NC with mother

[CandyCreeper]

A few years ago my mum did something completely unforgivable. Dont want to go into detail as it will be very outing. I havent spoken to her since. Anyway my dad called me yesterday practically begging me to talk to her again. I really dont want to as I dont forgive what she did, should you always forgive someone just because they are family? anyone else nc with a family member?

No, I don't think you should always forgive just because it's family. In fact I think I expect them to not do awful things even more because they are family.

I am NC with both my parents. I have no interest in either of them and my life has been much better since I realised I don't have to put up with them.

I suppose in your situation, it depends what your relationship was like before this happened and what she actually did.

But ultimately it's your decision, don't feel guilted into something.

Thank you for your comment. I conpletely agree with what you have said and no she wasnt a particularly nice
woman before what happened. my dad was trying to guilt trip me by mentioning my children but truth is she cant be trusted with them.

I think if it feels right to you then stay NC.

I went NC with both of my parents for different reasons. I didn't speak to my mum for about 8 years. I refused to acknowledge her as my mother and I lost contact with my siblings because of this.
However around a year ago I became seriously ill, i died twice and had to be resuscitated. When I came around in hospital it was my mum who was there. I told her to go home at first and kicked up a fuss and asked the ward staff to remove her. She came back the next day and the next until I would see her.
It turned out to be the best thing she ever did because we managed to get past our issues and both feel a lot of time was wasted over those 8 years.
Yes what she did to me was despicable and broke my heart but I know now that she has changed and I never thought we would ever be as close as we are now. She's my best friend and I wouldn't change her for the world. I do regret going NC with her.

Do what you feel is right in your gut but always remember that life is short and you can never get back the time that you choose to spend away from her.

You do not have to talk to her again if you do not want to do so.
Your dad cannot be relied upon either because by calling you he has further acted as her enabler. I would also block your dad from being able to contact you further.

Blood is not binding here. Would you have tolerated this from a friend, no. Your mother and father are no different. It’s not your fault they are like this, you did not make them this way.

Never close the door. You can have any level of contact you want. It can be as little as a birthday card. You may live to regret it if you harden your heart and cut her out of your life forever. You are also hurting your father. What is done cannot be undone but can be forgiven. We all make bad choices sometimes. Younger people can be more unforgiving, older people can also be heartbroken. Look deeply into your heart. Do you want her to go to her grave unforgiven?

I think your father has tried to open a door that should firmly remain closed. Also it wa s he doing this, most likely at your mother,s bidding,

And you do not have to forgive either. Such people like your parents never apologise nor accept any responsibility for their actions.

my mum and dad are not together and he is disabled so i dont blame him as she very manipulative. the funny thing is she hasnt contacted me herself and blanks me if she sees me in the street (not that i say hello to her but weird to then get my dad to beg me to talk to her) genuinely and deep down no i do not want to. i cant move past what she did.

thanks for sharing your similar stories.

Thats the thing AttilaTheMeerkat I have never received an apology.