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Is this dodgy?

16 replies

Whatisgoingonhere · 10/11/2018 08:39

My husband and I opened a new pack of condoms this week. We used 2. He left the packet on the bedside table the other night and the next day, when my toddler tried to grab them, I popped them under the pillow.

When my husband came home, we were sitting on the bed talking and he found them there. He had a bit of a joke and asked what I’d been up to. Then he took the condoms out of the packet and counted them.

Turns out there is one unaccounted for.

He then asked me again what I’d been up to and asked me where the missing one was. Needless to say, I was pretty annoyed at that and told him he had better find it. I also said he is much more likely to be up to no good than me (he has cheated on every partner he’s been with except for me).

He started looking everywhere and told me to look but I said that since I had only touched the packet today, he’s the one more likely to have lost it, so he needs to find it!!

Things are now really weird. I have trust issues to start with and finding out about his past cheating history last year has made that worse.

Could there be a reasonable explanation for the missing condom??

He said why on earth would he have counted them out if he was up to no good. I stated that he could have done that to avoid me finding out, to make it seem less dodgy...

Plus his accusing me of cheating (which I most definitely haven’t and wouldn’t) seems like deflection...

So I’m asking if this is dodgy or am I being silly?

He never hides his ph but works in a place where affairs are quite common...

OP posts:
bigchris · 10/11/2018 08:44

Could your toddler have taken one as a play thing?

Whatisgoingonhere · 10/11/2018 08:46

I don’t think so, I’m certain the packet was closed and my husband looked everywhere and can’t find it. I’m sure I would have noticed it in his hand.

OP posts:
bionicnemonic · 10/11/2018 08:52

I had a kit kat once that was entirely chocolate, no wafer at all. Factories get things wrong sometimes. Perhaps one was left out of the box?

Sal1977 · 10/11/2018 09:00

I bloody love an all chocolate kit Kat.

If he was going to cheat, surely he'd just buy another pack of jonnies? Tell him to give his head a wobble and forget about it (until your toddler pulls it out of a pocket in the most embarrassing of places). Wink

TheVanguardSix · 10/11/2018 09:03

It's kind of sad to read this. You both have such huge trust issues. Gotta fix that, OP, for your kid's sake.

TheVanguardSix · 10/11/2018 09:03

I bloody love an all chocolate kit Kat.

Talk to me! Grin I could totally go for one right now.

Whatisgoingonhere · 10/11/2018 10:46

Yep I think you’re all right, we both just need to let it go!!

OP posts:
Rigamorph · 10/11/2018 10:56

Agree, the trust issue is the biggest problem.
I trust my DP 100% (not to cheat - trusting him to remember stuff is another matter!). In our house we wouldn't have even thought to count them, and if we did somehow realise there was one missing would assume toddler/dog intervention, or factory mistake.
If your first assumption is cheating then your relationship has issues IMHO.
You could explain that since he has a history of unfaithfulness that you have difficulty trusting him, say you acknowledge that it is something you can work on together, consider a few sessions with Relate if you don't know where to start?

SuperSuperSuper · 10/11/2018 13:40

I think that you need to work on your trust problems together. The missing condom isn't s sign of anything in itself (he'd buy himself a separate pack if he were cheating) but it's been useful in highlighting an issue that you need to address.

Musti · 10/11/2018 13:43

I'm guessing if either of you were cheating it would be more likely to buy new ones rather than risk being found out. You've got to work through your trust issues.

PolkaDoting · 10/11/2018 14:57

Wild guess but...

He knows there is one missing, cos he’s used it.

He find them under the pillow and assumes you have counted them.

He counts them in some bizarre gaslighting episode where he is saying - I must be innocent or I wouldn’t count them. YOU have used one. All the conversation is about you cheating not him.

If I got with someone who had cheated in every partner they had ever had, and their working culture was one accepting of affairs, I would assume he would cheat on me.

Angelkd · 10/11/2018 16:42

I think if either of u were going to cheat then u wouldnt be using the condoms that u both know how much is in, u would buy more & hide them. Does seem a bit strange but maybe there was 1 missing before u even opend them ,these things happen x

Whatisgoingonhere · 10/11/2018 17:33

He wouldn’t be able to hide them at home (small rental, not much stuff here, I’d definitely come across another packet at some stage) and he takes my car to work or gets a lift. He doesn’t have an office or anything similar to hide them.

Yes, we definitely have trust issues to sort out.

Polkadotting, that’s exactly what I thought. Odd that he decided to count them...

OP posts:
DianaT1969 · 10/11/2018 18:48

Was he single when you got together?
If he wasn't, maybe you've always been on alert for cheating. Any unusual behaviour lately? Late home, more gym..

Whatisgoingonhere · 10/11/2018 19:07

Yes he was definitely single. No unusual behaviour.

He did tell me the other day about a man at work whose girlfriend, who also works there, had just left him. I asked him if he knew why and he said no but I felt he wasn’t telling me the truth. Yesterday he told me he’d heard she’d been having an affair with another man at work.

That’s the only thing that I’ve noticed.

OP posts:
MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 10/11/2018 19:25

PolkaDoting post at 14:57 seems most likely to me too.

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