Trust issues

[Longlostuser]

Evening all
Looking for some help on a couple of points.

I've always had trust issues, or at least issues with complete trust. I think this stems from some child hood issues, events in my life that show people cant always be trusted, and sorry to say reading on here. To many stories of broken trust. I guess what I'm coming at is trust is a made up thing, you can trust someone but doesn't mean its solid iyswim.

So earlier this year DH said they'd stop talking to a friend after I expressed concerns over the nature/extent of that friendship. I didn't ask him to do this as I wanted a proper discussion about it instead of a "your over thinking this, I'll stop talking to them"

Since then I've not fully trusted him on this (as I said trust issues) and expected messaging to happen at some point again.

Last night he was staying with family and we were messaging online with app A, through out the night I noticed him online numerous times on app B. Last online was late at night and then again first thing in the morning before my usual good morning message. App B is the one they use to message on. And he has admitted in the past to deleting messages/conversations between them. I looked earlier and there are no conversations for two days on app B.

My two questions are is that odd being on an app all night with no conversations to show for it ?.
And also I've worked really hard on my trust issues, trying to stop my mind over thinking things and going off on flights of fantasy. And calming myself in those moments and just simply trusting in people trusting in my relationship with them. Do you lovely people have any advice/tips in trusting more and curbing my issues/fears. I hate living like this, it drags me down and gives rise to a constant war in my head.

Thankyou for reading this far, it sure starts flowing when you get going.

If I were you I'd just accept that he's probably going to bang other people and agree on "dont ask, dont tell".

Ford - ridiculous advice 🙄

Op- I would be very suspicious that there are no messages for two days since you clearly seen him active on app b. Trust your gut instinct, he's broken your trust before so you have every reason to doubt him and there's a pretty good chance he's up to no good again.

The overall bigger problem is that the trust is gone in your relationship and you're always going to doubt him now forever. It's an awful existence when you can't trust the person your supposed to be able to trust the most, and trust me I know from experience. There is no peace.

Just reread your op and wanted to add, the trust issues you have are not your problem, they are caused by him, stop trying to fix yourself in this relationship. Not being able to trust someone is your brains way of protecting yourself from the potential hurt caused by an untrustworthy person.

Sadie - ridiculous advice. Try living in the real world and not some fantasy world where people are monogamous by nature. 🙄

Ford- just because you enable cheating husbands day in day out dosnt mean the rest of us have to put up with such low standards.

Ford - why don't you go away. Plenty of people are monogamous - but if your world view is that that is impossible then you are not in any place to advise those in a relationship built on monogamy.
Ford - it's not about you and your views this is someone else's life!

OP - maybe you have grounds for lacking trust? Maybe counselling would help you work through this and help you to find trustworthy people in future.

What did s the nature of the original issue with the person? Need more information please? Is he kind? Does he give you solid reasons to doubt him? Is it your gut instinct?