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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Difficult mother-in-law

11 replies

ship20 · 11/11/2018 13:41

I am having a not so good relationship with my MIL. She's a great person and I am sure she has good intentions, but her words can be hurtful. Sometimes it seems that she just does not have an end point when she talks. She is dominant and everything has to be her way. She dictates where we should move out to and how our future house should be. She makes comments about me like 'you look ill and seem like you have many problems' or 'what happened to your hair' (I am anaemic and losing a bit of hair).

A little bit of background about me. I lost both parents by the age of 25. I have depression and currently take tablets. May be I'm not used to comments like these. I feel quite suppressed and constantly don't feel good enough. I shared this with my husband who couldn't get where I was coming from. He said that thats how she is and I should just get used to it. I feel im fairly tolerant but everything I do is judged and it all has to her way.

She makes a point several times a day how the first grandchild is the most exciting. My sisinlaw has just had her first child and we do not have any yet. I know its true but I hear it several times a day and that my sisinlaw takes care of herself but I dont etc etc.....

I was told how I shouldn't use commercial creams as they are not natural and that when I get old my face will sag.
Cooking is only good if its her way.

Father-in-law is strict and he listens to the mother-in-laws comments.
I feel really stuck. Like I do not know what to do as I will never be good enough.

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 11/11/2018 14:16

Oh you poor thing. Your husband should be supporting you. Why is she telling you where to live, surely you and your husband should decide?

Holidayshopping · 11/11/2018 14:20

Why do you see her so much for her to be telling you things things several times a day?

Do you live with her?

Does she support you financially?

ship20 · 11/11/2018 14:24

Yep we still live with the in-laws and looking to move out. But we can't move away too far from them. She doesn't support us financially

OP posts:
Rogueone · 11/11/2018 14:39

Why can’t your move far away? She sounds truly dreadful and highly critical. You and your DH need to decide what your future looks like. I get the sense here that you may have a DH problem....I am not seeing anything about him here?

Holidayshopping · 11/11/2018 14:40

She doesn't support us financially

She sort of is, if you are living there without paying market rent and bills?

But anyway-when are you moving out? ASAP?!

ship20 · 11/11/2018 14:46

DH simply doesn't understand and thinks I am getting worked up for no reason as thats how MIL is

OP posts:
Rogueone · 11/11/2018 14:48

ship20 interesting and I appreciate that’s how is he allowing her to dictate your future? As if she is then that’s an issue

SandyY2K · 11/11/2018 14:48

Is your living with them a cultural thing?

I know in some cultures there's a way of saying things without sensitivity and it's deemed acceptable .

Like "you've put on weight since we last saw you. What happened"

Yes...that's been said to me.

ship20 · 11/11/2018 14:48

Agreed with you. I really want to move out but the in-laws and husband collectively have a say in everything. Whenever, I mentioned anything, its disregarded

OP posts:
Rogueone · 11/11/2018 14:50

Oops lost part of my post! Should have read that I appreciate that’s how she is however is he allowing her to dictate your future!

Maelstrop · 11/11/2018 17:23

You need to get your DH on board and ensure that you move to where you want. Don't allow his mother to tell you what to do, it's your life, not hers.

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