Hurtful comments

[Cubancigar55]

Dh called me a slob. I’m really upset and quite frankly just want to leave. Am I overreacting? To me, it’s a horrible word. I would never use it about anyone!

What brought that on?
Has he called you names before?

Don't think slob would offend me.

What's the context? Lazy? In jammies all day? Not dressed to impress every day?

Tone of voice could be important too.

It’s pretty contemptuous. What’s the context?

I’ve always been houseproud. Over the past two years I’ve had a lot to deal with (new, more demanding career, health issues with one of our children...sorry, deliberately being vague as don’t want anyone I know to see this). Something had to give, and the something was the house. We have a cleaner and are in the middle of major building work, so nothing is where it should be at the mo. Not ideal, but it is what it is. I’ve also just come out of counselling after having had a late miscarriage. In the past, the house being this way would have tipped me over the edge. I’ve tried to cut off from it for my own sanity. Things are out of place, but it’s not ridiculous, and to be expected. Anyway, he called me a slob because of the state of the house.

OP - I think you are still suffering from your miscarriage - so sorry.
As to H - there is an easy way to solve issues with the house - he can start sorting and tidying things that bother him.
Don’t let this get you down. Just get angry/deflect it back to him.

Why is he calling you a slob? He lives there too. I think I’d throw him the rubber gloves and toilet duck and tell him to get on with it.

So what's your DH doing to get the house sorted?

It's his house too. Call him a slob too

He’s a fucking slob. And a sexist prick. and uncaring considering what you’ve been processing.

Why is it all your responsibility? Is he incapable? Doesn't he know where the Hoover is kept?

Why is it all your responsibility? If he doesn’t like the house condition then he can clean it.

Did he say it like "This house is a fucking mess and you're a slob"

Or was it more like "OMG look at this mess. It's ok though, I love you even though you're a slob right now"

It’s his house too, your reply should have been ‘Right back at you, what are you going to do about it’?

Don’t take the bait and instead turn it around on him. All those years when he’s bathed in the reflective glory of your house proudness have come back to bite, idiot.

Ask him what he’s going to do to sort the house out himself, then.

Mine told me today because I forgot to get him to sign something I was’getting sloppy’ it’s really hurtful OP when they come out with stuff like this, if I had said that I would get a ranting lecture on how much work stuff he has to think about!!

I assume he does 50% of what needs doing in the house? Otherwise he's just as bad and has no leg to stand on.
Also how does he think criticism and name calling will motivate you, when clearly what you need is both moral and practical support.

He can sort it or pay for a cleaner. You've had enough to deal with, and kind words rather than insults would be more encouraging.