Another No Contact thread

[Atl377]

Hi all lovely people,I’ve been a long time lurker on here and have read until I’m exhausted.I was with a severely messed up “man” who emotionally and violently abused me and have finally ended it.No children and I’m on day 4.I previously did 6 days before I fell for the future faking lies.After a week of talking I realised he was vile and will never change.I just feel such a fool because I can’t get him out of my head,I can’t eat or sleep,I’m shaking but determined to be rid of him forever,n ed hand hold and a hug x

Hand hold and hug given! you need to eat and drink. A little is better than nothing.

You are NOT a fool. You've done the right thing. Block him everywhere. You're living on adrenalin atm, hence the shaking etc; it will get easier. We are here for you

Oh and write down every vile thing he's ever said/done. Read it when you feel weak and crave contact with him. It really does help!

I am eating little and drinking water.The vileness is so bad and I have wrote a list,he’s disgusting.But the fake version of him is still in my head too,I won’t contact him and he’s blocked on everything.This sounds so stupid but I keep picturing him in my head cheating on me? Don’t care what he’s doing right now it’s like my ego can’t take the thought of him cheating.Dont know if he did but he was so possessive and jealous And that’s usually projection isn’t it x

RyderWhiteSwan And thankyou for replying x

Will it get better right now I feel like I’m just drifting through each day being “false” for my kids,previous to this we spoke and text everyday all day.It feels so odd but I’m crying less than the first week I managed.Im scared it’s too easy and it’s going to hit me or is this as bad as it’ll get because I’m missing him but not that much lol x

Write down all the bad things about him. Focus on that.

If it keeps coming into your head that he was kind/loving/etc remind yourself that that was all fake. That it was all a mask for his real, terrible self. It was not the real him.

6 years on now and I look back at my abusive ex with nothing but disgust. It takes time, but it does get better. Don’t be angry at yourself for hurting, you need to take baby steps but you’ll get past this. Look after yourself.

Yes the list has helped massively and it’s a long one.We didn’t live together so I’m hoping it won’t be as tough as some of the ladies that were married and living with their abusers.I joined a better you group for women and that has been the best thing I’ve done aswell as volunteering and surrounding myself with nice normal people.I think I need counselling though as he destroyed my confidence with the horrific things he said,my looks/body etc.He constantly told me how gorgeous he was and could have any woman hence my narcissist theory🙄 x thankyou all it helps a lot x

Well, Mr Gorgeous can have any woman, except YOU!

Saying horrible things about your looks is a classic from abusive men. Your confidence will return. Treat yourself well, nurture yourself, be your own best friend.

I know he’s full of shit and massively insecure,I see right through the cretin but the names are haunting me now.I could go from the most beautiful girl in the world to the biggest pig faced whore on the same day.what a charmer but it’s all coming back to me now,how shit the sex was and he could tell I’d had lots of sex because how “loose” I was and he’s had much better pussy.He is a revolting manchild and I’m so glad he’s gone but so so ashamed of what I put up with.Its funny but the emotional abuse hurt more than the physical attacks x

Haha the 'lots of sex equals loose fanny' is a total myth perpetuated by - you've guessed it - MEN!

The things he's said to you, you're going to take them personally, of course, but honestly it's standard abuse from men of this sort. You've sussed the insecure little wankstain out, and will soon regain your confidence with the knowledge that he's just another waste of space. Not worth another thought.

I hear you loud and clear but my heart doesnt at the minute.its only 4 days In i suppose what I’m feeling is normal I just want him to disappear from my mind once and for all along with the obsessive images in my head at 2am.I don’t want him back but I miss the “fake” him and the future I imagined we’d have x

There are ways of dealing with obsessive thoughts, try googling some info. One which works for me is loudly shouting "STOP!" if alone, in my mind if not. I have also visualised toxic people in my life being carted off and thrown in a bin lorry! sounds daft, but things like this do help - even in middle of the night. Having the radio on, on a talk/phone in channel also helps when you can't sleep. Concentrating on the discussions really focuses your mind. Or listening to a podcast, anything like that. Helps with the sudden lonliness too.

The fake him is simply that. You had NO future with Mr Gorgeous to miss. All in your mind, over which you will soon gain control.

Will try those thankyou so much for taking the time to reply,he made everything my fault so I imagine him In his next relationship being perfectly happy because I ‘pushed’ him to it and saying to her see I told i it was all her and not me,he’s so perfect,the deluded fool😡 x

Oh these men always have 'crazy exes'! who he's with and what he does is no longer your concern. BUT he won't keep up his fake nice persona with the next one, either. It was him, not you, in any way, shape or form. He is what he is. An abuser and woman hater.

You’re so right,a definite woman hater and entitled,delusional,lying sexist pig,my god my self esteem is that low I put up with that shite for two years.He defintely isn’t my concern anymore he can go live his fake sad empty life with some other poor woman,me and my kids want more xxx

Can I just add/ask I’m only on day 4 and feel surprisingly ok I’m worried it’s all gonna hit me and I’m in denial it have I done my crying in that first horrible week before he contacted me the first time.It has been a long time coming and I knew I didn’t love him it was just infatuation and addiction x

Feel so low today,I miss the idiot although I will not contact him I just feel like everything’s in slow motion,I’m obsessing over what he’s doing and keep bursting randomly into tears(before in Tesco),will he be missing me.I just can’t accept it was all an act I know he had feelings for me as messed up as they were.I keep reading my list of the awful things he did/said to me but it’s not helping today,it’s only day 5 of no contact,maybe I’m expecting too much.Just feel so alone x

What you're feeling is natural. It will take time, but I promise you, you will get through. Who cares if he misses you? If he does - he only misses being able to abuse you.

Me again,I’ve royally fucked up,was going through my contacts and he’s in my phone as scum but blocked I clicked on his name to delete the contact and rang him by accident,it rang once before I managed to end it,cue him ringing back which I ignored,then a text saying ‘don’t ring this again’.Im so annoyed I got to day 6 and now he must think I’m playing stupid mind games.I didn’t respond to call or text is that right or should I reply saying it was accidental,this was at 12 and he hasn’t contacted me again.I feel guilty in a way as I started no contact after our latest row,help me please x

I feel in limbo again because I’ve left him unblocked like a test and keep looking at my phone x

Block him right now OP.... take control back...