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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

An unmumsnetty hand-hold please

27 replies

Thethiniceofanewday · 10/11/2018 21:49

Hosting a male friend for a couple of days. We've been friends for a few years but occasionally fall out as he can be a bit of a prick. He's had a bit to drink tonight and was unpleasantly racist so I asked him to change the subject.

That didn't go so well, he's just harangued me for 15 minutes because I refused to agree with him on a political issue. I asked him several times to stop and ended up looking at my phone (to make the point that I was no longer engaged in the discussion) while he shouted at me.

I'm so upset and I've left him to himself and gone to bed because it's just what my arsehole ex used to do. It's not enough that I disagree, I have to be verbally battered until I accept that I'm wrong. I'm really shaken. Why do men always have to bloody win?

OP posts:
bigchris · 10/11/2018 21:50

Why have a racist prick to stay ?

HettieBettie · 10/11/2018 21:51

Ask him to GTFO

woolduvet · 10/11/2018 21:53

Send him a text that he can read in the morning.
You're a guest in my home and I won't be spoken to like that by anyone. I think it would be the best thing for our friendship for you to leave this morning.
(And then never speak to him again...)

Thethiniceofanewday · 10/11/2018 21:55

big he hasn't been racist before.

OP posts:
TinyTickler · 10/11/2018 21:57

He doesn't sound like someone you need to remain friends with. Get yourself to sleep, in the morning calmly and politely explain that how he spoke to you is not acceptable, then essentially cut all ties with him.

Holding your hand, in sorry he has ruined your evening. x

Gemini69 · 10/11/2018 21:58

he's NOT really a friend...

bigchris · 10/11/2018 21:59

Ok fair enough but he has been a prick before !

Thethiniceofanewday · 10/11/2018 22:07

Friends would agree to disagree, wouldn't they. Without the shouting.

OP posts:
DerelictWreck · 10/11/2018 22:09

Friend can never agree to disagree about something like racism. Either you think his views are abhorrent or you don't. If it's he former, then he's not your friend

Thethiniceofanewday · 10/11/2018 22:12

that's a good point.

OP posts:
DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 10/11/2018 22:16

Urgh, shame you have had to go to your room . Doubt you will get an apology either.

Thethiniceofanewday · 10/11/2018 22:22

Doubt it very much! I am upset with myself for being so shaken.

OP posts:
Watchingthetelly · 10/11/2018 22:25

He sounds like such an arsehole, what an awful way to behave. Sorry OP Flowers

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/11/2018 22:27

Tell him to leave first thing tomorrow.

Tell him you will not have a racist person in your home and you won’t allow anyone to shout at you and abuse you.

Tell him to fuck the fuck off.

Thethiniceofanewday · 10/11/2018 22:30

I did tell him that if he didn't stop talking I would put him out in the fucking street.

OP posts:
Watchingthetelly · 10/11/2018 22:33

I think you were sensible to walk away tonight. Deal with him in the morning and tell him what @woolduvet suggested.

Haffdonga · 10/11/2018 22:43

Do you want to stay friends with him after this?

Thethiniceofanewday · 10/11/2018 23:19

he has made me feel unsafe in my own home so he certainly won't be coming here again.

OP posts:
skunkatanka · 11/11/2018 02:02

Do you have anyone nearby who could come round in the morning?

Joysmum · 11/11/2018 08:19

Has he gone yet?

RyderWhiteSwan · 11/11/2018 08:25

He must leave ASAP. You don't owe him your hospitality after this. Your home is the one place you should feel totally safe in.

Thethiniceofanewday · 11/11/2018 12:42

Thanks everyone, he left this morning after apologising but minimising his behaviour as 'getting a bit loud' after a drink.

OP posts:
RavenLG · 11/11/2018 12:51

I’m not even sure why you let him stay tbh. I seriously wouldn’t want anyone so gross in my house.

labazs · 11/11/2018 13:04

you dont need a friend like him

Watchingthetelly · 11/11/2018 13:28

Phew, glad he is gone!