Dreading Christmas after he left for another woman

[BallsToSanta]

Last Christmas was spent alone with my kids, my live out partner of 18 months said he had to work and avoided me all Christmas. Five months ago I found out he had been seeing another woman who he spent Christmas with. We split up when I found out and he immediately went public in a relationship with her. They now spend most of their time together and he is very involved with her kids. Friends often see them out and about together, I now avoid going anywhere where I think I might see him. I hate having to drive past her house on my way to work and seeing his car outside after he’s spent the night. I literally go clammy and my heart pounds.

I’m dreading Christmas this year. It literally just is me and the kids, very little family involvement. And I’m sick with jealousy at the thought of him being with her officially over Christmas. Them going to bed together after setting up presents, cooking Christmas dinner together. Basically doing everything that I wanted to do with him.

I pretty much just want to focus on the kids and get through it. But I’m sad because I used to love Christmas and I hate the fact I’m struggling to accept that another woman is living the life I wanted with him.

Bump

So sorry, op. Sending you a hand hold. I know it's tough at this time of the year.

That's awful (flowers)

would you consider inviting somebody who is alone to spend Christmas Day with you? This might take your mind off him for a bit.

Once a cheat ....... they will never have any trust between them . Your better off without him!
Why don't you start a few new Christmas traditions with your kids? Something to focus on.... Do a secret Santa with the kids who can buy/make the silliest gift , make decorations. Keep yourself busy and remember to treat yourself too .

Even worse OP, would be a sham Christmas where he's thinking about someone else and going through the motions with you.

OP my DC are young adults but this will be first Christmas after H left for OW in July. I'm lucky I'm going to friends on Xmas day and have family to spend the odd day with in between. As sad as it is, I'm focussing on the positives.....won't need to please him, listen to his boring endless repeated stories, his shit taste in music.....I'm getting to the stage I'm looking forward to it. Hope you can find some joy too.

But what you want with him wasn't even the reality when you were together. He left you alone last year, and lied to you. At least you know the truth about him now. That life you wanted was a fantasy, and probably is with the OW.

Concentrate on your own family this year. Don't put pressure on yourself, maybe try something different on the day. It will get better.

I completely remember that sharp jealousy. ExH moved in with OH last August. For me, getting more stuff going on in my own life helped- I've ran a half marathon! Also realising what they have is not something I'd settle for- he cheated on both of us for months.

That’s the thing. I spent last Christmas alone thinking he was working when in fact he was with her. I hate feeling jealous, I feel so rejected.

Why would you want him anywhere near you? He sounds like a hideous human being. Enjoy your freedom, buy the foods you love and he hated, watch the programmes you love that he wouldn't, make this Christmas amazing, focus on the little things for your DC's and have fun with them. He's not worth your energy.

Is he the father of your children?

It's so horrible for you but you know at least this Christmas you know where you are - last Christmas he was gaslighting the life out of you.

And what a prize that other woman won, eh? A man who could do this to you could do it to anyone.

Know how you feel op, I had your Christmas last year. My cheating ex was with a an ex close friend of mine! I’d opened up to her all along and she’d been the only friend supportive of him and everything he’d done in the past. She knew how deep my feelings ran and her betrayal hurt most. It still does but silver lining is this years so different .

I’m expecting a baby I didn’t think was possible at all, ex isn’t the father! My babies father and I weren’t in love and it happened by surprise! But life is wonderful
Change happens and I can’t wait to meet my baby around the 5th of December this year!

Please have hope and look forward to people you could meet and fall for. Having that lovely Christmas. It really could be next year, you don’t know what is around the corner for you.

He’ll do the same to her in time and you’ll be happier without him. I’ve been there, dropped like a hot potato, after 14 yrs married, for another woman and thought i’d never get over it. Do something different this Xmas what about doing something charitable with the kids?