Tell me about pathological liars

[ZenNudist]

Second relationships thread sorry.

Im concerned a long time friend of mine is a pathological liar. I only see him once a year and its in a large group. He is great fun, really holds court, life of the party. In short, if he is a liar he is probably a problem to others but not to me. The lies if they are lies, are harmless. But if lying, shows hes truly messed up.

I am interested in others' experiences of pathological liars. Especially really convincing ones, and ones that didn't do any harm (does that exist?).

The reason I want to know is because he told some really outlandish stories this weekend. Given how long I've known him youd think I'd have heard this stuff by now. It was so OTT the stories are likely not true. We called him on it and ribbed him but he hasn't backed down. So I'm concerned he holds us in contempt and thinks we are stupid. Thing is he seems to like us all and has turned into a group stalwart so I've always assumed he liked us.

So as not to drip feed, there are other circumstances that make me think he might be a pathological liar:

1. Claims hes blagged his way into his very good job.
2. Alcohol issues (he claims to drink a lot always does in our group but thats just standard meet up behaviour)
3. Has a wife, according to mutual friend have both been unfaithful (none of that may be true - its a conundrum!)
4. Has admitted low self esteem and being a mess so lying may be a boost.

Alternatively all these crazy stories are true. Or he could just be spinning tall tales to entertain what could otherwise be a bit of a lower key gathering. Im confused. Would like to understand others experience of pathological liars. Thanks.

I worked with a pathological liar. She started off by telling stories, ones that had often been reported in the news, where she had played a starring role.
She slipped up by saying one incident, where she was an accidental heroine, took place at Manchester Airport, but according to the papers, occurred at John Lennon Airport.
She also claimed to have a significant qualification she didn't actually have, and when this was exposed, claimed to have a myriad of health issues including cancer and multiple sclerosis.

It was all lies. She was ill though, but not physically.

Thanks @EmmaGeddon (arf at your username) I thought theres bound to be someone working with a PL. That woman sounds really out there. My friend may just do it to entertain us. I can't tell. I dont see him enough to find out. I think I'd like to know if there's other ways to catch them out. I am just going to keep my 'spidey sense' on alert from now on.

My best friend as a teen was a pathological lier. She wasn't even that good at it though I didn't call her out on her lies, I just kind of let them go. Some of her lies were outrageously improbable. We had such good laughs together it didn't seem to matter. We lost touch but my mum bumped into her years later and my friend said how she'd married this guy etc. my mum's a registrar so she looked up the details of the wedding and it's true the guy my friend mentioned did get married but not to my friend ! So I guess she's still living a life full of untruths !

@tenredthings. I guess it doesn't always matter if someone lies and you know its a lie, if you still enjoy their company. Still, what about them? Its not a sign of good mental health is it?

My ex was a pathological liar. I found out when we were applying for visas to go to America and it turned out he was married with three children!

Him and his ex weren't together but he'd never thought to mention his marriage despite us planning our wedding

He's now living another life altogether. He's nearly 40 and lives with his 20-something girlfriend and her mother. He still doesn't see any of his six kids (the three from his marriage were just the top of the iceberg!) To be honest I'm just glad to be out of the whole sorry mess.

He obviously has a lot of issues but he's ruined so many people's lives that I can't feel sorry for him. I just pity him.

I was friends with a girl growing up who was a pathological liar. Her lies went from silly things that she had been at a gym class, or about what she had for lunch, to how much clothes cost to making up a boyfriend and a whole relationship to her uni pals.

She once texted me saying she was hungover in her house when I had literally drove past her at a bus stop 5 mins before so there was really no logic to her lies. She would tell stories of nights out when she would get separated from everyone and end up on this massive adventure where all these wonderful and amazing things would happen.... including one night she met and pulled a famous footballer. Where in reality she was going home drunk alone (Her mum and my mum are best friends as we were next door neighbours) everyone would know she was lying but no1 ever really cared.

I never understood the lies.

I think pathological liars have huge inferiority complexes and tell these tall tales to make themselves feel better. There are cases of people pretending to be doctors, police officers and paramedics to impress people. Quite how they think they are going to get away with it is baffling.

I've met a few. Most recently another parent at school who is quite odd and socially awkward. She's this type:
You say: I've had pneumonia.
She says: Oh, I've actually had lung cancer.
You say: I used to be a TA.
She says: I used to be a head teacher.
You say: I've won £100.
She says: I once won 10k
You say: I went to law school before I changed to x.
She says: I'm actually a lawyer.
You say: I'm getting a book published.
She says: Oh, I've had several books published.
When asked about details goes very vauge and changes the subject.

I know a family of liars. They all tell daft lies that are pointless. Its relentless too. Nothing is too minor or too important to lie about. They may have had an egg butty for lunch but they'll tell u they had a tuna salad. If they spent £2 on a bus ticket, they'll say it was £2.20. They all do it to a greater or lesser extent. It's bloody annoying and you never know what's a lie and what's the truth.

I also had a friend as teen who was a PL. She made up all sorts of stuff, about all kinds of things including boyfriends and the amazing kinky sex they'd had. We were really close, saw each other every day but I never met or saw her with any boyfriend.
We grew apart but because she lied about so many things, some minor, some major, it made me doubt everything she said including that before she came to my school where we met, she said her Dad had died of cancer. I started to think maybe even that was a lie.
After we drifted a year or so later I bumped into a friend who I know was still in contact with her and said "does she still lie about everything?" He said "yeah..." and described something she said which was a bit disturbing.
I do not think she could possibly be leading a happy life now.

It's a mental illness. Probably down to insecurity as pp have said but I wonder if it could be a type of abuse. I wouldn't be able to trust a PL in any way at all.

I briefly worked with a woman once who said her dad had died and she was going to his funeral. It later transpired to be a total lie. I think PLs get to the point where it's simply a habit to lie and they don't know what the truth is half the time.

My step brother claims to from a wealthy family and changed his name. He has span so many tales that he is pretty much no. Intact with family he recently married, I have no idea what he has told his wife.

I'm sure pathological lying is associated with personality disorders but without googling I can't remember which one

I know one very well.

She lies about all sorts and the focus changes depending on her situation at the time. I’ve figured out her pattern over many years and challenged her on it. The pattern is:

Lies about health issues - she’s feeling mentally unwell but can’t express it, so tells people she’s suffering with a physical illness. In the time I’ve known her she’s had days off for all sorts of illnesses, she’s now claiming to have fibromyalgia, but has no diagnosis, hasn’t attended a dr’s appointment for it and has no symptoms. She’s just unhappy but doesnt know how to say that without a physical reason for it.

Lies about amazing wealth - she’s feeling inadequate in a social situation and wants others to think she’s ‘sorted’ in life to make them feel she’s to be respected. She claims to be much better paid than she is. This has caused problems because she stood people she’s on a lot more money than she is at work which has put noses out of joint. Managers can’t tell people she’s lying because of confidentiality, but have had to say ‘I’m not even paid that amount’ when people have reported what she’s told them she’s on.

Lies about past events/ achievements - the motivation here varies, but it’s usually when she wants to have something in common with the person she’s talking to: ‘I used to be a brownie guide’ then she’ll say: ‘oh did you? So did I! I was in girl guiding until I was 15 and got all the badges etc, I became a guider and won awards’. You can interpret it as one-upmanship, but when she does it it’s because she wants to connect with you and doesn’t know how without trying to be the expert in the thing you’re talking about.

Lies about others incompetence - she’ll make up events that have happened at work and tell everyone how she swooped in and saved the day. Again, this is driven by feeling inadequate and needing to feel needed. She does this a lot and it’s usually ‘this person fucked up so I had to do xyz to fix it but a did and now everything is ok’ - it varies from small things to huge things.

It’s sad and I do feel that in her case it stems from a long term mental illness, so I try to u dersrand as much as I can. When she lies and it’s obvious, as her manager I usually just quietly take her for lunch and have a chat about things. I’m quite straight with her and say ‘I noticed you’re feeling a bit unhappy today, do you want to chat about it?’ If she asks why I think that, I’ll say ‘I heard you talking to xxx today about xxx. I know that isn’t true and that’s usually a sign you’re not feeling yourself, what’s going on?’

She opens up sometimes, but sometimes she doesn’t and that’s ok. I never try to embarrass her or blame her or accuse, because at the end of the day she’s clearly unwell, not malicious.

A friend of mine lies all the time from illness to what she buys.i have caught her out many times, once i did confront her and she totally twisted it back on me.we are no longer close friends ive left her too it, i used to get upset over it but not now.think people who are this way need help its not normal to have to lie so much x

I fairly recently dated someone who turned out to be a pathological liar. It actually really frightened me, because I came to realise I had no idea what was the truth and what was fantasy. In the end, I discovered the most humongous lie and that was it for me. I knew I could never trust him.

I believe it was a sign of unresolved issues and mental health problems. I felt sorry for him but it was too much for me to take on.

I guess it's hard to gauge from only snippets of info on the internet, but what makes you think his stories are untrue? I only ask because I tell stories about my life that genuinely make people think, "how the fuck can all of that have happened to one person, this average mess in front of me??", but it's all true. I'm lucky that for every friend I only see once in blue moon who might think I was bigging up my experiences for effect, there are 10 who were with me every step of the way who can confirm all the details. Honestly if I met me I might think I was lying, but I know I'm not! Crazy things really do happen to people, and some people really do seem to attract the maddest of stories.

As a late teen and single dm I had a friend who repeatedly claimed she had mc, despite never mentioning a bf, a few of us took turns visiting her, making sure she was OK etc. Always on the end of a phone, answering door at stupid o'clock despite juggling dc and needing sleep!
As they became more regular, more Dr's app etc, drawing is in to more support. Still no bf, none of us wanting to be the one to call her out .
Lost touch, last I heard she was married but unable to have dc.

I went to school with a pathological liar - told me she was adopted because her biological father sexually abused her, lots of tales of how her adoptive parents treated her, lots of money, horses, etc etc. All lies, every single one of them. When I found out she laughed and said it was just a joke. But I could never trust anything she said again.

Met her again years later at a party in London and she was still telling lies. Must be very tiring trying to remember what tale you've told to who.

An ex of mine was one, he actually said to my face once that he was a pathological liar. Of course in future discussion, he never said this and I imagined it all.

He wasn't the sort to tell tall tales, but it was like he has a certain persons and will spout the same old bollocks lies about himself, I think on some level he actually believes them. I did get to know some of the real him and it mostly wasn't pretty.

Meh, let him go live his bizarre inauthentic life, pity anyone who crosses his path though.