Do i contact him?

[RedFallLeaf]

Marriage is over (DV/cheating on his part. He'll prob blame my weight and attitude on my part, who knows).
Both gone zero contact. I (childishly/stupidly) sunk to 'liking' one of his tweets just now...a reply to a woman asking what was best, boobs/butts?...he replied 'you'....then asked if she'd checked her instagram DMs! He's blocked me.
I'm bit annoyed I broke the no contact first tbh.
But now I've done it, should I whatsapp him?

• ask where he wants his clothes sent?
• ask him to post back the parking permit?
• tell him im not renewing the car insurance and road tax (i could really use the money! But im registered keeper, so could screw myself over with that one.)

Or just leave it for now?

He's driven off two weeks ago in the piece of shite car, that all the running-costs I pay for. I knew he was ok from seeing he'd been online. But until just now zero contact between either of us. He's not checked on the kids or spoken to them, but he's occasionally away anyways so eldest hasnt noyiced and youngest are too small to know the difference.

I've been hesitating on changing the lock - but quite happy to do that tomorrow now. Will just look at these screenshots if any doubts creep in.
(I didnt know if he would just kick the door in if he tried to return and found the key didnt work.) I think changing the lock is best in case he becomes angry/volatile at the Qs

If you are the registered keeper of the car, why does he have it? The only contact you should have is asking him for the car back. If you don't want it back, change the registration documents into his name immediately and cancel paying for any insurance or anything else. I wouldn't tell him you've done this either. Sounds like you are well rid.

We had a shared family car. Then I got a second for work, which was solely for my use. Not too fussed about the car, but the insurance is £110 a month. £19 a month road tax.

I want his stuff gone.
Feels like limbo being stuck seeing it.

At the same time, dont want to speak to him.

Cancel the insurance and tax. Report the car stolen.

I’d cancel the insurance and send him one very very brief message to make him aware. (At the most inconvenient time - maybe first thing on Monday morning)

I would tell him to pick up his stuff within 24 hours or you’ll cancel the tax/report it stolen. When he does rock up I’d make sure his stuff was in a pile on the curb. Make yourself a nice cuppa and wave goodbye to that loser

*obviously cancel the insurance as of the end of the 24 pick up window - else he can’t come collect his things

Cancel the insurance..if he gets caught driving it he's the one who'll get done for no insurance. Send him a WhatsApp telling him, get the little blue tick so it's read, then block him. He can't deny knowing then should he hit another car and blame you. You could also include in that messages where you've left his belongings (mutual friend? Family member?) By him collecting them he'd also prove knowledge of the lack of insurance...

I think it is obvious that you cannot maintain no contact. At some point you will need to address the practicalities of separation and divorce. It’s far better to do this without any aggression, passive or otherwise. You are not able to control his behaviour but you can control yours. You just need to be assertive and stick to your agenda not his.

If you are still vulnerable or angry and not fully in control, then leave it a bit longer. But if you feel strong enough then it would be a good time to ask him if he is ready to talk about the practicality of the separation. As opener ask just that, is he ready to work out the practical details of the separation. You can add that for you it is resolving the occupancy of the house and what that means, along with the ownership of the car he is driving. Then take it from there. If he is non responsive take matters in hand but think through consequences. If you stop payments on stuff will he retaliate and what does that mean for you ? List all joint family payments and who makes them. Bear in mind he owns half the house which is your home. As it stands he can return anytime, changed locks or not.

In the meantime seek some support for your situation. If there has been DV see if you can get a order preventing him coming to house. A solicitor, CAB or Women’s Aide can help. Then review your benefits and get them up to date with your situation.

His name isn't on the deeds. He's left the property. I bought a new lock today, will swap it out tomorrow.
I was planning on getting a occupancy order, to ensure he cant bargin/return.

I feel like i could not talk to him for a few more weeks at least.

If you are still vulnerable or angry and not fully in control, then leave it a bit longer.

This is correct. I'm probably not calm enough to handle this properly yet :(

Well unless there is any rush financially in terms of cash flow, just give yourself a breather from all the drama. The finances will get sorted out sooner or later. Just take a couple of days out of the current drama.

Maybe do a bedroom clear out and if you can abit of a do over. New Duvet cover and some nice new sheets, as feminine as you like. A fresh start and a prelude to a goods nights sleep. If you have a good friend who is good company arrange to go for drink or coffee. Maybe a movie, I hear Widows is good.

yes, you will have to deal with the current but that doesn't mean you don't have a nice new future. The calmness will return and it will be the calmness you had before this man.

@lemontt you read my mind. Fresh laundry for the 'master bedroom', is half way done.
Bought a few new clothes items in the sales yesterday. Face mask and nice drink waiting for me tonight (will dredge through netflix till i can find a good movie). Coffee with friend arranged for mid-week.

The rest of this shite can wait.

That's the ticket !

House of Cards new season is out, with Claire Underwood recently widowed and president. Apparently she sacks all the men!!!