Dear lovely people.
I just wanted to say a great big thank you to the people who have given me the advice I needed to hear and that is to stick with it. I always was going to as my wife is the most important person in my life who has given me 2 reasons to love her even more, my children.
For all those reply's that simply say "she's being unreasonable, leave" you guys simply do not understand what being in a true, loving relationship is about.
I explained to my wife that I understand that it's off the table and completely respect that and also reiterated that I want it to be off the table too to allow her to heal. I also explained that when I kiss her or cuddle her there is in no way an expectation that it should go further.
The incredible thing is that now the pressure of sex is gone the atmosphere has changed for the better to a much happier household. We went out yesterday and walking along we held hands and we looked at each other and I said "I love you" and for the first time in a while it made my wife smile with a happiness I've not seen in a long time. She leaned in and kissed me which felt incredible, not in a sexual way but in a loving way.
Love is so much more than sex and I'm excited about the journey we are about to embark on. When love is true who knows what the future holds. My wife has gained an ownership of her body that she's never had before and as a loving husband I need to respect that which I do completely. I will never ask her to do something that she doesn't want to do and will be patient.
When someone is the love of your life then they are worth fighting for. She may never be able to do it again and for the first time I'm ok with that. It may well be that after a year, 2 years she may be ready to try again and because I love her so much I will wait. What my wife has been through is something no human should ever have to experience. She's taken ownership by cutting out the "cancer" and never wanting to see them ever again. It means a lot to me that she is still here, in my arms asking me to still be here while she heals what has been the most awful of damaging times and I will be here, to love unconditionally, to support without wanting anything and to love.
Lest we forget that when we sign up for a marriage it's to love unconditionally, through illness etc. We need to remember that mental illness is as real as anything physical that would suddenly end the sex part of a marriage. I know that if it was me who was suddenly unable to give my wife sex that she would stick by me through thick and thin and I will do the same. The last few days has taught me a lot and has only cemented my feelings for my wife.
Who knows what the future brings, but what I do know is that it'll bring a level of love and understanding that has been missing from our marriage for a long time because of the pressures sex brings. It may happen, it may not but love is so much more than sex.
I again thank you for the kind and reassuring words. The people who have told me to get out quick, you guys need to seriously take a close look at yourselves and not be so quick to judge and have an understanding of what emotional, physical and sexual abuse is and how it affects people even many years after the event.
My wife has reached an awakening and for her it's a confusing and scary time. She needs that rock of unconditional love and I am that. I'm not scared about what the future holds because all I do know is that it's filled with love and happiness on a level I've not experienced for a long time.