So me and Dp have kind of been in a relationship for a while though it wasn't official until recently. He was my best friend and we have always been close, the whole time we have known eachother.
I spent last night with him and we had a lovely night. I find it very hard speaking about my feelings in real life, which I know bothers him though he doesn't say. He just tells me he is there when I am ready. But, last night, I opened up a bit. He knows my exh abused me and raped me. He has known a while, but I told him some of the low level abuse. He is a good listener and was so lovely. He may me feel listened to, understood, supported and safe.
During the conversation, he opened up some more about his ex wife. I knew she had hit him and that's why he left. His relative is my closest friend so I have known this while. The ex wife went to this relatives house kicking off when she got wind he was with someone and when my friend told her she knew she had hit dp, she admitted it and said she would do it again if she got the chance. So i know its true. He confided in me, that she hit him a few times. He then said that deep down he is expecting me to do this to him too at some point. He says he knows, logically, I am not that sort of person and has never seen behaviour in me that suggests it. But it's still there.
It really gutted me. I do get why he would feel that way, but at the same time, I have never thought he might rape me or abuse me, like my ex did.
I love him, have done for a while and it really hurts that this is in the back of his head. I feel sad for him, I feel hurt that he thinks it's a possibility and kind of understand at the same time.
Can someone help me figure out why I am so upset about this.