I had a lightbulb moment when someone mentioned limerence on here a few weeks ago. There's a name and an explanation for what I think I have and it blew my mind.
I had a chaotic childhood and was orphaned by the age of 5. I grew up being passed around family that never really wanted me. From what I read, attachment issues from childhood can cause it.
I'm married with kids and for the last few months I have been experiencing strong feelings for a colleague. I'm constantly thinking about him and imaging scenarios of us together. I spend lots of time making myself look good on the days I know I will see him and find myself going to his office for little, unnecessary reasons. I've stalked him online and found out details of his life though I would never act on them or ise them in any way.
I haven't said anything to him and I'm pretty sure he has not noticed but who knows...
He's older than me, not that attractive and he's a bit of an arse but for some reason I can't get him out of my head. It's affecting my closeness with DH as I'm permanently in a fog imagining being with the other guy. He put his hand on my arm once when he was talking to me and it's as if that small gesture set off an explosion in my mind and I spent hours thinking about what it meant. I'm sure it meant nothing but my mind doesn't want to accept that.
This is not the first time I have felt this strong pull to someone and it normally wanes after a while. I want it to stop but also, if I'm honest the thrill of it is quite enjoyable too. I spent nearly two years in the same situation but it was over a celebrity so there was distance as I knew nothing could ever happen in real life.
Is this limerence? And how can I deal with it? I feel absolutely insane writing it down as I have never told a soul about it