So I’ve been married for 12 years with my college sweetheart. We have 2 girls, 3 and a half and 14 months. Our relationship has been going downhill for a while; I’m lonely, very tired and maybe depressed (prob not though). I used to be good looking, fun etc and now I’m a zombie. A fat zombie.
Dh works 12 hrs per day and comes back home after 10 every night. Also works weekends sometimes (he is massive workaholic).
I work 35 hrs a week and after I finish work, I pick up the girls from childminder, cook, bath, bedtime, etc. Clean, laundry etc and go to bed. I feel I never talk to adults as my job as a translator is lonely too.somwtimes I catch myself almost taking to myself out loud. My parents come over occasionally but that’s all for adult interaction. Anyway, my youngest doesn’t sleep though and still breastfeeds so I’m up at least 2 or 3 times every night, and I’m up at 5:30 every day. Dh doesn’t want to hear that I’m tired, as he is tired too and doesn’t want to hear bad news. He thinks I complain too much, calls me lazy, bad parent, bad looking, over weight etc. Fair enough sometimes I don’t find time to look after myself. We have a cleaner and therefore he thinks I’m spoiled. He thinks that all the bad habits the girls have are my fault as I’m the one with them most of the time.
The girls love him to bits. My youngest is in love with him... he is a good loving father but prob doesn’t love me anymore. He makes me feel horrible quite often. Always calls me a liar, lazy etc. He always says that many mothers do this, how can I not manage?!
So many times I just want us to stop fighting so end up accepting the blame for things. I’m exhausted. I have had a full night sleep in 3.5 years. My days are long, early start, work, and by the time the girls are sleeping I’m dead. I don’t have many friends as I don’t have time to meet anyone. But I feel super lonely.
Do i sound mad???
Sorry if this post is too long doesn’t make sense! I guess I need a good moan...