nor is he looking for work. I have took on extra work in the mornings as a cleaner to get extra money. My mum is a great help, she gets the kids to school every morning for me. I just don't know what to do, he lies in bed all day and I mean all day watching tv. Takes no interest in the children , and none in me. I don't get compliments anymore , more the type of compliments like you have good qualifications and you take on an extra job as a cleaner , you should feel so low, his words. I have to pay for everything. He doesn't worry about a thing. Also he refuses sex and has done for about 6 months . He gets jealous if I speak to neighbour's or say they are helping me up with the food shop as they must see me struggling weekly up to the 3rd floor with a weeks shopping for 5 people. He ignores me also. I know he isn't cheating as he is never on his phone or social media. He doesn't go out. I try to talk to him about stuff and he blows up in my face. I'm stuck, is this my life . I just don't know what else I can do. He gets his cigarettes when he asks and whatever else . He goes mad when my ex husband and I get together to attend school meetings etc . Please any advice would be appreciated Smile

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 12/11/2018 12:23

Chuck him out. He's a CF.

Thewalker75 · 12/11/2018 12:26

He contributes nothing to your life. No brainer, leave him.

dilly123 · 12/11/2018 12:26

You are worth more than this... life is all too short & precious don't waste it on him!!

Musti · 12/11/2018 12:28

This is easy- leave him!

Pessismistic · 12/11/2018 12:29

He sounds depressed or he’s lazy why should your mum be helping when he’s there? If he’s not pulling his weight and your working twice as hard I would give him an ultimatum sort your self out and get a job or there’s the door. Why put yourself through this if he’s not helping you in any way he can. Your not getting anything out of this relationship. Good luck.

BundyLancroft · 12/11/2018 14:00

Chuck him out. He is a cock lodger. Think how much nicer your life will be when you don't have this weight around your neck any more.

hellsbellsmelons · 12/11/2018 14:07

So now you have 5 kids!
WTF are you putting up with this!????
Honestly!
He's draining your resources that you should be expending on your DC and NOT this feckin' cocklodger.
Kick him out.
It's really simple!

PotteryGirl · 12/11/2018 14:30

Wow. Pack his bags. You've no valid reason for being with guy.

BitchQueen90 · 12/11/2018 15:09

You get rid of him. You're not obligated to stay with him.

wishywashy6 · 12/11/2018 15:20

Tell him to leave. He's a pointless drain on your life, you'll be happier without him

boomboo · 12/11/2018 15:22

Please get rid, you deserve so much more than this Thanks

Katgurl · 13/11/2018 07:20

You should tell him to leave. He's capable of looking after himself; he wasn't like this at the beginning. Even if he wasn't capable it's not your job, you have your own kids.

If you won't throw him out for your own good then get him out for the children - it is a very bad example to set that this behaviour is acceptable.

NotAnotherParkingFine · 13/11/2018 07:27

What are you waiting for? You don't need permission to end this sorry excuse for a relationship. I repeat, what are you waiting for?

RyderWhiteSwan · 13/11/2018 07:56

Just read your post back, OP. There is no point him being in your life. He is impacting your life negatively, not enhancing it. You've become his maid and provider. You have no other meaning for him.

1tisILeClerc · 13/11/2018 08:06

You could reduce your outgoings by chucking him out and then giving a pack of cigarettes and a sandwich to a homeless person you see on the street, which would make their day.

Butterfly44 · 13/11/2018 08:22

Absolutely get rid. What role model is he to your kids? If he shows no interest they can't like him much. Theirs and your life would be so much happier without him in it!!
Don't ruin your kids childhood by putting up with this. Show them strength and resilience by asking him to leave. It'll empower all of you! Nothing but a drain as others have said.
Yes, it was great at the start but don't dwell on past memories. You are in the now! Don't waste another moment! Life is short as it is x

Lovemademe · 13/11/2018 08:29

Omg that is shockingly bad.

What do you mean you don’t know what to do, this is your life? You can end a relationship at any time. Tell him it’s over. You might need a plan and support from friends and family if he won’t go quietly.

Monday55 · 13/11/2018 08:30

You're already doing everything on your own, he's not bringing anything to the relationship. I'd give him an ultimatum, if nothing improves I'd then kick him out.

lifebegins50 · 13/11/2018 08:40

Why are you tolerating this? Your children are seeing their mum being used and he is a dreadful role model.

What is stopping you asking him to leave? This is who he is, the nice man at the beginning was just an image.

How quickly did you move in together?

Alana87 · 14/11/2018 11:24

Hi , we moved in very quickly together , around 3 months from the beginning of our relationship. Yip I see it now , all an image . I have asked him to leave on numerous occasions but he just says that he is going to start looking around to see were to go. I am totally done. He comes across very intimidating at times . He would say or do anything when my older sons are in the home , 10 and 14 as they would not tolerate this. I need him out , he just won't leave .

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 14/11/2018 11:34

What is the housing situation?
Rented?
In who's name?
Start looking at getting rid of him.
If this is all in your name then pack his stuff up and leave it outside and change the locks.
Don't put up with this crap.
Stop doing anything for him right now.
Make it as uncomfortable as possible.
Not cooking, washing, cleaning, shopping and certainly no money to buy fags!
You are enabling this behaviour.
If it's your place and he won't budge then call 101 and see what can be done to get him out.

DadJoke · 14/11/2018 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DadJoke · 14/11/2018 11:41

(Sorry - with correct link)

Great advice here from Shelter Scotland on kicking him out. He is a parasite.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/11/2018 11:41

He sounds depressed or he’s lazy

No, he is a lazy cocklodger.

Honesty, OP why are you putting up with this? Get some mates or relatives round and get the fucker out. Or call 101 and ask for help.

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