Is it really ME?? 😔

[Lunabx]

So little back ground here. I've been with my OH for over 2 years and our sex life has always been great. Both thoroughly satisfied with what we had & how often. Over the past few months it has changed incredibly.
My partner lost his erection on day while we were in the midst of the deed so to speak . I never thought much about it at all , maybe he just wasn't that into it ? However since that day everytime we had sex it happened . He either couldnt get hard or lost it before he got close to me. We spoke about it and he has no idea why its happening, he isn't particularly stressed. We then didn't try for a few weeks & thought giving it a break would help within that time we got engaged and I thought that's what had been playing on his mind. We started off with oral for him & he would get hard & finish but as soon as we try for full sex it's gone. I've read alot online and I know it's not necessarily to do with me but its difficult to think that when it happens when he comes close. Has this happened to anyone else and what did you do? Would suggesting viagra help? We otherwise have a brilliant relationship but I have no idea what to say or do to help the situation. I'm 27 & my partners 28 . Any advice would be appreciated!

He’s 28? thought you were going to say he was 70. I don’t think you want to try starting viagra at 28...

Is he doing drugs? Coke? Too much alcohol?

Is he having an affair?

I’m quite sure it’s not you OP. If you express this to him you may make him feel worse so be careful with your reactions. He needs to see the GP. He’s young to be having this sort of problem. It could be physical or emotional. Make sure you don’t put any pressure on him. I feel sure he hates this just as much as you, probably far more. Hope you both get this sorted

Is he depressed or stressed? Has he had a medical review recently? ED can be a sign of physical ill health as well as psychological issues.

It isn't you.

If it worked ok before - it’s most likely psychological.
And NOT you at all....
It’s like a self fulfilling prophecy - it gets hard - he starts worrying it won’t stay hard - and that worry leads to it happening.

Rather than abstaining and focusing on PIV after that - i’d take that pressure off completely.
And continues playing around in other ways, using all available means - and toys if you like that.
And let him make you come in different ways, and vice versa.
Eventually - he’ll relax and it should get back to normal.
Just don’t focus on it as it’s totally contra productive.

Hes definitely not having an affair so that's not even a possibility. He doesn't do drugs not his thing & hes tested regularly due to his job . He says theres nothing stressing him out , it's the first thing I thought of when it became a regular thing. I think it's as you have said he works himself up to the point best worried of failing so ofcourse it fails! I just wasnt sure how to approach it from my side as I dont want to make it worse.

Thanks for the replies!

It's convenient for him that a bj suits...

Is he watching much p0rn?

I had this happen to me once with a guy years ago. I spoke to an older male friend of mine and he told me that actually, I was part of the problem. Because I was stressing so much about it, questioning it, getting upset about it, and bringing it up all the time, I'd made it such a big deal for him that it was inevitable.

So I did everything I could to take sex off the table, take the pressure off, and make sure he was relaxed about it and in a few months it stopped and never happened again.

Of course, he should speak with a doctor about it to check his prostate. And I don't see any reason why a bit of OTC viagra would hurt as a temporary confidence boosting stabiliser.

It's not you. DH does this from time to time and it's just the pressure he puts on himself. It's daft as we're really happy with the way things are. He's perfectly fine and really shouldn't worry but every few years it happens.

Just take the pressure off. No piv, enjoy each other in other ways and it comes back.