Last year, I was asked to be matron of honour along with my other friend A for friend B’s wedding.
I was the one that introduced them and we were all friends together. They would often meet up more than me as I couldn’t get out as much etc. I was absolutely fine with this, I’m a secure person and am always happy for people.
Friend B had another friend who couldn’t go out much due to childcare and money issues. Friend B had some very good luck and her friend said that that was the final straw for her (I think friend B had been rubbing her nose in it knowing that she had a lot of problems and that’s why B’s friend said that) her friend picked an argument with her about not being invited out on our night out and they fell out. Friend B said she had a lot “on her” as if to say she better stay in her box. It was my first red flag about her as it showed a level of vindictiveness that I do not like. I think this is relevant as it shows her character perhaps.
After this good luck myself and friend A were very happy for her. However A began to complain that friend B kept making excuses to not meet up with her. She had made a new friend and seemed to be able to find the time to be with her all the time. Friend A complained a lot about how she was ignoring her. It didn’t bother me as much as I don’t see the point in forcing people to spend time with me if they’d rather be elsewhere.
This went on for months and during that time I’d met up with friend A a few times because we both had similar days off. After not seeming to be bothered by us for months, friend B became very jealous when she found out that we had seen each other or spoken to each other. It was bizarre! This felt very controlling and weird to me considering she had been basically ignoring us for months. I began to notice also that everything is very one sided with her and we always had to do what she wanted to do. She would get into sulks if she didn’t get her way. I carried on with my boundaries though. All of a sudden B was all over A again and I noticed that she kept trying to bait me into arguments which I didn’t rise to. I said to friend A she is trying to find a reason to dump me as a friend and from her wedding. FOR NO REASON.
Anyway fast forward to the other night and it was a party for friend A’s big birthday. I walked in and smiled and said hello to friend B and she me a dirty look mumbled something and would not make eye contact. I was completely blinded sided as we have not fallen out or anything. I was completely shocked. She caused such an atmosphere that people were commenting on how disgusting she had treated me. She started doing passive aggressive stuff like putting arm round friend A and shouting out this is my maid of honour and being over the top affectionate towards friend A (when she says herself she’s not a huggy person). Friend A was very upset by her treatment of me and tried to ask what was wrong and she just shouted no we are not doing this on your birthday, do not get involved in it. I think this because she has no reason whatsoever. She is one of those women who focuses on looks a lot and will spot attractive women when we are out and say demeaning things about them. She has always commented on what I look like, which I always think is a bit of a warning sign as I don’t focus on crap like that.
BUT although people were disgusted and she had been treating A shabbily for months as usual there is no loyalty. I tried so hard to make friend A birthday lovely and bought her lots of expensive gifts and she turned round and said she could not go out for my upcoming birthday as she had to save for friend B’s hen party! I felt so so hurt. The funny thing is at the beginning of the night friend B’s new friend spoke in a friendly way to me but by the end she was stopped speaking to me too. I just felt utterly confused.
What is that saying about for bad people to flourish good people have to stand back and do nothing. I get the feeling friend B and her new friend really savoured the drama and contemp they showed me that night and I am an easing going fun lover who hates drama. To be honest if friend A wants them around now when we go out and there is and event I just don’t want to go. They will relish treating me like shit and everyone just stands back and accepts it so what’s the point.
I am really starting to think I should just walk away from it all. It’s to immature and odd for me.
My DH shouted at me when I said about doing something special on my birthday and I had an abusive childhood and have no relationship with them.
I feel very sad and isolated and just don’t know how to start again and find nice people to have in my life. I would love some advice please.